How Do You Live?

[DanaC]

I live wrapped in fear of failure, looking for something to be passionate about and skilled at and proud of, and maybe even being able to earn a living doing that thing. I try to be open to the world when my habit is to run and hide.

I can relate to that. My instinct is not really to venture out, to avoid large gatherings of people and to take the easy path. My lifestyle is such that I have to battle that instinct on a daily basis. I have learned over the years a few tricks that help me not to disappear into my own unsociability. I used to avoid committing to things for fear I'd not want to do it, or fail at it when the time comes. Now I commit first and fear it after. I've learned to trust in my ability to rise to the challenge once absolutely have to.

I've now found the things I am passionate about, skilled at and become proud of. I hope one day to earn my living doing it.....in a sense I already am: I am on a combination of student loan and grant, so effectively i am being paid (and going into debt) to study. It's taken me a hell of a long time though. I can date the time I first found something that sparked me and got me out there to 2004. I was 32. Since then the thing that initially sparked me has faded into the backdrop and my new passion is a return to an old love: academia.

I live a simple, though somewhat hedonistic, lifestyle. I don't realy value stuff (except books) as long as I have a working version of something I don't feel a need to acquire new versions. When my tv broke I brought my portable tely down from upstairs and used that for about 6 months until someone was throwing away a telly and gave it to me. I could have afforded a telly (just) but I had a working (if small) one in my house so....

I've been wanting an i-pod for the last couple of years......but not enough to drive me out to buy one...

What I couoldn't cope with is not having a tv at all! I am a telly addict. I couldn't not have broadband.....drove me mad when I didn't.

I don't really value stuff....but I overvalue entertainment. Like I said, hedonistic.