What is your totem?

[footfootfoot]

A few weeks ago we had a friend over for dinner and after a few drinks, she allowed, in a bragging, yet sub rosa kind of way, that her "totem animal" was the Eagle. She then proceeded to sound for us her eagle call.

Oh, it was chilling.

Actually, it was not the least bit chilling. SWMBO and I exchanged that special kind of glance and nodded politely.

Later, after our guest left I asked SWMBO why everyone who has a totem animal always chooses eagles, or bears, or some other heroic, or cuddly, or industrious animal. Now I say chooses, because that is really what is going on, despite all the weekend journeying workshops,or three day vision quests where you pretend that your totem presents itself to you.

Why does no one have the sewer rat as a totem? Or the siphillis spirochete? Or the sea cucumber? Or for fuck's sake the lawn grub?

It's the same as past lives. No one ever wants to own up to the fact that in a past life they were probably a wife beater or child molester. No, No, they were queens or kings or even specific queens. I've personally met no less than three women who told me that they were reincarnations of Cleopatra. Why don't these people swap genders? Why were they always some lofty, spiritual, noble person who, now in this life, is down on their luck, riding the subway with commoners?

You don't ever hear people say "Whew, boy I am glad I'm not a sex slave any more. It sure is great to be free and white and living in the U.S.A. and having a college education to boot. You'll never hear me piss and moan AGAIN."

Color me skeptical, however I want a totem animal. Not squirell nutkin either. I want a totem with some teeth,
MY TOTEM IS THE EBOLA ZAIRE VIRUS.

I'm proud of it. My totem will kick your totem's ass.

What's your totem, shrimp?