I'm Jim, and I'm a Compulsive Overeater

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by monster

Are you back home?

No, monster. I'm living at my mom's. In my old room. She didn't mean 'a while' ...like a few hours. It wasn't a quick time out... It was either that or she was going to take the kids and go who knows where. she was/is that freaked out. She's 37, and completely dependent on me to provide for her and her kids... she trusted me to do that.... and I'm fucking it up badly.

I don't know yet how bad this is. I keep thinking I do, but then something else is made clear to me. I've been ignoring warnings and symptoms of stress in our relationship for many years, it seems. I want to be as honest about this as I can, and I keep thinking that I am, only to realize later that I haven't been. I can't even tell when I'm spinning the facts at this point. If I can't see the truth, how can I tell it?........I don't know.

I haven't had a drink in 10 days, or coffee, or junk food.... and last night I finally got more than 4 hours of sleep, so I'm starting to realize some of the things I've said and done... .

Today when I woke up, I felt a little bit more optimistic about things, and then a past due electric bill turned up. I had put off paying that. It was due early this month and I had carried a smallish amount from the prior month... so I owed 369 on July 3rd or something. I knew I was falling behind there, and I was planning on calling... blah blah blah...spin deleted.... now next months bill is here and its 6something.

anyway, I had to go in and ask my boss for an advance against my bonus to hopefully cover it, so that when jinx takes over the bills, she's not starting in a hole. I had to tell him what I was dealing with, so he'd understand it if I make some colossal fuck up here at work. I told him I was out of the house, and that I am going to get help. He was just as nice about it as you all have been. I am so ashamed about this that I don't want to tell anyone else I work with. I will eventually, but not while there's a danger of my bursting into tears in front of them. I work hard and make a lot of money. Our bills should be paid. All of them, every month.