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06-02-2014, 11:28 PM
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#1 |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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crappy father's day gifts
For mother's day, they push all sorts of shit that should be a regular household purchase -like a new vacuum cleaner or matching spatula set -not the sort of shit you give someone to show them you appreciate them, but crap to make their role for which you are thankful more interesting/efficient/something.
For father's day they push gadgets, gizmos and toys. No fair. What would be the equivalent shit for fathers -not dodgy socks and monogrammed hankies but the stuff they use everyday in their stereotypical roles doing the shit they have to because no-one else will and it's expected of them? new trash cans with built in weights to they can work out as they take out the garbage? A special scoop for dead mice and other assorted corpses the cat brought in and they are expected to clean up? A tie with a built in (color co-ordinated) drain snake? And a matching toilet plunger that fits neatly into his laptop case? A robot to ground the kids when he gets home from work. The deluxe model could have a cupholder for his Scotch? 
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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06-02-2014, 11:48 PM
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#2 |
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I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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I see your female angst. And I am afraid you've blundered into a no win bitchy corner.
You see, while a woman gets all bent when her man buys her a fancy vacuum cleaner, or a top of the line iron, the man is delighted with his snow blower or zero radius walk behind mower.
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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06-02-2014, 11:56 PM
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#3 |
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The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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A reversible leaf blower to suck spiders from their lairs, would be nice.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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06-03-2014, 12:44 AM
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#4 |
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Snowflake
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Dystopia
Posts: 13,136
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Do they make kid-grounding, scotch-holding robots?
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****************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio |
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06-03-2014, 03:13 AM
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#5 |
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polaroid of perfection
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
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Edible jockey shorts which taste of Pinot Grigio? Pleasure for him and her (as long as he only slips into them straight from the chocolate scented shower).
A warm jacket which shrinks slightly in the cold/ wet, making it necessary to hand it over to an underdressed partner on a night out. A trained spider to squeeze the spots on his back. Actually that's creepy rather than crappy.
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Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac |
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06-03-2014, 04:26 PM
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#6 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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@ no one in particular:
For Father's Day, how about stop bitching, grab the kids and disappear for five - six hours, leaving behind a freshly delivered pizza (none of that DiGiorno's shit), and a six pack. Show back up at eleven pm with unconscious kids, a rolled joint and a blow job? Maybe I shoulda had kids, that sounds pretty damn good.
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 These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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06-03-2014, 04:52 PM
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#7 |
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I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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Except I want my bj first thing when I wake up.
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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06-03-2014, 08:16 PM
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#8 | |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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Quote:
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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06-03-2014, 09:00 PM
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#9 |
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I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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What if beest got you a vacuum sealer for food? Or a Belgian waffle iron?
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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06-03-2014, 11:20 PM
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#10 |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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you think those are toys?
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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06-03-2014, 11:23 PM
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#11 |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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but I'm not after an argument or even a discussion, I was just after some silly suggestions for crappy gifts, inspired by the difference in the type of products pushed in commercials for aforementioned hallmark holidays.
(I'm not beest's mama and we don't really do gifts for either so your question is moot ...oh and I'm not the primary foodificator. )
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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06-04-2014, 06:45 AM
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#12 |
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still says videotape
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 26,813
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It looks like guys like their home roles more than gals do. I stick to the flowers/candy routine for the Hallmark holiday. If we insist on gift giving then Pete should look here. I've recently had the irrational desire to teach myself to hand-hew beams.
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If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis |
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06-04-2014, 08:38 AM
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#13 | |
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™
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
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Quote:
I understand when standing on a log and chopping at the top side of it with an adze, you want to aim about one-two inches beneath your big toe. Crazy. And don't be this guy. I'm sure he's good, but we all make little mistakes from time to time.  |
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06-04-2014, 12:22 PM
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#14 | |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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Quote:
How do those people from Belgia make such great waffle irons, anyway?
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06-04-2014, 06:41 PM
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#15 | |
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Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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Quote:
and a good reminder why there are lots of log cabins and practically NO hand-hewn-beam cabins.
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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