Humor...I Need Humor...

[xoxoxoBruce]

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need Cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen!
Absolutely not, you can NOT have any Cyanide?"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, " Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[zippyt]

skysidhe,

That was JUST a joke , NOT from presonal experence .

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by zippyt

skysidhe,

That was JUST a joke , NOT from presonal experence .

It's ok. I don't like tasteless small penis jokes either.

The first rule in a tastless joke is it HAS TO BE FUNNY.






Freddie Mercury, Versace and Princess Di arrive at the Pearly gates.St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.

Freddie says "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be"

"Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?"

Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I'll completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherubs to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place"

"Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Di?"

Diana doesn't say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her arse, lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor.

"Excellent, you're in" says St Peter

"Hold on a fucking minute" says Freddie "She didn't even say anything"

"Bollocks, Fred you know the rules" says St Peter, "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens...."

[zippyt]

The first rule in a tastless joke is it HAS TO BE FUNNY.

Aussie humor I guess .

[skysidhe]

sorry zippyt. I just ribbing ya. -peace-






The Nuns Regret
A nun walks into a bus and sits behind the driver and says, "I have just one regret before I die,"

The bus driver asks "What might that be?", she says "I have never had sex, but I can't have sex with a married man or that would be a sin."

The bus driver says, "I'm not married"

The nun says, "I have to die a virgin so I will have to take it in my ass".

Being the only two in the bus they went to the back and took care of business.

When they were done the bus driver says to the nun, "I have a confesion to make, I am married."

The nun says "I also have a confesion to make, My name is Tom and im going to a costume party!"

[BigV]

Proudly stolen and repeated from the cookie bot:

Kotex isn't the *best* thing in the world, but it's close to it.

[zippyt]

Sorry in advance Ladys ,

How do you make a woman pick cotton ??


Light her string

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by zippyt

Sorry in advance Ladys ,

How do you make a woman pick cotton ??


Light her string

now that was funny!

[capnhowdy]

AKA: Manhole Covers.

[kingfisher]

Time constraints prohibit me from reading every post here at this time but I’m working on it. Sooo if this one has been posted beforehand… a thousand pardons….

Two dwarfs go into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that from the next room he hears his little friend shouting out cries of,"Here I come again...ONE, TWO, THREE.....UHH!" all night long. In the morning the second dwarf asks the first "How did it go?"

The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection"

The second dwarf shook his head." You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!"

[xoxoxoBruce]

that's OK, kingfisher, welcome to the Cellar.

[kingfisher]

Thanks XO


A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a
priest, said, " I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of
many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and
went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
xaid, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your
collar."

[Tse Moana]

LOL!

[unowen]

A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.



"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."



The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the
guy, "What would you like to discuss?"



"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"



"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff --
grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"



The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."



"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

[xoxoxoBruce]

Welcome to the Celar, unowen.