Ask the Transperson

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

Are you doing this because you feel wrong inside your skin? like you really SHOULD have been a chick?

and if that's a yes...what if, when it's all complete.... you STILL feel wrong inside your skin?

Good one! You been talking to my psychologist?

The "born in the wrong body" analogy is not quite what we feel but it's a simple and fairly accurate representation that can be conveyed to non-trans people who cannot imagine how we feel.

I look at it like this. I *was* born a chick. Been one all my life. I just have this litle birth defect. I got a shot of testosterone at the wrong time during my development (or perhaps I was exposed to DES in utero). Whatever happened, I was born with functional male genitals, prompting my attending doctor to announce "It's a boy!" when it was really a girl!

I was thus told all my life that I was a boy, and that boys don't cry, or have sweet sixteens, or wear pretty clothes, or makeup etc etc.

Over forty years of conditioning and training are very difficult to overcome. The incorrect hormone cocktail that I had growing up was wrong for me, made me feel terrible and awkward and confused. The secondary effects like hair all over and cracking and deepening voice and such horrified me. Inside, I was screaming. But I learned not to talk about such things early.

As for surgery, not everyone is a candidate for surgery, and not everyone can afford the $20,000 or more that it costs. Few insurance plans cover it. I know neither of mine do. We are specifically excluded. I hope that changes in the future.

Should I get my bottom surgery (I assume that's what you are referring to), I am certain that I will not regret it, as some have. Not everyone who wants the change should have it.

See here for some examples of regrets.

To be sure, I have as part of my transition team, a very experienced gender therapist who has counseled countless of my brothers and sisters and seen many through the entire transition including the surgery and beyond. I know that surgery is permanent and irreversible and I want to be absolutely certain before anyone cuts on me. And I will be, however I decide.

Thanks!

Pam