No! to Backyard Fireworks

[lookout123]

My small group of very good and very twisted friends had a tradition in our early 20's. it was called our white trash celebration. the group was mostly punk or hardcore types so the more redneck lifestyle that was common in that part of the midwest was not something we normally looked kindly upon. except for July 5th.

On that day we bought all the PBR and Natural light, Wild Turkey and Jack Daniels we could carry. We would also get old tv sets that had been discarded. Add to that our annual trip to missour'ah to get some fireworks and our normal state of always having a plethora of firearms around and you have the makings for a great and glorious fiasco. Holly's dad, a disgruntled postal worker no less, always allowed us to use his property because it was safely in the middle of BFE.

We would cart all of our supplies out there and start drinking and grilling early in the day. Then we'd start shooting the tv sets. Why? not real sure, we just did. Then the fireworks. Then we'd all head in for some more drinking and card playing until everyone passed out.

Yeah, stupid tradition, i know.

Anyway, one year my good friend C, who is either the dumbest genius or the smartest idiot you'll ever meet, made sure we'd remember the fireworks stage for sure. I had been setting off jumping jacks inside of PBR cans with pretty cool results. spinning and sparking and all the noise. Well, C decided to one up me. He twisted a bunch of them together and put them in a can. It was awesome. A great sight. Then he decided to do the same thing but throw them in the air. OK, cool. At the last minute he decided it would make a great target for him. That is when we said, "OK, let's put the guns away, dummy think is in effect." He was disappointed but decided to throw the can anyway. As he was lighting it I asked if he remembered to extend the fuze. He said he did and got pissed that we'd question him. We stood back and watched as he lit it, then held it to throw at just the right moment. 5, 4, 3, 2, GUESS YOU SHOULD HAVE THROWN ON 2 DUMBASS! The can turned white hot before he even dropped it, let alone threw it.

Commence the running around and whimpering. That was him. We were laughing. He, of course, blistered immediately but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. It was some pretty nasty burn but nothing that required hospitalization.

He was less than pleased as we made fun of the fact that he would still have his hand bandaged when he went back to teaching summer school the next week. That's a genius in action.