Anxious - Page 2

freshnesschronic · 02-14-2007, 08:51 PM

Thanks!

Aliantha · 02-14-2007, 09:51 PM

I reckon that chances are, if you can recognize that someone loves you so much that you feel no one else could ever love you better, that's one very good reason to be with someone. If you didn't like how that made you feel you'd be creeped out. If you feel the same way in return, that's probably about the only reason you'd think that that person loves you better than anyone else ever will. If you didn't then you'd be either creeped out, or maybe thinking it's cool someone likes you so much, but knowing there's got to be someone else that will love you better.

freshnesschronic · 03-06-2007, 07:07 AM

Hmmmm... Everything sucks. It's 6:45 AM and I've gotten 1 hour and 10 minutes off tossing, turning uncomfortable "sleep." My girlfriend just decided we needed to take a "break." As in don't have to talk everyday, not going through the motions. Basically "we're not breaking up, or seeing other people, but I don't want to commit to you right now." That's how I see it, and to me that's pretty lame.

Remember the 2 year investment reevaluation mark? Well, we never recovered. She is very incapable of expressing her feelings to me (she's Chinese, she wasn't raised to know HOW

) but she told me pretty good how it is tonite. These last two months have been very, very bad. And I agree with her. But I didn't want this break. I wanted to endure the hell, because this year was a sacrifice for the relationship as a whole. I knew it would be very hard (I had no idea it'd be this hard!!) but I'm willing to go through with this year of hell because the payoff is what I'm looking for. Hopefully she will go to U of I as well and then if she does we're guaranteed for life.

But anway, she said she's almost been depressed, she gets no sleep, she is dropping grades in school and has major family issues-- on top of that she has to deal with the stress of a relationship. She said she wanted time off to get her life back together. Some of you may feel sympathy for her, but let me tell you how I feel.

Tough shit. No one gives married couples a "break" or "time off" from being MARRIED! The real world doesn't allow for any less stress. This break goes against all of my beliefs in relationships. I feel you either commit entirely to the relationship or you get out of it. There's no room for half assing. That's why this is so hard for me. I am sorry she's having a rough time. But you know what, who doesn't experience strife in their life! People manage stress with relationships all the time and there's nothing they can do about it but DEAL with it. Well, I'm ready to deal with it. I was GOING to deal with it. Endure the pain because Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks and I'll be home and then Summer Break just over a month from then! And then hopefully we will never be apart, if she goes to U of I! I feel it is just a VERY selfish decision on her part.

No I don't want her life to be hard, harder than it should be. But I don't want my family members getting cancer either, but I have no control. Relationships (especially long distance relationships) are freaking tough! Get kneepads, wristguards if you can't handle it.

The only reason why I allowed this, is because I made her promise that she'll come back to me and she will continue loving me through this whole "break." But it's not like she hasn't broken promises or unintentionally lied to me before. Heck, her communication skills are in the negative numbers sometimes. Talk is cheap. This is just security reinforcement but as always, some security doesn't work regardless.

I don't have good feelings about this, at all. So I'm going to finally do some weed, since she didn't let me before.

Weird way to end this post? Hardly, horrible way to start what I see, the beginning of the end.

Sheldonrs · 03-06-2007, 08:55 AM

Take a breath Fresh. It seems to me the break she is asking for is for her, not you. She has to do what feels right for her. You want her to stick with it so YOU will feel better. So why is it wrong for her to do this to make HER feel better. Maybe she will come back completely and maybe she won't. But in any case, if you can't find a way for both of you to be happy at the same time and under equal conditions, what's the point?

piercehawkeye45 · 03-06-2007, 08:56 AM

Does she go to U of I too?

freshnesschronic · 03-06-2007, 10:06 AM

No, she's a senior in high school.

piercehawkeye45 · 03-06-2007, 02:13 PM

I can't see how pressuring her to stay with you right now will help either of you, especially with the distance. Let her get her life together and help her if she wants you too. You probably should also work on yours as well.

Trilby · 03-06-2007, 04:12 PM

i have a lot to say. Out of respect for pain and suffering, I won't say it. but, I AM rootin for you, fresh. but maybe....just maybe....this is not the ONE, eh?

Perry Winkle · 03-06-2007, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

I AM rootin for you, fresh. but maybe....just maybe....this is not the ONE, eh?

Or maybe, just not the one for right now? Timing plays a big part in things like these...(so says me, the relationship retard)

freshnesschronic · 03-06-2007, 05:10 PM

Please say it. I feel like I don't deserve this at all. I'm such a committed boyfriend and I've told her numerous times I want her to confide in me and I'll always be there and I want to stay with her forever. Explain this mess cause it makes no sense.

