Abortion Debate

[Brett's Honey]

More good points Bruce! I think now that I have very possibly been thinking that losing Sheena in such a long, drawn out, painful, way (for her, me, her dad, and brother) that it was my punishment, although I kept insisting that I didn't feel that. I have decided to deal with this in a new way. After all, the kids who are HERE are the only ones who we can make a difference with now, in their lives. From what I've heard the last several months, there are two kids who I may be able to help make a difference with. I have a 17 yr old nephew who has never been acknowledged by my family, and from the problems he's had lately, being accepted by his biological dad's family may help him, according to some of his Mom's family. (The Mom refuses to discuss it). There's also a 20 yr old girl who is most likely my son's half-sister. She has desperately wanted to know who her father is, but her Mom would never let my ex-husband do the testing to find out (after he FINALLY offered, when we lost our daughter). My ex, my son, and I have agreed to do anything that this girl wants to happen - whether it is to do the testing, or just to accept her as family. My son would be her only (half) sibling. If neither of these kids want anything to do with us, we'll just have to understand, but from what I've heard, that's probably not the situation. I'm going to focus my energy on doing whatever is best for these two kids. Hopefully it will affect their adult lives in a positive way.
And this way, maybe I can avoid more of these coulda/shoulda/woulda thoughts concerning these two kids later on in my life. I will just have to approach things delicately, and put their wishes first, of course.
Again - thanks for the support!!!

[OnyxCougar]

When I was 16, I got pregnant. I had the child and gave him up for adoption to my (then) husband's aunt and uncle. I got pregnant again at 18 and went to Vegas for an abortion. (The first husband was very abusive and is now in prison for murder.)

After I was divorced from first husband, I became engaged and ended up getting pregnant again. His mother convinced us now was not the time for a baby, since we were in school and he still lived with her. I had another abortion and there were complications. It was not fun.

Years later, I had an option to go get my son back, and I did so. (Full story in the "Seriousness that changed you" thread in Philosophy.)

So I've been the abortion route, AND I've been the adoption route.

IMO, the adoption route is MUCH harder. I wondered every day how he was doing, what he looked like, what games did he enjoy, I mean, everything an absent parent thinks.

I do have some guilt over the two babies I killed (and I have no illusions that is exactly what I did) but I've learned what Bruce points out - Look Forward, not behind. My guilt about what I did then is now one of my life's lessons.

I tell my children that every action has a consequence, and every choice is your own to make.

I think that abortion SHOULD be a choice, open to all women.

IMO, that little thing *is* a baby. From Conception. Couch it in whatever terms you want, but the fact is, if not killed, a baby comes out. You don't say "I had a fetus today!" or "We're going to have a parasite!" or in the western movies, "She's with zygote!"

MY morals should have nothing to do with anyone else's morals. I don't have to like what another woman is doing, I can only state my opinion and tell my life experiences. But it's still that woman's choice to kill that baby, give it up for adoption, or keep it.