Anxious

freshnesschronic · 02-11-2007, 11:50 AM

I was told there are two times in a relationship (a courtship NOT marriage! {I don't know crap about that})when you're always fighting and things are hella rough. The 6th month judgment (everything isn't infatuation no more) and the 2 year judgement (is he/she worth all I've invested?).

I can't wait for my and my girl to get to 2.5 years to pass this stage already.

Cloud · 02-11-2007, 04:28 PM

there's also the 7 year itch and the 20 year rethinking.

It's all B.S. quit worrying about that and what you were told, and just concentrate on her and you.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-11-2007, 04:45 PM

What about the annual "what the hell was I thinking"? Oh wait, we're not talking about the marriage yet. Nevermind

freshnesschronic, worrying about old wives tales will only become a self fulfilling prophesy. At 2.5 years you'll have passed nothing. Relationships are like pets, they must be attended and cared for, every day.

The up side is, if you take care of it, you'll enjoy and benefit from it. And when you are getting joy and benefit from it, attending and caring for it will be a pleasure rather than a chore. Enjoy.

limey · 02-11-2007, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

... Relationships are like pets, they must be attended and cared for, every day.

The up side is, if you take care of it, you'll enjoy and benefit from it. And when you are getting joy and benefit from it, attending and caring for it will be a pleasure rather than a chore. Enjoy.

monster · 02-11-2007, 08:20 PM

You can over-analyse things, you know.....

People also say that you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up.

Beestie · 02-11-2007, 09:26 PM

best advice I ever got was to give her some space two weeks before and two weeks after her... you know.

Aliantha · 02-12-2007, 01:14 AM

Hmmm...that wouldn't give you much time together would it Beestie? lol

missaminus · 02-12-2007, 11:39 PM

just remember that you are dating an imperfect person and so is she...

there are very few things that are really worth fighting about...

and once you admit that she's right, you are wrong, and that it's all your fault, marriage will be very easy for you to handle

BTW, I've been married 15 yrs next month, and when I don't want to kill him, I'm actually quite ambivalent about him

freshnesschronic · 02-13-2007, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missaminus

just remember that you are dating an imperfect person and so is she...

there are very few things that are really worth fighting about...

and once you admit that she's right, you are wrong, and that it's all your fault, marriage will be very easy for you to handle

BTW, I've been married 15 yrs next month, and when I don't want to kill him, I'm actually quite ambivalent about him

Daaaaaaaaaang, marriage really does work out like that. I'm just to become a dog on a leash.

Meh, she's worth it

xoxoxoBruce · 02-13-2007, 06:43 PM

Can you tell us why she's worth it?
Great sex?
Great cook?
Got a cool car?
Father owns a liquor store?
Trophy wife, feather in your cap?

Seriously, why is this one, and not others, worth being a pet on a leash?

freshnesschronic · 02-13-2007, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Can you tell us why she's worth it?
Great sex?
Great cook?
Got a cool car?
Father owns a liquor store?
Trophy wife, feather in your cap?

Seriously, why is this one, and not others, worth being a pet on a leash?

Check (oh her body makes me wanna...).
CHECK (her cookies are DELISH).
Check (a Scion XA).
No but that doesnt phase me.
No! But she is a looker, but we're the same age and I'm broke so neither.

The reason why? Is just because, she's the one; no one will accept me for who I am as easily as she did and does.

Sundae · 02-14-2007, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

The reason why? Is just because, she's the one; no one will accept me for who I am as easily as she did and does.

Don't stay with someone because of how they feel about you. If you believe no-one else will ever love you as much or accept you as easily then perhaps you might want to think about changing yourself, rather than choosing someone by default.

Someone else's devotion isn't enough to make a working relationship. When you get tired of being adored, you don't look for greener grass, but the rocky ground outside sure looks like a great challenge. And then you break the heart of someone who was loving, trusting and only wanted to make things easy for you - and no-one forgives you, especially not yourself.

I'm sure your comment wasn't meant seriously and your lady has lots to recommend her (as per the list). But if you do hold her acceptance in high esteem, do think carefully before committing totally.

freshnesschronic · 02-14-2007, 08:51 PM

Thanks!

Aliantha · 02-14-2007, 09:51 PM

I reckon that chances are, if you can recognize that someone loves you so much that you feel no one else could ever love you better, that's one very good reason to be with someone. If you didn't like how that made you feel you'd be creeped out. If you feel the same way in return, that's probably about the only reason you'd think that that person loves you better than anyone else ever will. If you didn't then you'd be either creeped out, or maybe thinking it's cool someone likes you so much, but knowing there's got to be someone else that will love you better.

freshnesschronic · 03-06-2007, 07:07 AM

Hmmmm... Everything sucks. It's 6:45 AM and I've gotten 1 hour and 10 minutes off tossing, turning uncomfortable "sleep." My girlfriend just decided we needed to take a "break." As in don't have to talk everyday, not going through the motions. Basically "we're not breaking up, or seeing other people, but I don't want to commit to you right now." That's how I see it, and to me that's pretty lame.

Remember the 2 year investment reevaluation mark? Well, we never recovered. She is very incapable of expressing her feelings to me (she's Chinese, she wasn't raised to know HOW

) but she told me pretty good how it is tonite. These last two months have been very, very bad. And I agree with her. But I didn't want this break. I wanted to endure the hell, because this year was a sacrifice for the relationship as a whole. I knew it would be very hard (I had no idea it'd be this hard!!) but I'm willing to go through with this year of hell because the payoff is what I'm looking for. Hopefully she will go to U of I as well and then if she does we're guaranteed for life.

