6th-Grader Suicide -right way to deal with classmates?

[monster]

A sixth-grader at our local middle school (the one my kids should attend if we hadn't opted out) committed suicide on Thursday. 12 years old. By all accounts, a bit of an arty, imaginative kid, not one of the in-crowd, but not one you'd suspect of being depressed, and not one that was "bullied" either -as far as I can tell- some kids like him, some thought he was weird, but generally he muddled along OK and was usually happy. (Hurrah for facebook) Of course these things are always seen through rose-colored glasses after the event.

Here's my issue/question. The family refuse to acknowledge the cause/manner of death at all. The obit (released today) says "died unexpectedly". But we all "know" it was suicide. Why? Because we all know someone who works at the hospital where he was taken and stuff spreads. It may be a huge town, but it's still a town. Even I heard it was a suicide within hours and I don't have a kid at the school.

So the kids "know" he killed himself, but they really don't understand why. They are being given counselling at the school, but they are not allowed to talk about suicide or why he is dead during these sessions. How is this counselling supposed to help? And because there is no official admission of suicide, a couple of kids are speculating murder and are scared.

Apparently, it's the family's wish that no-one knows the true nature of his death. I feel that this is not OK, because there are evidently other people who cared -young people with young emotions and they also deserve to know the truth. Denying the truth is not sheltering them, just fuelling their fears. And they are at they age where we most encourage them to ask questions. I do understand that the family wants to be left alone, but they shared their child with society by sending him to school. Is it now OK to shut out those who knew him/came to care for him?

Today "friends of the family" started posting on facebook to ask his classmates to stop posting his image and posting condolences and memories because they do not want it to become a big thing

This is a request from the xxxx family.

They understand and appreciate your concerns very much. But the amount of rumors they have been hearing are exponentially growing. On top of hearing that, they have to cope with what they are left with. They just want less stress in their lives for now. So please, if you will, stop telling say...ing what you think his cause of death was. xxxx is and will be the only person who knows. Also, please try to refrain from making his picture your profile picture. The more people make it their profile picture, the more people will comment, and say things they shouldn't. Thanks!
xxxx will forever be missed. ♥

I understand what they are trying to achieve, but I think they are wrong. I think they are underestimating how much this kid's death affected his classmates. He was 12, ffs. And so were his classmates. They don't know how to express what they feel, they're bound to "do it wrong" Is it really OK to try and stop them? I think not