In Local News...

[Sundae]

A local man has voluntarily withdrawn his novelty item from sale, for fear of litigation.

Entrepreneur Mr Bruce Kissenhugger has stopped advertising his Anti-Butthurt Cream after trial samples sent to friends backfired. We caught up with him in his doo-dad hideaway and he admitted to us that he hadn't expected the cream to be taken seriously.

"The idea came about because there are so many people who seem to want to be offended these days. It's like they're all butthurt all of the time. So I mixed up a cream and packaged it as Anti-Butthurt Cream as a joke. It was never intended as a serious remedy. I thought my friends would know that."

However a poor batch of self-adhesive mailing labels meant that the recipients did not realise the cream came from Bruce.

"One of my friends has piles, and just thought the cream came from the VA. Another is a gay of the homosexual persuasion and... well... I don't know where he thought it came from. Thing is, I used wallpaper paste to get a nice even consistency. And then a little Tabasco because the vinegar base stopped it from setting in the tube. I suppose putting "Not to be taken orally" on the packaging wasn't really fair warning. We did laugh about it afterwards though. When they got back from the Emergency Room. Maybe I shoulda used the cream to attach those labels."

Mr Kissenhugger's legal team Sue, Grabbit and Runn can be reached at 104950 Main Street, Hicksville, PA