Humor...I Need Humor...

[404Error]

An airplane was about to crash; there were five passengers on board, and
only four parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA player in
basketball. The Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the
first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hilary Clinton said, "I am the wife of a former U S
President, a senator from New York, and a potential future president, AND I
am the smartest woman in American history, so American people don't want me
to die." So she took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I am a senator and a decorated war
hero of the USA,; I am also my party's nominee for President." So he
grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.

The 4th passenger, President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a
10 year old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country
well. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The girl said "That's okay, there's a parachute left for you. America's
smartest woman took my schoolbag."

[Tomas Rueda]

You know; I've never seen a person so depressed since the elephant sat on the farmer's wife.
(punchline drumroll)

Depressesd?

oh, well, that was not a very good one. how about this one:

Y'all know what is a Volskvagen? (pauses for answer) Ok, How many elephants can you fit into one? Five, 2 in the front, 3 in the back... but wait that is not the joke. Why the giraffes did not went to the movies. (scroll down for answer.
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. Because the elephants took the Volkswagen.

[lookout123]

maybe the humor was lost in translation.

[zippyt]

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm callin' about my neighbor, Billy Bob Pavon. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Billy Bob and leave.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

[404Error]

Bill, Hillary and Kerry are flying on Kerry's wife's private jet.

Bill looks at Hillary, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Hillary shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Kerry says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says to his co-pilot, "Such Bigshots back there... I could throw all of them out the window and make millions happy."

[Bullitt]

I can't believe no one has put this one yet!
Why did the chicken cross the road?












To get away from KFC!

Ooh here's a painful one.

A little boy is driving throught he country with his dad and he sees a single cow out in the pasture. He asks his dad why that cow is all alone. His father replies, "Why thats because he outstanding in his field!"

(Little kid was me way back when and dad was you guessed it, my dad who is the God of all puns. It kills me.