HAVING TO APPEAR CHASTE...

Trilby · 08-24-2004, 05:48 PM

thanks for being so supportive, you guys....now, i think i will go throw up and then spend 3 days in bed...

perth · 08-24-2004, 05:51 PM

Please don't do that. It sucks, and it's painful, but the best thing, the absolute best thing you can do right now, is surround yourself with supportive friends. Go out, get your little circle of friends together and go somewhere you haven't been, at least somewhere you haven't been with him. Vent, cry, yell, complain, laugh and even ogle a bit, but do it with true friends. You'll get through it. My thoughts are with you and we're all rooting for you.

08-24-2004, 06:45 PM

The guy ain't even worth puking over. He was a damn fool who played fast and loose with a very special person -YOU. Now he's lost you and you've gotten rid of a negative in your life. The subtraction of a negative results in a plus in life as well as math. You don't feel that way now, but you are better off for having discovered his true colors and being done with him. Send him back to the pound. I'm sure he'll fool yet another woman with that cute puppy dog grin, and he'll be just fine. You'll never be able to trust him again. Chalk it up to experience and move forward even though you don't feel like it at the moment. Better days await you (and better men, as well).

ladysycamore · 08-24-2004, 06:55 PM

What marichiko said.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-24-2004, 06:52 PM

How did you find out?

Trilby · 08-25-2004, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

How did you find out?

The other woman told me. Nice of her, eh? Nothing like that for feeling stupid...but you guys have been great. Thanks for caring so much and all your good advice. I think I'm going to go to the Jewish festival on sunday (food! and antiques!) and look around. Maybe in between the latke's there will be a new friend...I just really liked this man a lot. He's too smart for me, though. And, actually, kind of a snob.

Elspode · 08-25-2004, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

The other woman told me. Nice of her, eh?

Uh...was this a mutual acquaintance, or did the bitch just call you up to rub your face in it? If the former, did she have reason to believe that you were okay with sharing (some are, at least, in my community, they are)? If the latter, well...dump the jerk.

Brigliadore · 08-24-2004, 10:49 PM

Man Brianna, I am really sorry to hear what happened to you. I have been in your shoes and I know it ain't pretty. My advise is don't stay with the guy. Your trust is broken now and there really is no way to get it back. I am speaking with experience here as I stayed with my boyfriend for several months after he cheated on me. The relationship was never the same and I found myself being the psycho girlfriend and asking where he was at every moment. Breaking into his email account and checking his phone messages just to make sure he wasn't doing it again. It's a shitty thing to live in constant fear that he will cheat on you again, best to not even go down that road.

Go have a girls night out, just the girls. If you have a bunch of single friend even better. Do things to keep your mind off him. After my boyfriend and I finally broke up, I went and got my hair cut in a totally different style and then went on a mini vacation with a few female friends. I went to Vegas and had a blast just being with a bunch of girls. We flirted with guys, we got loud and obnoxious, we just had a shit load of fun. It was just what I needed to forget about that jerk.

If you want to talk or anything just PM me and I will send you my email address. Just know some of us know what you are going through, and are here to help however you need it. Time will make it better.

DanaC · 08-25-2004, 03:28 AM

I disagree with the idea "once a cheater always a cheater". I cheated on my fella once a long time ago. I was 19 years old and had a one night stand with a man I worked with. It almost destroyed my relationship. We split up for about a week, but thankfully my ex ( as he is now ;P) was understanding enough to realise I was in a bit of a mixed up state and give me another chance. In the next 11 years together I never played away again.

Cyber Wolf · 08-25-2004, 06:34 AM

Brianna,
If you're going to attach yourself to someone in all ways, be sure you attach yourself to someone who thinks you're the most important person in his life. This character obviously doesn't think so, or he would have been pining for you the whole time he was away from you. Cut him loose. Have yourself a good time. Show him that you don't NEED him to have fun, just like he appearently didn't need you. Let yourself work through this and whatever you do, don't dwell on it and don't forget that life does go on, despite how you feel. It wouldn't be right if your world ended while his went on, relatively unaffected. Don't let him have that satisfaction.

Now, after you've calmed down (i say after, because rebounding into a relationship is never a good thing), if he can prove to a reasonable extent to you that you're trust worthy, then perhaps...just perhaps there can be a future for the two of you. But don't make it easy on him. He broke your trust so he needs to jump through a few flaming hoops before he can have you again. And never give in to puppy-dog eyes, dazzling smiles and soft crooning voices. Plenty of men have some or all of those. Your proof needs to be deeper than all of those superficial traits.

perth · 08-25-2004, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

I disagree with the idea "once a cheater always a cheater".