WabUfvot5 · 03-06-2007, 09:55 PM

I'll be blunt. You probably bore the hell out of her. You're whipped. Unexciting. Predictable. You're giving her that instant eww by being so clingy. You're doing everything you can to make it be known that you either don't want or can't get anybody else.

She's actually telling you to lean back. That's a good sign. She could have just flat out dumped you. Take the hint and cast off the dog collar.

Hoof Hearted · 03-06-2007, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

The only reason why I allowed this, is because I made her promise that she'll come back to me and she will continue loving me through this whole "break." But it's not like she hasn't broken promises or unintentionally lied to me before.

IMO, this is a seriously unrealistic expectation to demand of someone. NO ONE can control how their feelings are going to run, if they change ~ they change, and it is unfair of you to make her 'promise' to come back and love you no matter what and then for you to place blame on HER about broken promises and lying.

I dated a wonderful young man immediately out of a bad break up from a verbally abusive relationship that had lasted 7 years. I really liked this guy. I thought I loved him, but as time passed, I realized I did not. It was very difficult for me to tell him this and break his heart, but I had to do it. It would have been unfair to both of us to live a lie. Him thinking I loved him, me knowing I never would.
Could I have MADE myself love him? No. It is either there, or it isn't...and it wasn't there for him.

Maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate.
Sometimes, if you give them space, they realize that isn't what they wanted after all and they will rush back in to fill the vacuum.
However, I agree with you about no one gets 'time off' in a marriage and I also feel that holds true for other relationships. If both people aren't commited to making it work, it isn't going to work. Both must devote equal amounts of time/effort to the endeavor. Otherwise, it isn't much of a relationship. It just becomes a ship with two people who each have a paddle and the ship goes no-where because they aren't paddling with a common goal or purpose.
hh

Aliantha · 03-07-2007, 12:34 AM

A while ago, just before my wedding, there was incredible stress piling up around me, and not just to do with the wedding. There were work hassles, kid hassles, ex hassles as well as moving house and trying to sell a house and having some major issues with my brother. This just about brought about a nervous breakdown for me and the doctor told me I had to get rid of some of the stressors in my life.

Fortunately for me, I was able to take a leave of absense from work which helped me no end, and I haven't gone back full time even as yet.

I was lucky to have that luxury because my now husband is quite able to support our family financially so me not being at work wasn't a huge issue for us.

Some people don't have those sorts of luxury. Maybe her needing a break is the only thing she can realisticly 'drop' for a while. Maybe she'll come back to you, maybe she wont, but realisticly, you need to consider the fact that maybe this isn't the right relationship for you now.

That's my two cents worth.

freshnesschronic · 03-07-2007, 05:35 PM

Yes it's selfish for me but it's also selfish for her. I just feel so insecure. 2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life. Now, it's uncertainty, emptiness. I just feel blank. She found out I did pot and she got angry and IM'd me last nite but I was studying for a calc test that I failed today.

Everything still sucks.

piercehawkeye45 · 03-07-2007, 05:58 PM

Hopefully it gets better for you. Last year was my hard time. I had some depression problems and no one to turn too. Its rough but you will feel a lot better about yourself when you get through this.

