The Terror of Non-existence

[Cicero]

It's strange to think that a god is wrapped up in immortality. What if god doesn't have anything to do with your afterlife or lack thereof? Just another question I have no answer to this morning. Sorry. Random thought.

I think the worst of all of this, is not knowing until it actually happens. I can't base my beliefs solely on my fears and hopes, as I think that is an act of insanity. So I just won't know. Of course I get curious enough to want to find out, but there's no rush. I want to go see where everybody went and what they are doing, and see for myself what will happen to me. I'm very curious. I am also adventurous and would love to see what unfolds! It's terrifying but could also be quite an illuminating, and wonderful experience. Like discovering a new world! Or I wouldn't exist at all and wouldn't of course know that, because I would lack what I think of, as my "essence".

Sometimes it's terrifying. And sometimes it seems to be an adventure that I would like to go on. I'm such a curious person!

I want to find out for myself. But actively trying to find out for myself isn't worth it because I would have to try to come back here to see everyone I love here, and it would be foolish with that non-existence concept hanging about. I can't wait, as terrifying as it is. I love a good mystery and a grand adventure.

I mean, where are these people I miss? I want to know for sure! I would also like to be there for some people who may not be in a very savory disposition. But I guess I will have to wait until the end of the book and not jump to the last page. (it would be empty right now anyway or else I would have done that too)

So. I guess I'm just saying that I have a deep curiousity about the subject and would love to find out for myself, but that would exclude me from my life right here and now, and future possibilities in this life. So I'll wait and see.......Not that I'm happy about it because I am not always patient with things I want to know. I ask my brain these questions and it spits out answers trying to humour me, because that's it's job. But the answers are not always right. It's just answers, not always the right one, just the only answers it is able to give.