A strange and terrible weekend

[warch]

I'm interested in this depth.

I assert that a healthy psyche MUST value the input of others, though the weight given to any outside opinion should vary depending on the source's trustworthiness, awareness of key facts, state of mind, etc. Society is the product of opinions, and society gives us a yardstick against which to measure our success, allowing us to strive for improvment. Everybody wants to have value.

I think a healthy psyche has to first and foremost be solid in the inalieable constant of it own value, by virtue of being alive, regardless of outside opinion. And I'm finding that the outside opinions and yardsticks, no matter how trustworthy or loving, are never going to ever give me a reading I find meaningful, really, truly.

I think one's hot buttons are tied to those personal traits which one holds most valueable, because for another person to question those traits is to risk losing one's perceived value. Basically, for the benefit of my own self-worth, it is important to me that I am trusted... so to question my integrity triggers a strong defense mechanism.

I'm finding that my hot buttons are tied to ideas or actions that threaten my secure sense of myself. They threaten to expose a deep fear or reveal some emotion that can be uncomfortable to deal with. Sounds corny, but for me, its growing past the protective defense reflexes learned as a kid. I'm tougher than that now.