Things that make you know you're doing something right.

[classicman]

Dredging - That's a great description of it. Man I gotta say it gets more difficult as they get older. That could be due in part to past failures though. Hmm, contemplating on that one.

[BigV]

One. Bucket. At. A. Time.

Dump the crap on the bank. Repeat. Take periodic breaks. Back to work.

[classicman]

SonofV is how old???

Mine are all in their late teens.

[ZenGum]

BigV, I believe parenting is just about the hardest job there is. To get a child to become a competent adult amongst all the possible ways of going wrong takes a huge amount of work, ability, patience and a fair bit of luck.
On the bright side, there are a lot of different ways it can go right.
I reckon your lad has a pretty good chance.

[Treasenuak]

I'm a new mom at 25, and I have to admit, I'm terrified. My daughter's ten months old now, and I see new skills and new advances every day. She's figured out how to be rebellious, how to push and test the limits, how to fuss back at me when I scold her, and I really don't know how to respond to that, other than a firm no and angry face to show her such behavior isn't acceptable. I have trouble dealing with discipline on a daily basis now; I can't imagine how she's going to be in ten, twelve years. -shudders- One day at a time, I guess?

[classicman]

yeh, one day at a time. My baby is driving

[Aliantha]

Originally Posted by Treasenuak

I'm a new mom at 25, and I have to admit, I'm terrified. My daughter's ten months old now, and I see new skills and new advances every day. She's figured out how to be rebellious, how to push and test the limits, how to fuss back at me when I scold her, and I really don't know how to respond to that, other than a firm no and angry face to show her such behavior isn't acceptable. I have trouble dealing with discipline on a daily basis now; I can't imagine how she's going to be in ten, twelve years. -shudders- One day at a time, I guess?

The best advice I can offer you is to be consistant. If you discipline her for something once, just always do it. If she figures out that she'll get her own way by pushing the point, you'll be digging yourself a hole so big you'll need to be airlifted out of it.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Treasenuak

My daughter's ten months old now, and I see new skills and new advances every day. She's figured out how to be rebellious, how to push and test the limits, how to fuss back at me when I scold her, and I really don't know how to respond to that, other than a firm no and angry face to show her such behavior isn't acceptable.

10 months old is still a baby, and I'm pretty sure that developmentally, a child that age in incapable of "manipulating" a parent. If the baby is fussing, there's probably a reason for it other than rebelling against an authority figure.

At that age, saying "no" and redirecting the baby to something else is probably the best bet. Just try to be consistent. That really is the key. They eventually figure out what the heck you want them to do, but only when you are consistent.

It's not going to be a one time deal of saying "no" and then she'll never do it again. You'll have to do it over and over again. But they learn.

[Aliantha]

Believe it or not glatt, even newborns figure out very quickly how to get their parents to come running. That's a clinical fact btw, not something I just pulled out of my arse.

As an example, there was a study done at one stage on children of disabled parents. What they found most interesting was that children of deaf parents rarely made any noise during their tantrums. This behaviour developed from the begining.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Believe it or not glatt, even newborns figure out very quickly how to get their parents to come running. That's a clinical fact btw, not something I just pulled out of my arse.

As an example, there was a study done at one stage on children of disabled parents. What they found most interesting was that children of deaf parents rarely made any noise during their tantrums. This behaviour developed from the begining.

Cite, please.

[Clodfobble]

Not the study Aliantha was talking about, but a similar one: Hearing babies of deaf parents "babble" with their hands as young as six months, in ways babies of hearing parents don't.

[BigV]

I'm straining not to seem combative on this point. I honestly don't want a fight over it.

So here's my take on it.

A newborn doesn't manipulate the parents. No way. A newborn is a baby and my adult reactions to it are coming from me. I'm not... What I do in response to what I'm hearing seeing smelling sensing from the baby is because of my thoughts and decisions and instincts. The baby's not manipulating me, come on. The baby wants food, comfort, rest. There's not an "agenda" that rises to the level of manipulation. Not before a year, no way.

Certainly as they grow and become more aware of themselves and of others and experience the staggering epiphany that those aren't the same, then it's possible to imagine that they're doing something to get *somebody else* to do something. Until then, their actions are mostly REactions to their own internal states.

I've spent plenty of time around babies and I love them. Even the ones I love can "make me feel manipulated". But honestly, that feeling comes from me, not from the baby. Because I want to soothe her, because I want to make him laugh. Because I need to breathe fewer poop molecules. That's all me. The crying and giggling and arm waving and drooling, that's all just being a baby.

[Stormieweather]

Babies behave in certain ways in order to get their needs met. Nothing more. It is our job as parents to meet those needs.

Manipulation implies fraud, deception or devious behavior for one's own advantage.

A baby's cognitive skills and reasoning abilities are not nearly developed enough for them to be capable of manipulation.

Is a crying child manipulating the parent?

Wanting to be held, loved, and comforted is just as much a 'need' as hunger, discomfort, and being tired.

[Sundae]

Having read Desmond Morris' Babywatching, which completely turned the ideas of babies I grew up with on its head, I was completely willing to accept that a baby is only reacting to need when it cries.

But then, I went to dinner at my friend's house. Her ten month old could crawl very well and was pretty mobile. But whenever her mother was out of her sight she would cry. Sit down and cry and hold her arms up until she was picked up. It was definitely learned behaviour.

Now of course she would develop past this stage and want to become more independent as her curiousity in the world increased. I'm not saying she was spoiled or that it was wrong. And I'm sure she'll grow up hugely confident knowing her mother was always there to support her. But it was dependency.

[HungLikeJesus]

Do British babies cry with a British accent?