Need advice for a friend, quick!

[Lady Sidhe]

Ok, everyone...I've bounced from board to board here, and from what I've seen, most of you have pretty good heads on your shoulders. So I'd like to ask your thoughts on something.

There's a girl I've known for years. She's one of my best friends, and she's helped me out a lot, so I want to help her. Lately she's been having some domestic difficulties. To be honest, I don't know what to tell her...

Here's the deal:

She's been married for almost four years. She and her husband, I swear, were perfect together. Everyone was thrilled when they got married, because they got along so well and were so much alike. Plus, the'd been having problems (he said he'd never get married again, and she almost married someone else....that's when he told her he couldn't live without her and decided to get married again). Anyway, she found out, in the third year of her marriage, that her husband had hit on one of her friends. He was turned down, of course, but it got back to her. When she confronted him, he told her he'd been attracted to this girl for a long time, and just wanted to see if she'd have slept with him. He claims that he WOULDN'T really have done anything, but he had to know it would get back to her. Anyway, when she confronted him, he said that she should be glad he got it out of his system, and that she shouldn't be upset because he hadn't planned on doing anything anyway. Well, they got all that straight, and things were great. THEN...

He started school, and she found out that he'd been hanging around with another girl at the job he has at the university. This girl has the hair color he likes, and the body type all men like. She dresses like a tramp, and she spends all her time between classes and during lunch with my friend's husband. Well, when she found out about THAT, she told him she didn't want this girl hanging around him anymore, that she had an ulterior motive, no matter what he thought, and that this girl better keep her hands off. She told him that if he didn't tell this girl to back off that she would, and he said, "ok." I was with her that day that she went to the school to see if this girl was hanging around with her husband. She was, and my friend told her that she needed to talk to her husband alone. The girl showed no sign of leaving, and when my friend said "IN PRIVATE," the girl got up and said, "okay, OKAY." Then, my friend found out that after she left, this girl came back and asked her husband what they had talked about, as if it was any of her business!

Well just recently, she found out that he took this girl to coffee, and when they walked out of the coffee shop, this girl was hanging onto his arm like she belonged there. (she knows all this because a friend of her goes to the university as well, and keeps her updated. This girl would NOT lie to her, and this is proven because her husband never denies his behavior) When she asked him about it, he said he wasn't doing anything with her, and didn't plan to, but he also said that him hanging around with this girl, whom he knows makes his wife uncomfortable, has nothing to do with her (his wife). Plus, he goes out with friends twice a week, and never invites his wife, but other women are there (both of which he used to date).

They've been having problems because during her pregnancy, she became severely depressed, and she's still having problems with it (she suffers from clinical depression). She truly loves this man, and he says he loves her, but she's worried. She has no proof that he's EVER cheated on her, but everyone's telling her she's being naive if she thinks he's not, and she doesn't want to end up being the last to know, if he is....

So she comes to me and lays all this out, and I don't know what to tell her. I told her that if it were me, I'd see if this girl was on her husband's ICQ, and if she was, to send her a message. She did that, but the girl never replied, and she apparantly hasn't tattled to the husband yet, either. My friend told her husband to expect a Q from this girl, btw.


Anyway, I really don't know what to tell her. She adores her husband, and they have a child. She wants to work things out, and she's hoping that she has nothing to worry about, that her husband is telling the truth about not cheating, but she feels that if he won't get rid of this girl that he's choosing her over his own wife.... she doesn't know how to get rid of this woman so her shadow isn't over the relationship. When she tries to talk to her husband about it, he tunes her out or says she's overreacting. I know both of them very well, been knowing them for years, and I want to see them stay together, but I don't know what to tell her. I'd confront the girl, if it were me. Hell, if she'd let me, I'd confront the girl myself and tell her to keep her hands off my friend's husband....


Anyway, she agreed to me posting her problem and asking for advice as long as I didn't mention her name, so here it is...I mean, do y'all think he's cheating? Is she overreacting? What steps should she take? Any good revenge advice to get rid of this interloper?


Sidhe