Was it something I said?

[BigV]

Originally Posted by squirell nutkin

posting under SN as the walls have ears, so to speak.

I've been on one of those online meeting people type sites named after an arrow wielding cherub. It has been very interesting but somewhat maddening. I don't know if people are just rude and self centered or if I am doing something weird or creepy.

A number of times I've made contact with someone or vice versa and we've seemed to hit it off, a number of emails back and forth, even a few "Let's get together" or "I'd like to meet you" from them, then all of a sudden radio silence.

Seems odd. I followed up with a hello? email and not even an "I changed my mind."

So the ball is in their court and there it lies. I move on, but it seems curious to me. I am no different on thee than I am here, except maybe a little more circumspect on there.

My buddy pointed out that a) The people who join these sites do so because they want to make a connection and they have not been able to do that IRL, otherwise why join? b) When a connection looms close, they panic and retreat in order to keep the non-connected status quo they are subconsciously creating.

Sounds as good as any reason to me. Maybe I'm fishing way out of my league. I don't have a good sense of where I am on the attractiveness scale, although I bet my best feature is my mind and or wit.

Who knows?

Cherub fanboy here. Five stars. Srsly.

So. Having enough experience with that specific site, I will share my thoughts. I've seen and researched other such sites and OKC is by far the best one *for me*. The phenomenon you describe of having someone vanish when the prospect of "more" becomes more real is very common, very common. That fleeing happens at all stages of connection too, from ew, don't like that profile to some few chats then nothing to what you've described to radio silence even after a date or two. Not every fish bites, not every bite gets hooked, not every hooked fish is landed, etc, etc. It's normal, recalibrate accordingly.

The other side to this is that you can make up such "losses" with volume. There really are a lot of fish out there (and not p.l.e.n.t.y.of.f.i.s.h, that's another story). For me, the key to success on OKC was to answer a lot of the questions. A lot, really a lot. I don't think that you can even expect to get any qualified (and I use the term loosely) leads until you've answered 500 questions. Yes, five hundred.

Those questions are the core of what makes it work, really. They're very wide ranging, and each one individually is a low stakes exposure of "who you really are". OH! I should say here that answering the questions honestly is crucial. Just like in a relationship IRL, don't lie. Garbage in, garbage out, etc. If there's a question you don't like, or are uncomfortable answering, that's fine, skip it.

***

Hey, I gotta fly. I'll post more later. In the meantime, Twil reminded me "Some people are just practicing." Don't take it personally, it's them, not you. You don't even want to be with someone for even one date that can't bear to communicate with you, right? This is one of those problems that solves itself. There are hundreds of people out there that want to be with you, *you*, specifically. But there are millions of people out there who do not want to be with you. This is the sorting process. It's weird at the start, but it's normal and it's ok.