meeting new people

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

May I ask, for those who are weird about meeting new people... what is your thought process? What do you think is going to happen, or what do you think they will do that you are apprehensive about?
I am just curious, I am not judgmental about this at all.

(This ended up being a long reply. I hope I don’t sound defensive, I’m just trying to be precise. Skip to the end for the precis)

I don't think I'm weird about meeting new people. It’s simply that I do not get to meet new people in a setting where I can judge whether I want to get to know them better.

I don't fake interest very well and I get tired of people who talk just to make a noise. If I just walked up to people in the street and introduced myself, I would probably find they didn't interest me enough to pursue a friendship. For example going to the hairdressers is quite distressing for me. Pinned in a chair for a couple of hours being talked at by someone who says things like, "Oh I loved reading when I was little, but all the books they make you read in school put me off...."

It works the other way too, in case you think I'm giving myself airs. When I was working nights at a supermarket I so often heard, "Don't you have some funny ideas?" (funny peculiar) even though I got on superficially with all my colleagues. I also hear, "You think too much" or simply, sadly, "You're very odd aren't you?" My friends don't think this, but strangers often do.

So I get up, work, go home, sleep. Repeat x 365
Well, okay - there's a bit more to it, but not much.
I do have friends, but they live in other cities.
I get on well with the people I work with in both my jobs, and we go out occasionally, but not enough that I would term them friends. I made two really good friends since moving here - one I have fallen out with (my fault I suspect) and the other emigrated - sob!

Therefore I have to look for opportunities to meet people and I have to be willing to go on my own. Those of you with groups of friends, partners, families, children probably don't remember what is was not knowing anyone outside your workplace. I'm stand-offish, but I'm not shy - it's the opportunities I need, not the confidence.

I have tried in the past. I went on a series of “sort of” dates when I lived in London. It was via a website that was more about meeting and socialising than dating (I seem to remember there was a free cinema pass involved as well). Out of all the people I met from there I only saw two of them more than once, and even then I had a rather grim “this is for my own good” approach to going out with them. They seemed to enjoy my company but in the end I decided I couldn’t be bothered when we had so little in common.

The above makes me sound very cold & calculating, trust me – when I like someone I am perfectly normal and enjoy their company immensely. I’m also a good friend! One of my non-Leicester friends has been part of my life for 22 years now (ouch, I’m old) and another for 20. The friend who ran away to Africa will probably still be my friend in 20 years time too.

So there you go. The bottom line is I’m very picky and have no-one to make introductions for me.