Polishing the Buckle on the Bible Belt

Elspode · 08-10-2005, 11:28 PM

News Flash - State of Kansas requires all residents to turn in their intelligence and pick up their Bibles.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050810/...e_evolution_dc

Happy Monkey · 08-10-2005, 11:46 PM

Ah... the academic freedom of elementary school kids.

Bullitt · 08-11-2005, 12:02 AM

I just love people giving my faith a bad rap to the rest of the world.. ugh

08-11-2005, 12:04 AM

Oh, Lord! Colorado is probably next! I just don't understand what the Fundies' big problem with evolution is. OK, they seem to want to believe that man was a "special" creation of God as near as I can figure, and the process of evolution isn't "special" enough in their opinion. So? Well? Why can't they be happy with just brain washing their OWN children and handing out religous tracts? Do the Fundies think that the study of evolutionary science will inspire a young person to lead a life of crime and sin? How come evolution is bad, but the Fundies are more than happy to take advantage of medical treatments which were developed and discovered using the exact same scientific principles as the ones used in the study of evolutionary science? Like, it seems to me the use of anti-biotics should be considered a sin as well. How about cancer research (we'll leave stem cells out of it)? Wouldn't it be evil to get treatment for cancer? If I had a vision that God told me the gasoline powered engine was evil and I wrote down this vision in my own Holy Book, could I campaign against the teaching of engineering since it argued against MY system of belief? I just don't get this stuff!

Bullitt · 08-11-2005, 12:14 AM

Alot of the Christian fundies are Catholics.. and they don't like change. Esp. when it comes to anything they've held in belief for a long while. Creationism being the utmost untouchable.
I personally believe that God kind of coaxed evolution through the whole process, giving things a jump start when they needed it, preparing things on Earth slowly but surely for it's final supreme inhabitants, humans.

But hey that's just me.

08-11-2005, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bullitt

I personally believe that God kind of coaxed evolution through the whole process, giving things a jump start when they needed it, preparing things on Earth slowly but surely for it's final supreme inhabitants, humans.

But hey that's just me.

Well, I have no problem with you believing that, but what's so awful about believing that all God did was set off a lightening bolt in the primordial ooze and when about his/her business in some other part of the universe and did nothing more? What's so terrible about believing that the whole thing happened because of the laws of physics and biology? How come if I believe in God, that means you can't teach YOUR children science?

Bullitt · 08-11-2005, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

Well, I have no problem with you believing that, but what's so awful about believing that all God did was set off a lightening bolt in the primordial ooze and when about his/her business in some other part of the universe and did nothing more? What's so terrible about believing that the whole thing happened because of the laws of physics and biology? How come if I believe in God, that means you can't teach YOUR children science?

Tradition. Religion is 90% traditions and people get pissed when you tell them that either their tradition is wrong, or they should change it. Tradition even in the sense of thoughts, not just holidays, etc.

Troubleshooter · 08-11-2005, 09:02 AM

I can't wait until we're all four feet tall, brownish-grey, with big-eyes and over-sized craniums.

I'm going to ask these ignorant monkeys, "What the fuck are you going to call it now?"

The only thing worse than willfull ignorance is forcing your willfull ignorance on me and mine.

Fucking dolts.

Urbane Guerrilla · 08-11-2005, 04:49 PM

Let's hear it for intelligent religious denominations!

I'm baptized and confirmed Episcopalian -- thought is encouraged. Even if the much-venerated via media is so littered and messy one is tempted to grab a broom. Some Episcopalians will quip in reply to an oft-raised challenge from unchurched people that they don't believe in organized religion either.

If anything, I was raised Unitarian -- Christians who avoid even the profession of the Christian Creeds, Nicene, Apostles', or the Athanasian. With this bunch, thought is required. Nothing's handed you; you find it with your own intellect.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-11-2005, 05:34 PM

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

Happy Monkey · 08-11-2005, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

Technically, that's not a coincidence, but a deception.

Which is just what I would expect from the Pastamancer's natural enemy.

08-11-2005, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution...

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature...

I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

Oh, God, Bruce that is priceless! Second time in two days you've had me laughing out loud in front of my computer screen!