02-14-2007, 09:51 PM	#17
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I reckon that chances are, if you can recognize that someone loves you so much that you feel no one else could ever love you better, that's one very good reason to be with someone. If you didn't like how that made you feel you'd be creeped out. If you feel the same way in return, that's probably about the only reason you'd think that that person loves you better than anyone else ever will. If you didn't then you'd be either creeped out, or maybe thinking it's cool someone likes you so much, but knowing there's got to be someone else that will love you better. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-06-2007, 07:07 AM	#18
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Update...Though it's a downer Hmmmm... Everything sucks. It's 6:45 AM and I've gotten 1 hour and 10 minutes off tossing, turning uncomfortable "sleep." My girlfriend just decided we needed to take a "break." As in don't have to talk everyday, not going through the motions. Basically "we're not breaking up, or seeing other people, but I don't want to commit to you right now." That's how I see it, and to me that's pretty lame. Remember the 2 year investment reevaluation mark? Well, we never recovered. She is very incapable of expressing her feelings to me (she's Chinese, she wasn't raised to know HOW ) but she told me pretty good how it is tonite. These last two months have been very, very bad. And I agree with her. But I didn't want this break. I wanted to endure the hell, because this year was a sacrifice for the relationship as a whole. I knew it would be very hard (I had no idea it'd be this hard!!) but I'm willing to go through with this year of hell because the payoff is what I'm looking for. Hopefully she will go to U of I as well and then if she does we're guaranteed for life. But anway, she said she's almost been depressed, she gets no sleep, she is dropping grades in school and has major family issues-- on top of that she has to deal with the stress of a relationship. She said she wanted time off to get her life back together. Some of you may feel sympathy for her, but let me tell you how I feel. Tough shit. No one gives married couples a "break" or "time off" from being MARRIED! The real world doesn't allow for any less stress. This break goes against all of my beliefs in relationships. I feel you either commit entirely to the relationship or you get out of it. There's no room for half assing. That's why this is so hard for me. I am sorry she's having a rough time. But you know what, who doesn't experience strife in their life! People manage stress with relationships all the time and there's nothing they can do about it but DEAL with it. Well, I'm ready to deal with it. I was GOING to deal with it. Endure the pain because Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks and I'll be home and then Summer Break just over a month from then! And then hopefully we will never be apart, if she goes to U of I! I feel it is just a VERY selfish decision on her part. No I don't want her life to be hard, harder than it should be. But I don't want my family members getting cancer either, but I have no control. Relationships (especially long distance relationships) are freaking tough! Get kneepads, wristguards if you can't handle it. The only reason why I allowed this, is because I made her promise that she'll come back to me and she will continue loving me through this whole "break." But it's not like she hasn't broken promises or unintentionally lied to me before. Heck, her communication skills are in the negative numbers sometimes. Talk is cheap. This is just security reinforcement but as always, some security doesn't work regardless. I don't have good feelings about this, at all. So I'm going to finally do some weed, since she didn't let me before. Weird way to end this post? Hardly, horrible way to start what I see, the beginning of the end.

03-06-2007, 08:55 AM	#19
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	Take a breath Fresh. It seems to me the break she is asking for is for her, not you. She has to do what feels right for her. You want her to stick with it so YOU will feel better. So why is it wrong for her to do this to make HER feel better. Maybe she will come back completely and maybe she won't. But in any case, if you can't find a way for both of you to be happy at the same time and under equal conditions, what's the point? __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

03-06-2007, 04:12 PM	#23
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	i have a lot to say. Out of respect for pain and suffering, I won't say it. but, I AM rootin for you, fresh. but maybe....just maybe....this is not the ONE, eh? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

03-07-2007, 12:34 AM	#28
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	A while ago, just before my wedding, there was incredible stress piling up around me, and not just to do with the wedding. There were work hassles, kid hassles, ex hassles as well as moving house and trying to sell a house and having some major issues with my brother. This just about brought about a nervous breakdown for me and the doctor told me I had to get rid of some of the stressors in my life. Fortunately for me, I was able to take a leave of absense from work which helped me no end, and I haven't gone back full time even as yet. I was lucky to have that luxury because my now husband is quite able to support our family financially so me not being at work wasn't a huge issue for us. Some people don't have those sorts of luxury. Maybe her needing a break is the only thing she can realisticly 'drop' for a while. Maybe she'll come back to you, maybe she wont, but realisticly, you need to consider the fact that maybe this isn't the right relationship for you now. That's my two cents worth. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-14-2007, 08:51 PM	#16
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Thanks!

03-06-2007, 08:56 AM	#20
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Does she go to U of I too?

03-06-2007, 10:06 AM	#21
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	No, she's a senior in high school.

03-06-2007, 02:13 PM	#22
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	I can't see how pressuring her to stay with you right now will help either of you, especially with the distance. Let her get her life together and help her if she wants you too. You probably should also work on yours as well.

03-06-2007, 05:10 PM	#25
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Please say it. I feel like I don't deserve this at all. I'm such a committed boyfriend and I've told her numerous times I want her to confide in me and I'll always be there and I want to stay with her forever. Explain this mess cause it makes no sense.

03-06-2007, 09:55 PM	#26
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	I'll be blunt. You probably bore the hell out of her. You're whipped. Unexciting. Predictable. You're giving her that instant eww by being so clingy. You're doing everything you can to make it be known that you either don't want or can't get anybody else. She's actually telling you to lean back. That's a good sign. She could have just flat out dumped you. Take the hint and cast off the dog collar.

03-07-2007, 05:35 PM	#29
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Yes it's selfish for me but it's also selfish for her. I just feel so insecure. 2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life. Now, it's uncertainty, emptiness. I just feel blank. She found out I did pot and she got angry and IM'd me last nite but I was studying for a calc test that I failed today. Everything still sucks.

03-07-2007, 05:58 PM	#30
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Hopefully it gets better for you. Last year was my hard time. I had some depression problems and no one to turn too. Its rough but you will feel a lot better about yourself when you get through this.

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