I have a complicated question...

[Iggy]

And I'm really not sure where to put this. I could put it in parenting, since it has to do with a child and child support... or I could put it in relationships, because it has to do with my relationship with me and my fiance. I thought if I put this in home base, it would cover everything.

Warning now... this is really long. First I will give you past info, so if you don't care to read all the surrounding information, go on down to the blue writing.

Basically, I have questions about child support. My fiance, we will call him A (I don't think he will want his name on the internet), was married with a pregnant wife when I met him. He is now 29 and I'm going to be 24. I was friends with the both of them, and since I met them when I was 17, I had plans to move in with the both of them so I could afford to live away from my family. We were even looking at houses for the three of us to live. At this point, they asked me to be in a threesome with them. I almost didn't do it, but I felt it was an offer I couldn't refuse. They both seemed ok with it. Everything was going good, and we all got along, both before and after our naughty activities.

Then everything fell apart. When I first met them, I thought everything was dandy. I had no idea they had been having problems, that were continually getting worse, for the last year. I would never have agreed to do anything with them if I had known this in advance. I just thought since they had both never been with anyone else they wanted to experiment, and I was ok with that.

They separated. She had the baby not long after. Me and A moved into a two bedroom apartment when they separated. She filed for divorce, even though it was his idea to get divorced. He wasn't happy in the relationship, and he was done. I worry sometimes that I was the reason they got divorced... after all, maybe being with someone besides her made him think he was missing something. I don't know. He promises me that isn't the case. He says it would have ended anyway... and the only thing that could have possibly happened was I sped it up.

By the way, they didn't want kids. She had gone off her birth control for some reason (I honestly don't recall) and she got pregnant the first month off of it. The doctor had told them that since she had been on it for 10 years or so, it would take a while for her to be able to get pregnant. He was wrong.

Anyway, it was a messy divorce. She was kinda psyco... which is one of the main reasons he left her. I felt bad for her, but with how she treated me, I wasn't inclined to try and comfort her. She didn't understand that he didn't want to be with her. She thought he wanted to be with me. Before we moved into the two bedroom apartment, he was actually under the impression I would never speak to him again because of all the negative situations we went through together. But I stuck by.

She had her rich grandparents hire her a good lawyer, and she stuck him with $440 child support payments each month. We barely got by. Basically, I got a second job to make up for the income he lost. It was too much... especially when we were only making $1,000 a month each at the time. That was half his income.

Fast forward 6 months... he was seeing his daughter only seldomly, and each time was a trial. They were required to meet at the police station to change hands, but she would always make up some excuse so he had to go the full way to get the baby. Sometimes, she wasn't even at home, he had to get her from the babysitters. Which she had neglected to tell him... he had to figure it out himself. The last time he saw his daughter was when she was 10 or 11 months old... She called A and said she needed to pick up the baby early. He said no, I have her till this time, so you can just wait. So she threatened to call child services on him for kidnapping. So he dropped the baby off to her (early as she demanded), and didn't speak to her anymore.

He was the one making the effort to see the baby, and she didn't want him to. Basically, she was trying to hurt him anyway she could and she was using his daughter to do that. So he decided he was done, he wouldn't let her do that to him anymore. That is why they got divorced after all.

But that is one thing I don't understand... she was so against him seeing her before, why does she want him to see her now? It makes me wonder that if the court knows that she did her damndest to keep him from seeing the baby, including moving out of state, will they reverse the child support? I don't know... but she was really sly and manipulative before, so I'm kinda worried that this is going to end horribly.

Well, since then he has lost the two jobs he was working, and gotten new ones. The child support was being taken out of his checks, so when he changed jobs they weren't taking it out anymore. Not long after this, she moved out of state and he didn't her from her again until recently. It has now been almost 6 years since they were divorced. He hasn't paid child support in about 4 1/2 or 5 of those years (at least from what I remember).

Now to my question... since part of the divorce decree that she stay in state, and she didn't, does that do anything to his part of the divorce decree? I.E. is he going to be required to pay all the back child support? She got a hold of him recently, and basically she says she is moving back here and she wants to know if he wants anything to do with his daughter. She has been remarried for about two years now, to their previous mutual best friend (which is part of the reason that I am not embarrassed to be with him... she married his best friend).

I also wanted to know if there was anyway we could find out from a government website how much he owes? It has been so long ago I don't remember when he switched jobs, and how much child support he had paid. Has anyone been in a situation with child support that could give me advice? It is a messy situation, but I love him and I knew all this going into it. He is so wonderful, and if he didn't have this messy past, he would be the perfect guy in my opinion. But I have gone on long enough. Time to let you all give me a taste of your wisdom. I thank you all in advance for your help with this.