insidemyhead

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Cicero

Dad and husband. I bet your wife wishes she knew all this...Take out a sheet of paper. Write some stuff down. Let her write stuff down. Read it together. Don't quit writing until you have both had enough. No talking during the project. I bet she has stuff she would like to share and vice versa. A little bit of understanding can change a lot.

under-freakin-statement of the century.

Please help me get there from here.

The writing thing, that sounds good. Are you also suggesting that I show her this writing of mine?

rsvp, tia.

[limey]

Originally Posted by BigV

under-freakin-statement of the century.

Please help me get there from here.

The writing thing, that sounds good. Are you also suggesting that I show her this writing of mine?

rsvp, tia.

There are many good things about writing to each other, even if you share the same house/bed/life: you can't be interrupted, you can explain clearly what you mean, your writings can be read more than once in order to be able to calmly understand them. You posted that your wife was making you happy recently, that's great, she is there for you: suggest the writing thing to her.
I've just remembered you have to be BigV and strong for your family - maybe in writing for them you can put that to one side a little, whereas in a conversation that is harder to do?
Have you shown your wife this thread?

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by BigV

under-freakin-statement of the century.

Please help me get there from here.

The writing thing, that sounds good. Are you also suggesting that I show her this writing of mine?

rsvp, tia.

The IT guy at work is having the same difficulties....I just told him the same thing...

Make some dinner...find some alone time with your wife...tell her that you guys are going to do an exercise...Write some of this stuff down on paper and let her read it. Reiterate to her that during this exercise no one is allowed to talk. She can read it...and write responses...she can write her own stuff...and you may respond. It becomes a dialogue...It may be rough at first...but my husband and I have argued in this manner and action plans and changes tend to be the result. Everything looks a little different on paper...and the tough talk tends to simmer down really quick. Let her in...And she may need to let you in too....Of course I'm on BigV's side...but all this airing out serves no purpose unless the appropriate people get the message. This writing exercise is intended for people who want results..write down what you want. And let her do it too.. maybe she's lonely. Either way she needs to know how you feel.



Don't quit writing until you guys have come to a negotiating point that suits you both.