What would you do differently if you could redo the first 3 months?

[DucksNuts]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I always used to hate the hours of 4pm to 6pm with my boys. It was just really tough because they were totally fractious and I had other stuff to do at that time always. It's the same for most new parents from what I've heard.

The thing I'm planning on doing differently with the new one is to get stuff down beforehand so that I can devote my attention to him at that time. Dinner be damned!

Arsenic Hour....awesome funness!!

Originally Posted by Riddil

Sorry to admit, but this thread is entirely for selfish reasons. My wife and I are expecting in June. Last night I had a sudden realization: we were spending so much time pouring through the "how to handle the pregnancy" stages I realized that I haven't begun to consider how to handle the days following BIRTH.

Agreed, so much focus is on the birth...its no wonder the first 3 months can be so daunting.

Take as much time off work as you can after the birth, to help your wife (and yourself) settle in to the new life.

Prepare yourselves for the fact that breastfeeding doesnt always come *naturally*...it takes some work, some sweat and at times....tears. Worth the effort for sure, but sometimes its not easy. Listen to all advice and pick what works for you, dont be scare to comp feed if you have too.

Over here, there are *breastfeeding clinics* which are a free service offered to any new mother and the ones here are fanfriggentastic, mainly helping with attachment issues and confidence.

We have a swag over post birth help services here..sleep school, settling classes, breastfeeding clinic, in home Maternal Health Nurse visits, House cleaning for c/sections etc

Take advantage of them all, if nothing else you get to talk to other new parents and realise they are facing the same challenges, and gets you guys out of the house.

3 - 4 months are pretty taxing, but once that bub starts sleeping through most of the nite...you will wonder the fuss was about.

[smoothmoniker]

With our second child, his tongue had extra tissue connecting to the bottom of his mouth, so he couldn't latch and suck properly - he would push instead. My wife tried desperately to get him to breastfeed, but the pain was excruciating. Her nipples got cracked and infected, and it became so bad that she had to have surgery to clear out the infected area.

She felt like a complete failure because she couldn't breastfeed. She cried every time she had to give him a bottle.

Still, the boob nazis would berate her in public when they saw her giving him a bottle. She would sometimes try to explain the story to them, but they didn't want to hear it. One actually said, "Well, it's hard! Don't be a wimp. If you want what's best for him, you'll put up with a little pain."

I almost punched her in the throat.

[Stormieweather]

I couldn't breastfeed my tiny little bundle of joy. She was too small and I was too big. Anyone who harrassed me got the finger

Anyway, having had three babies, the last of which was a late-age suprise, I have only a bit of advice:

Slow down and enjoy those three months. They'll be over before you know it, and you can never redo them. Don't worry about things like keeping the house spotless or folding laundry or weed-wacking the yard....romance the baby instead. Hold him/her, get to know every unique thing about him/her, talk, sing, rock him/her endlessly. Take naps when he/she does and enjoy his/her waking moments.

Bond. Enjoy the precious time.

[Aliantha]

Yep, ignore the 'breast is best' nazi's if there's any reason why the baby can't be breast fed, or even if it's a decision your wife makes independant of any circumstances which are out of her control.

This is your child, and you're the one who loves it. Not them.

Neither of my two were breast fed and they're both top of their class, so I defy anyone to tell me that if you don't breast feed, your child will be less intelligent. Also, they're healthy as horses and always have been.

Sure it's a nice bonding experience, and I definitely advocate the natural alternative against the processed one in all food types, but if it doesn't happen for whatever reason, definitely don't lose sleep over it, and definitely don't let your wife feel guilty about it.

It's no one's business but your own.

[footfootfoot]

RE: Burping. What Clod said. Yeah, you really gotta kind of Whomp 'em a bit harder than you'd expect. They are actually pretty tough, don't whale on 'em but pat 'em ant-killing strong.

And they are all different, as any parent who has lost their senses long enough to say "leave it in" will tell you, the second one is nothing like the first. I'd willing to believe that the same would be true for 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. I don't need to find out.

Oh and to hell with everything else but sleep. Fuck cleaning and cooking. Stock up on frozen foods and such. Most people, not all, are in a state of shock for the first few months.

Good luck.

And Thanks for the vote of confidence Sundae

[jinx]

Regret nothing by making informed decisions in the first place. Don't just take your mom's or your neighbor's advice, because when it comes down to it only you (parents) are responsible for your decisions. You have to feel good about them, or you'll feel bad about them. Spend the time researching and thinking about issues as (or even better, before) the arise. When you've educated yourself and thought things thru , there's no reason to be regretful or defensive later, and everyone is happier.

[Riddil]

Wow, a lot of great advice! And I was already fairly certain that the only "once-size-fits-all" bit of advice was probably from Douglas Adams... "Don't Panic".

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

In Pooka's Discipline of the Boobie Variety thread (re breastfeeding), Foot highly recommends books by Penelope Leach (his post).

I know you say you have read enough books, but as Foot comes across as a pretty good Dad, I think it might be worth taking a look. He gives other advice in the same post anyway.

Actually, already spied it, and already dug it out on Amazon. :-D Judging from some of the comments it seems like it takes a pretty extreme view. But I'm fairly open-minded, I'll listen to any new ideas. I like the slant... instead of focusing on the parents perspective of a new baby, it tries to explain the world from the baby's perspective. Interesting.

[Beest]

What SteveDallas and Jinx said, listen to lot's of advice digest or ignore it, then figure out what works for you.

Oh, and don't drop them in the cat's food bowls (the cats get very pissy about it.)