To fart or not to fart?

[Hoof Hearted]

I have a medical condition that makes it difficult (near impossible) to control gaseous emissions from my rear end. I pick/choose my times for public forays wisely. At home, hubby understands and I do warn houseguests ahead of time. It is just too time consuming to run to the bathroom for every little puff of wind.

I have two FART STORIES to tell...
#1
I was about 16 and went fishing with my mother, step-dad and older step-brother. They fished, I sunbathed in my suit and read a good book. We were in an aluminum bottom boat with a shade canopy over one end where the parents were. SB and I were at the prow, he standing and fishing and me reading.
He caught some little fish (bluegill?) and when he lifted it into the boat it flopped around and I sat up and reached down to grab it. Well, I guess the fish had spines, because if stuck me and it hurt! When I abruptly sat up my stomach muscles must have done something to my innards because I let out the loudest, rumbliest, longest fart sound you've ever heard from a 110# 16 year old!
I wanted to dive to the bottom of the lake and never come up. Of course, everyone was dying laughing at me. I was mortified. Well, they never let me live it down and it was a fun family joke for many years. When I met Hubby and was dating him, they threatened to tell him the story of why I was not allowed near aluminum bottom boats...
...well, I finally managed to turn the tables on them...one night at a family dinner, I told Hubby about the incident and loudly announced that the REASON they continued to try to make me feel embarassed was because they felt INFERIOR due to the fact they could NEVER match my collossal(sp) fart from that day and they were JEALOUS of my superior farting skills.

#2
When Hubby and I first got together, we would politely 'warn' each other of impending farts by saying "foofie" to give the person options before the smell wafted their way. I don't know WHY we chose to say foofie, but, there you go. Anyway, we were driving home late one cold, winter evening and he let an SBD. I just about gagged! It was too cold to roll down the windows, though I tried to crack them and do the dog-nose out the window crack for fresh air.
I turned to him with tears in my eyes and said: "Did you FART?!"
He grinned and said in a sing-song voice; "Oh, foofie!"

Well, Karma's a bitch, so I don't have to be...

Some weeks later at home we are watching a movie on the tv. I'm sitting on the couch and he is lying on the couch with his head on my lap. I let an SBD and he LEAPED up off my lap, with his face all screwed up and said; "Did you FART?!"
I smiled at him, and said in a sing-song voice; "Oh, foofie!"