Drinking, Know I Shouldn't...

Sundae · 11-02-2009, 11:12 AM

All interesting points of view.
Dana probably has it most closely aligned with how I feel.
Dana has been out drinking with me.

I don't have a normal relationship with alcohol.
I will drink until all possible avenues of drinking are closed. Whether this is running out of money, closing time, lack of people to buy me drinks, whatever.

I admit episodes of drinking here.
That does not mean I confess what time I started, what time I finish, why I finished.
I don't lie, but I won't necessarily lay out the full story.
I don't see any reason to - I am ashamed, I have succumbed, I know it's not normal.

Given a limitless supply of alcohol and no supervision for a week it's possible I would drink myself to death. The only thing preventing me would be a determination not to. This is not a normal relationship with alcohol.

Recently, with the change in my medication, I've experienced side effects re my appetite. I was talking to Mum about it. She asked, "Are you just more hungry?" The best analogy I could come up with was that when I open my wardrobe, I am aware there are clothes in there. If I need to get dressed I will make a choice. Now, when I open the fridge all I can see is all the yummy food I want to eat. I want this, and that, and the other and the whole lot! It's not hunger, but it's certainly not an impassive appraisal. I've got it (mostly) under control, but have asked for another change of meds.

So it is with alcohol. If I have the ways and means (and I can be very sly to ensure I do) I am tempted. Not all the time. And when I'm in a good stretch, hardly at all. I get the thought, I squish it. But once I've had a drink, hooo-eee! Opportunity, I take it. Money lying around, I spend it. £3? 5 cans. If I walk to the shop on Cambridge Street. After 21.00? S'okay, I can go to the roundabout at the bottom of the road - further and costs more, but if I have money it's okay. I will find money, I will spend money, I will drink until it's gone.

That is a bad thing.
I am trying to get on top of it.
I think I am succeeding. I am, mostly.

Still trying to work out if discussing it helps though.
Admitting how low I am hurts.

11-02-2009, 11:12 AM	#33
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	All interesting points of view. Dana probably has it most closely aligned with how I feel. Dana has been out drinking with me. I don't have a normal relationship with alcohol. I will drink until all possible avenues of drinking are closed. Whether this is running out of money, closing time, lack of people to buy me drinks, whatever. I admit episodes of drinking here. That does not mean I confess what time I started, what time I finish, why I finished. I don't lie, but I won't necessarily lay out the full story. I don't see any reason to - I am ashamed, I have succumbed, I know it's not normal. Given a limitless supply of alcohol and no supervision for a week it's possible I would drink myself to death. The only thing preventing me would be a determination not to. This is not a normal relationship with alcohol. Recently, with the change in my medication, I've experienced side effects re my appetite. I was talking to Mum about it. She asked, "Are you just more hungry?" The best analogy I could come up with was that when I open my wardrobe, I am aware there are clothes in there. If I need to get dressed I will make a choice. Now, when I open the fridge all I can see is all the yummy food I want to eat. I want this, and that, and the other and the whole lot! It's not hunger, but it's certainly not an impassive appraisal. I've got it (mostly) under control, but have asked for another change of meds. So it is with alcohol. If I have the ways and means (and I can be very sly to ensure I do) I am tempted. Not all the time. And when I'm in a good stretch, hardly at all. I get the thought, I squish it. But once I've had a drink, hooo-eee! Opportunity, I take it. Money lying around, I spend it. £3? 5 cans. If I walk to the shop on Cambridge Street. After 21.00? S'okay, I can go to the roundabout at the bottom of the road - further and costs more, but if I have money it's okay. I will find money, I will spend money, I will drink until it's gone. That is a bad thing. I am trying to get on top of it. I think I am succeeding. I am, mostly. Still trying to work out if discussing it helps though. Admitting how low I am hurts. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

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