To be fair, I do believe there are exceptions to most every rule. But by and large, people who do it once are very likely to do it again.

08-24-2004, 06:55 PM	#4
ladysycamore "I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me." Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: In Sycamore's boxers Posts: 1,341	What marichiko said. __________________ "Freedom is not given. It is our right at birth. But there are some moments when it must be taken." ~Tagline from the movie "Amistad"~ "The Akan concept of Sankofa: In order to move forward we first have to take a step back. In other words, before we can be prepared for the future, we must comprehend the past." From "We Did It, They Hid It"

08-24-2004, 06:52 PM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	How did you find out? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

08-24-2004, 10:49 PM	#8
Brigliadore stays crispy in milk Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A strange planet called Utah Posts: 270	Man Brianna, I am really sorry to hear what happened to you. I have been in your shoes and I know it ain't pretty. My advise is don't stay with the guy. Your trust is broken now and there really is no way to get it back. I am speaking with experience here as I stayed with my boyfriend for several months after he cheated on me. The relationship was never the same and I found myself being the psycho girlfriend and asking where he was at every moment. Breaking into his email account and checking his phone messages just to make sure he wasn't doing it again. It's a shitty thing to live in constant fear that he will cheat on you again, best to not even go down that road. Go have a girls night out, just the girls. If you have a bunch of single friend even better. Do things to keep your mind off him. After my boyfriend and I finally broke up, I went and got my hair cut in a totally different style and then went on a mini vacation with a few female friends. I went to Vegas and had a blast just being with a bunch of girls. We flirted with guys, we got loud and obnoxious, we just had a shit load of fun. It was just what I needed to forget about that jerk. If you want to talk or anything just PM me and I will send you my email address. Just know some of us know what you are going through, and are here to help however you need it. Time will make it better. __________________ I cant think of anything to put here so this is all I am going to write.

08-25-2004, 06:34 AM	#10
Cyber Wolf As stable as a ring of PU-239 Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On a huge rock covered in water, highly advanced moss and 7 billion parasites Posts: 1,264	Brianna, If you're going to attach yourself to someone in all ways, be sure you attach yourself to someone who thinks you're the most important person in his life. This character obviously doesn't think so, or he would have been pining for you the whole time he was away from you. Cut him loose. Have yourself a good time. Show him that you don't NEED him to have fun, just like he appearently didn't need you. Let yourself work through this and whatever you do, don't dwell on it and don't forget that life does go on, despite how you feel. It wouldn't be right if your world ended while his went on, relatively unaffected. Don't let him have that satisfaction. Now, after you've calmed down (i say after, because rebounding into a relationship is never a good thing), if he can prove to a reasonable extent to you that you're trust worthy, then perhaps...just perhaps there can be a future for the two of you. But don't make it easy on him. He broke your trust so he needs to jump through a few flaming hoops before he can have you again. And never give in to puppy-dog eyes, dazzling smiles and soft crooning voices. Plenty of men have some or all of those. Your proof needs to be deeper than all of those superficial traits. __________________ "I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then getting' upset 'cos they act like people." ~Adam Young, Good Omens "I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out." ~Adam Young, Good Omens

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08-24-2004, 05:48 PM	#1
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	thanks for being so supportive, you guys....now, i think i will go throw up and then spend 3 days in bed...

08-24-2004, 05:51 PM	#2
perth Strong Silent Type Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Fort Collins, CO Posts: 1,949	Please don't do that. It sucks, and it's painful, but the best thing, the absolute best thing you can do right now, is surround yourself with supportive friends. Go out, get your little circle of friends together and go somewhere you haven't been, at least somewhere you haven't been with him. Vent, cry, yell, complain, laugh and even ogle a bit, but do it with true friends. You'll get through it. My thoughts are with you and we're all rooting for you.

08-24-2004, 06:45 PM	#3
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	The guy ain't even worth puking over. He was a damn fool who played fast and loose with a very special person -YOU. Now he's lost you and you've gotten rid of a negative in your life. The subtraction of a negative results in a plus in life as well as math. You don't feel that way now, but you are better off for having discovered his true colors and being done with him. Send him back to the pound. I'm sure he'll fool yet another woman with that cute puppy dog grin, and he'll be just fine. You'll never be able to trust him again. Chalk it up to experience and move forward even though you don't feel like it at the moment. Better days await you (and better men, as well).

08-25-2004, 03:28 AM	#9
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	I disagree with the idea "once a cheater always a cheater". I cheated on my fella once a long time ago. I was 19 years old and had a one night stand with a man I worked with. It almost destroyed my relationship. We split up for about a week, but thankfully my ex ( as he is now ;P) was understanding enough to realise I was in a bit of a mixed up state and give me another chance. In the next 11 years together I never played away again.

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