Tears

[BigV]

I signed Tink's divorce papers the other night. The clock is ticking now.

I feel immensely sad and exhausted. I am confused and worried about the uncertainty of my future, our future, our childrens' future. I feel angry. I feel hopeless.

I feel like a failure.



We've been at a juncture like this before. I had more fight then. I had more hope. We reconciled and life was good. But I was wrong. Life wasn't good, life still sucked, I just focused on the good. I was ecstatic that we had turned back from the brink. I'm more confused and uncertain of myself and my judgment than ever. I was so wrong.


Now, I don't really know what to do. I'm drifting along, spun around and bumped as I'm carried ever more swiftly down the river to the falls below. A couple times I've been capsized and held under by the force of the current against the rocks on the bottom--extremely unpleasant. I want off this river but the canyon walls are steep and high. The falls approach.