Need advice for a friend, quick!

[Lady Sidhe]

>>I gave some sound and intelligent advice for someone who genuinely wanted advice, but it seems like all you've been doing is trying to convince us that a man who is concerned for his wife's health is wrong by having coffee with another person who happens to be a female.

First of all, I told you that I thought your advice was good. I also said that she'd tried a lot of it. She's still trying.

He is having coffee with a woman he promised to stop hanging around with, AFTER his wife told him that it made her uncomfortable. A woman who, whether he has designs or not, is definitely after him.

>>If she doesn't trust him, she should leave. If she does, than act like a normal person and don't spaz out because he has coffee with someone. If he hit on someone in the past it doesn't matter. Maybe he was drunk? In the end it doesn't matter if he looks at the menu, or even smells the food as long as he doesn't order anything. Heck, he could even order it as long as he doesn't eat it.

He doesn't drink at ALL. He hit on his wife's best friend a year after they got married. It's one thing to look at the menu, it's another thing to wear the food on your arm.

I'm not choosing sides. I'm just reporting what I see and what they both tell me. I'm sorry, though, it IS wrong to choose another woman over your wife, which is, in effect, what he's doing, because his "friendship" with this girl seems to be more important than his relationship with his wife. Instead of indicating that her concerns are important to him, he's basically saying that they mean nothing to him.

She's not telling him he can't have female friends. He has a lot of female friends who don't bother her at all. As a matter of fact, because of his past, he's got an assload of female friends. But they don't hang on him and spend every spare moment with him. They don't ask him to relay to them private conversations that his wife has had with him. They don't hide their faces when they see his wife's friends. She's asking him to stop seeing a woman who obviously has designs on him and who makes her uncomfortable. And he'd told her he would...then saw her behind his wife's back. You can't possibly think that's right. I don't hear very many people saying he's at any kind of fault. In fact it seems that people are feeling sorry for him, when HE'S the one who's breaking his promises to HER.

He claimed that he hung around with this girl because his wife wouldn't loosen up, but when she did, and after he agreed to stop hanging out with this girl, HE DIDN'T. The issue is that he doesn't care enough about his wife's feelings to stop doing something that makes her uncomfortable and is obviously causing her severe emotional distress. It's about being there for the person you claim to love. It's about showing that you love them by keeping your promises. A lot of you seem to think it's ok that a married man hit on his wife's best friend, ok that he spends time with a woman he promised to stop seeing...I don't understand that. It's not ok for a married person to be touchy-feely with someone else, especially if they know it bothers their SO.

I have to agree with OnyxCougar. He's out of line, but this woman is out of line just as much. Her behavior with another woman's husband is inappropriate. I have a lot of male friends, but not once have I hung on them. I'm married, and I don't think that a married person should be that familiar with someone other than their SO. I'm a firm believer in "to love and cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, forsaking all others, till death do you part." Those aren't just words. They mean something.

I haven't given her any advice, but she does read these posts. They give her something to think about and consider, and she thanks you all for the ideas you're putting forth.


Sidhe