Keeping minor league hockey safe from terrorists

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A sad commentary on wartime paranoia:

When I went to the Phantoms games on Friday and Sunday nights, the people at the door had handheld metal detectors with which to frisk the fans before allowing them entry.

Particularly on Friday night, this cracked me up quite a bit. Allen Iverson is playing next door, probably on national television, and any self-respecting terrorist would choose an AHL GAME as his target instead?

When I attend the next game, I'm toying with the notion of making a stop at a local specialty store beforehand.

Scene: I reach the security droid in line, and he waves his wand over me. As he reaches the bottom of my jeans, BEEP! I apologize, say "Oh, I'm sorry -- here," pull up my pantleg, and pull a seven-inch metal dildo or vibrator out of my sock. I say "Sorry -- forgot about this," hand it to the security droid, and say "It's okay, it's an older model."

The look on the security droid's face might make the prospect of what they'd do to me worthwhile...