Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

[Trilby]

That's a blatant lie. I regret plenty. My first and most heartfelt regret: I never learned from my mistakes; I put my sons with divorce and for what? for ego.

I regret plenty. One o'clock in the morning or two in the afternoon--these things come back to haunt me, Brahm Bones-like, a spectre, but scary and real enough at the time. I've been selfish, living my life to suit me. A monster of suiting myself.

seems my insurance company is paying just a squeak of what needs paid (I owe my onco 2500) so they are going to start sending me to the hospital for treatment--the gulag, the dungeon. where they treat the indigent. they also said, "since you're having such a hard time with chemo, maybe the tumor has shrunk enough that you can just have the surgery..." meaning, we are sick of you and want you off our docket. we only want Brave Power Puff Grrrrls! NOt that I've been that bad, to say the truth. just in pain, and just a bit weeepy for the menopause---oh, yeah, and my life review, which I've failed. Satan would be proud of me---my selfish acts, my self centered way of looking at life, my inability to postpone pleasure even for my own good, lack of bill-paying acumen. my EVERYTHING. Rosemary's baby! I live!

I'm scared. I'm scared they are going to half-ass it and i will really end up dead of this pox. I hope I learn to change my ways before I die.