SEND IT! DO IT! YEA!

BigV · 08-28-2005, 03:25 AM

The Japan Times weighs in.

Quote:

Well, I felt that I just had to get to the bottom of this theory of Intelligent Design. So I went right to the source and contacted the Dorothy Toto School of Intelligent Design in Rumsfeld, Kansas. It was a miracle, too, that the phone was answered by none other than the principal of the Dorothy Toto School himself, I.M. Lord. The following is a faithful, if you will, transcript of that interview.

richlevy · 08-28-2005, 10:21 AM

The Darwinists need counter programming.

Quote:

Introducing a new and exciting main Character, "Dirt," the urban rock chick, g-string wearing girl and 'Mr Boo,' her emotive bear backpack that conveys information about the surrounding game world.

This should get the interest of the high school gamers, at least.

08-10-2005, 11:28 PM	#1
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Polishing the Buckle on the Bible Belt News Flash - State of Kansas requires all residents to turn in their intelligence and pick up their Bibles. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050810/...e_evolution_dc __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

08-10-2005, 11:46 PM	#2
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	Ah... the academic freedom of elementary school kids. __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

08-11-2005, 12:02 AM	#3
Bullitt This is a fully functional babe lair Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Akron, OH Posts: 2,324	I just love people giving my faith a bad rap to the rest of the world.. ugh __________________ Kiss my white Irish ass.

08-11-2005, 12:14 AM	#5
Bullitt This is a fully functional babe lair Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Akron, OH Posts: 2,324	Alot of the Christian fundies are Catholics.. and they don't like change. Esp. when it comes to anything they've held in belief for a long while. Creationism being the utmost untouchable. I personally believe that God kind of coaxed evolution through the whole process, giving things a jump start when they needed it, preparing things on Earth slowly but surely for it's final supreme inhabitants, humans. But hey that's just me. __________________ Kiss my white Irish ass.

08-11-2005, 09:02 AM	#8
Troubleshooter The urban Jane Goodall Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,012	I can't wait until we're all four feet tall, brownish-grey, with big-eyes and over-sized craniums. I'm going to ask these ignorant monkeys, "What the fuck are you going to call it now?" The only thing worse than willfull ignorance is forcing your willfull ignorance on me and mine. Fucking dolts. __________________ I have gained this from philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. - Aristotle

08-11-2005, 12:04 AM	#4
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Oh, Lord! Colorado is probably next! I just don't understand what the Fundies' big problem with evolution is. OK, they seem to want to believe that man was a "special" creation of God as near as I can figure, and the process of evolution isn't "special" enough in their opinion. So? Well? Why can't they be happy with just brain washing their OWN children and handing out religous tracts? Do the Fundies think that the study of evolutionary science will inspire a young person to lead a life of crime and sin? How come evolution is bad, but the Fundies are more than happy to take advantage of medical treatments which were developed and discovered using the exact same scientific principles as the ones used in the study of evolutionary science? Like, it seems to me the use of anti-biotics should be considered a sin as well. How about cancer research (we'll leave stem cells out of it)? Wouldn't it be evil to get treatment for cancer? If I had a vision that God told me the gasoline powered engine was evil and I wrote down this vision in my own Holy Book, could I campaign against the teaching of engineering since it argued against MY system of belief? I just don't get this stuff!

08-11-2005, 04:49 PM	#9
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	Let's hear it for intelligent religious denominations! I'm baptized and confirmed Episcopalian -- thought is encouraged. Even if the much-venerated via media is so littered and messy one is tempted to grab a broom. Some Episcopalians will quip in reply to an oft-raised challenge from unchurched people that they don't believe in organized religion either. If anything, I was raised Unitarian -- Christians who avoid even the profession of the Christian Creeds, Nicene, Apostles', or the Athanasian. With this bunch, thought is required. Nothing's handed you; you find it with your own intellect. __________________ Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course.

08-11-2005, 05:34 PM	#10
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design. Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him. It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith. Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease. I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t. You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature. In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence. Sincerely Yours, Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 04-07-2007 at 05:55 PM.

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