London Olympics 2012 - oh, dear...

[Cyclefrance]

'Well, then, what have we here, constable?'

'Looks like a definite case of misrepresentation with malice, if you ask me, sarge.'

'Oh, really, and what brings you to that conclusion, my lad?

'Well, look at it, sarge - it's all bloated and it's not even moving - I mean there must be £10 billion pounds worth stuffed into it, and it hasn't even moved an inch!'

'£10 billion, you say - are you trying to be funny, lad? Last time I looked at it it was only £2 billion.'

'Yeah, I know sarge, but that was 2 years ago - and it looks as if it's had a real going over since then - look at all those marks. People have been laying into it, if you ask me. Poor thing,. And I don't reckon this is the end of it, either.'

'You may be right there my lad. It's not a pretty sight, is it? And a strange one, to boot - sort of nothing to see in one sense but a total calamity in the other. Hang on did I hear it move?'

'More a whimpering sound than any movement. Can we put it out of its misery?'

'Oh, no lad, can't do anything like that for at least another 5 years - and god knows what state it'll be in by then!'

'How can people do this sarge? I mean its criminal, isn't it?'

'Sure is, lad. Someone high up's involved - this has been planned, if you ask me - badly planned, but nevertheless planned. Now, if anyone ought to be arrested....'