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[Clodfobble]

I don't think that what the guy did necessarily deserved for his wife to get mad over (I mean how mad is mad? Was she throwing shit across the room, or just irritated?) but I do think he did the wrong thing.

He left the door open. He didn't tell this chick "stop texting me," which he absolutely should have done. A large part of making good choices is consciously keeping yourself away from situations where you know you will be tempted to make the wrong choice. When someone is going after you, not responding means you're conflicted. It means you might be persuaded at a later date. The women are all mad because they know how the WOMAN is going to interpret his lack of a response, and they know she is going to keep trying. And if she does keep trying, someday he may cave. He wants to believe he's stronger than that, so telling her to stop is almost like admitting he's too weak to continue ignoring her forever--admitting that he does see her as a risk. But that's stupid. Unnecessary risks are still unnecessary risks, and there's no shame in avoiding temptation even if you're super, super sure you'll never be that guy.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Unless she's one of those people that ignore the text content and any response is in her favor.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I don't think that what the guy did necessarily deserved for his wife to get mad over (I mean how mad is mad? Was she throwing shit across the room, or just irritated?) but I do think he did the wrong thing.

He left the door open. He didn't tell this chick "stop texting me," which he absolutely should have done. A large part of making good choices is consciously keeping yourself away from situations where you know you will be tempted to make the wrong choice. When someone is going after you, not responding means you're conflicted. It means you might be persuaded at a later date. The women are all mad because they know how the WOMAN is going to interpret his lack of a response, and they know she is going to keep trying. And if she does keep trying, someday he may cave. He wants to believe he's stronger than that, so telling her to stop is almost like admitting he's too weak to continue ignoring her forever--admitting that he does see her as a risk. But that's stupid. Unnecessary risks are still unnecessary risks, and there's no shame in avoiding temptation even if you're super, super sure you'll never be that guy.

I see what you mean - but - it presupposes that there is any temptatin there on his part. If he isn't remotely intereted, and isn't remotely tempted then just ignoring it as a bit of a weird intrusion seems a reasonable response to me.

Also - if he feels uncomfortable texting her - and maybe doesn't quite know how to phrase a 'go away I'm happily married' in a way that isn't hurtful/abrasive and isn't a massive assumption on his part (she said she wanted to talk privately, whilst it's likely that's a come on, it isn't definite and there's clearly room for embarrassment if he got the signal wrong and responde accordingly) then I can see just ignoring and hoping she'll go away as a likely response.

The wife's response to me suggests a lack of trust in her partner. If she sees that as him somehow keeping a door open, then that presupposes he may want to keep that door open.