Man Has Sex With Bicycle

ZenGum · 11-15-2007, 10:36 AM

This from the BBC:

Quote:

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

The serious side:
What exactly did he do wrong? He's a consenting adult and the bicycle is... well, a bicycle. It was in his own bedroom! Is it a crime to not hear the knock on the door because you are, cough, too busy?
So the cleaners saw him. Would it have still been an offense if his partner had been a human? A sex-doll?
Three years registered as a sex offender for this????

the unserious side:

* That's not how to pump up the tires!
* Take good care of your inner tube.
* Back in the saddle again.
* No, "handlebar" is one word.

Shawnee123 · 11-15-2007, 10:39 AM

That's ridiculous. Your jokes, I mean. Just kidding!

glatt · 11-15-2007, 10:44 AM

A bicycle, you say? Hmm...

Shawnee123 · 11-15-2007, 10:45 AM

If he were any good at all, it would have been a unicycle and he would be spinning plates on sticks and juggling at the same time.

Glatt: get away from your kids' bikes.

lookout123 · 11-15-2007, 11:03 AM

wow, i hear the bicycles are wild.

SteveDallas · 11-15-2007, 11:10 AM

That is perverted. They need to just haul this scumbag off to jail where he belongs, so that decent, right-thinking citizens can get back to banging their roller skates.

Cicero · 11-15-2007, 11:28 AM

Hell, if it was his bicycle I don't see the problem. If he were scewing my bicycle there would be a problem....

Well, I'm trying to picture this and, well my problem is, how do you screw a bicycle? Spokes or seat or what?!?

A new way to do maintenance? Ran out of tools?

ZenGum · 11-15-2007, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cicero

Hell, if it was his bicycle I don't see the problem. If he were scewing my bicycle there would be a problem....

Jealousy?

Quote:

Well, I'm trying to picture this and, well my problem is, how do you screw a bicycle?

Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty.

Quote:

Spokes or seat or what?!?

A new way to do maintenance? Ran out of tools?

Tighten the nuts before you apply the lube ...

Cicero · 11-15-2007, 12:12 PM

Yes, jealousy Zen...I don't have a bike.

Spexxvet · 11-15-2007, 12:13 PM

That's sick. I only have sex with heterocycles.

Kitsune · 11-15-2007, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZenGum

Three years registered as a sex offender for this????

It would have been even more if the bicycle had been under age.

Shawnee123 · 11-15-2007, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

That's sick. I only have sex with heterocycles.

You're wheely funny!

Cloud · 11-15-2007, 12:29 PM

guess he didn't have a fat bottomed girl handy . . .

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

icileparadise · 11-15-2007, 12:31 PM

Maybe it was a tandem bike and his partner was hiding under the bed doping up.

ZenGum · 11-15-2007, 12:35 PM

welcome Icileparadise!

doesn't the tour d' France have enough image problems?!

Speaking of France ... is that a French inspired user name? Ici le paradise?

11-15-2007, 11:03 AM	#5
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	wow, i hear the bicycles are wild. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

11-15-2007, 11:28 AM	#7
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Hell, if it was his bicycle I don't see the problem. If he were scewing my bicycle there would be a problem.... Well, I'm trying to picture this and, well my problem is, how do you screw a bicycle? Spokes or seat or what?!? A new way to do maintenance? Ran out of tools? __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

11-15-2007, 12:12 PM	#9
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Yes, jealousy Zen...I don't have a bike. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

11-15-2007, 12:13 PM	#10
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	That's sick. I only have sex with heterocycles. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

11-15-2007, 12:29 PM	#13
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	guess he didn't have a fat bottomed girl handy . . . Bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I like __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

11-15-2007, 10:39 AM	#2
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	That's ridiculous. Your jokes, I mean. Just kidding!

11-15-2007, 10:44 AM	#3
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	A bicycle, you say? Hmm...

11-15-2007, 10:45 AM	#4
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	If he were any good at all, it would have been a unicycle and he would be spinning plates on sticks and juggling at the same time. Glatt: get away from your kids' bikes.

11-15-2007, 11:10 AM	#6
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	That is perverted. They need to just haul this scumbag off to jail where he belongs, so that decent, right-thinking citizens can get back to banging their roller skates.

11-15-2007, 12:31 PM	#14
icileparadise Coronation Incarnate Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Swiss Mountains Posts: 96	Maybe it was a tandem bike and his partner was hiding under the bed doping up.

11-15-2007, 12:35 PM	#15
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	welcome Icileparadise! doesn't the tour d' France have enough image problems?! Speaking of France ... is that a French inspired user name? Ici le paradise? __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

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