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Old 02-16-2010, 10:54 PM   #1
xoxoxoBruce
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Feb 17, 2010; Bacon Torch
Ever get heartburn from bacon? Lucky it wasn't from this bacon.

Quote:
I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half. My initial attempts were failures, but I knew success was within reach when I was able to ignite and melt the pan using seven beef sticks and a cucumber.


Quote:
I used prosciutto (Italian for "expensive bacon") because it is a superior engineering grade of meat. I wrapped slices of it into thin tubes and baked them overnight in a warm oven to drive off all the water. Then I bundled seven of those together, wrapped them in additional slices, and baked the bundle again until it was hard and dry.
To make an airtight, less-flammable outer casing, I wrapped this fuel core with uncooked prosciutto before attaching one end of it to an oxygen hose.
OK, but what about the cucumber?

Quote:
It turns out there are much easier ways to do this. For example, while researching how to build a vegetarian lance, I hit on the perfect pipe material -- hollowed-out cucumbers. The pressure-containment capacity of a standard cucumber is remarkable, and the smooth skin makes it easy to create an airtight seal with the pipe delivering oxygen to the device. A cucumber packed with beef sticks will burn for almost two minutes, and a completely vegetarian version stuffed with breadsticks, though not quite as long-lasting, still produces a very impressive flame.
Vegetarian thermal lance? Oh sure, how about a kosher A-bomb too.


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Old 02-16-2010, 11:10 PM   #2
monster
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I have better uses for bacon.

...and cucmbers....
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Old 02-17-2010, 12:00 AM   #3
toranokaze
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wast of bacon
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Old 02-17-2010, 05:12 AM   #4
SPUCK
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Could be very useful if you were trapped in a prison cell with a bunch of meat.

And cucumbers.


And a hose.

And a regulator.


And a cylinder of oxygen...
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Old 02-17-2010, 05:19 AM   #5
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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....phallic bacon....
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Old 02-17-2010, 07:06 AM   #6
Slight
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so 2009
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:16 AM   #7
xoxoxoBruce
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My link's earlier than your link.
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:35 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna View Post
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....phallic bacon....
A flame-throwing bacon cock, no less.
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:42 AM   #9
dlturman
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WOW. 1200degrees of [kelvin] bacon
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:46 AM   #10
xoxoxoBruce
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Kelvin Bacon.
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Old 02-17-2010, 06:28 PM   #11
lupin..the..3rd
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A good pickup line: Hey babe, I can cut through steel with my meat!
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:12 PM   #12
monster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
Kelvin Bacon.
degrees kelvin....
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Old 02-18-2010, 03:24 AM   #13
ZenGum
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Quote:
I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half.
Clearly, beer was involved.
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Old 02-18-2010, 07:26 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monster View Post
I have better uses for bacon.

...and cucmbers....
Taking "pork" to the next level, are we?
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Old 02-18-2010, 12:52 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenGum View Post
Clearly, beer was involved.
Clearly, medication was not.
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