But anway, she said she's almost been depressed, she gets no sleep, she is dropping grades in school and has major family issues-- on top of that she has to deal with the stress of a relationship. She said she wanted time off to get her life back together. Some of you may feel sympathy for her, but let me tell you how I feel.

Tough shit. No one gives married couples a "break" or "time off" from being MARRIED! The real world doesn't allow for any less stress. This break goes against all of my beliefs in relationships. I feel you either commit entirely to the relationship or you get out of it. There's no room for half assing. That's why this is so hard for me. I am sorry she's having a rough time. But you know what, who doesn't experience strife in their life! People manage stress with relationships all the time and there's nothing they can do about it but DEAL with it. Well, I'm ready to deal with it. I was GOING to deal with it. Endure the pain because Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks and I'll be home and then Summer Break just over a month from then! And then hopefully we will never be apart, if she goes to U of I! I feel it is just a VERY selfish decision on her part.

No I don't want her life to be hard, harder than it should be. But I don't want my family members getting cancer either, but I have no control. Relationships (especially long distance relationships) are freaking tough! Get kneepads, wristguards if you can't handle it.

The only reason why I allowed this, is because I made her promise that she'll come back to me and she will continue loving me through this whole "break." But it's not like she hasn't broken promises or unintentionally lied to me before. Heck, her communication skills are in the negative numbers sometimes. Talk is cheap. This is just security reinforcement but as always, some security doesn't work regardless.

I don't have good feelings about this, at all. So I'm going to finally do some weed, since she didn't let me before.

Weird way to end this post? Hardly, horrible way to start what I see, the beginning of the end.

02-11-2007, 11:50 AM	#1
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Anxious I was told there are two times in a relationship (a courtship NOT marriage! {I don't know crap about that})when you're always fighting and things are hella rough. The 6th month judgment (everything isn't infatuation no more) and the 2 year judgement (is he/she worth all I've invested?). I can't wait for my and my girl to get to 2.5 years to pass this stage already.

02-11-2007, 04:28 PM	#2
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	there's also the 7 year itch and the 20 year rethinking. It's all B.S. quit worrying about that and what you were told, and just concentrate on her and you. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

02-11-2007, 04:45 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	What about the annual "what the hell was I thinking"? Oh wait, we're not talking about the marriage yet. Nevermind freshnesschronic, worrying about old wives tales will only become a self fulfilling prophesy. At 2.5 years you'll have passed nothing. Relationships are like pets, they must be attended and cared for, every day. The up side is, if you take care of it, you'll enjoy and benefit from it. And when you are getting joy and benefit from it, attending and caring for it will be a pleasure rather than a chore. Enjoy. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-11-2007, 08:20 PM	#5
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	You can over-analyse things, you know..... People also say that you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

02-11-2007, 09:26 PM	#6
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	best advice I ever got was to give her some space two weeks before and two weeks after her... you know. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

02-12-2007, 01:14 AM	#7
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Hmmm...that wouldn't give you much time together would it Beestie? lol __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-12-2007, 11:39 PM	#8
missaminus Writer of Writings Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: I bloom where planted Posts: 14	just remember that you are dating an imperfect person and so is she... there are very few things that are really worth fighting about... and once you admit that she's right, you are wrong, and that it's all your fault, marriage will be very easy for you to handle BTW, I've been married 15 yrs next month, and when I don't want to kill him, I'm actually quite ambivalent about him __________________ "The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage." J. Jacques, Questionable Content, #478

02-13-2007, 06:43 PM	#10
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Can you tell us why she's worth it? Great sex? Great cook? Got a cool car? Father owns a liquor store? Trophy wife, feather in your cap? Seriously, why is this one, and not others, worth being a pet on a leash? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-14-2007, 08:51 PM	#13
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Thanks!

02-14-2007, 09:51 PM	#14
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I reckon that chances are, if you can recognize that someone loves you so much that you feel no one else could ever love you better, that's one very good reason to be with someone. If you didn't like how that made you feel you'd be creeped out. If you feel the same way in return, that's probably about the only reason you'd think that that person loves you better than anyone else ever will. If you didn't then you'd be either creeped out, or maybe thinking it's cool someone likes you so much, but knowing there's got to be someone else that will love you better. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-06-2007, 07:07 AM	#15
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Update...Though it's a downer Hmmmm... Everything sucks. It's 6:45 AM and I've gotten 1 hour and 10 minutes off tossing, turning uncomfortable "sleep." My girlfriend just decided we needed to take a "break." As in don't have to talk everyday, not going through the motions. Basically "we're not breaking up, or seeing other people, but I don't want to commit to you right now." That's how I see it, and to me that's pretty lame. Remember the 2 year investment reevaluation mark? Well, we never recovered. She is very incapable of expressing her feelings to me (she's Chinese, she wasn't raised to know HOW ) but she told me pretty good how it is tonite. These last two months have been very, very bad. And I agree with her. But I didn't want this break. I wanted to endure the hell, because this year was a sacrifice for the relationship as a whole. I knew it would be very hard (I had no idea it'd be this hard!!) but I'm willing to go through with this year of hell because the payoff is what I'm looking for. Hopefully she will go to U of I as well and then if she does we're guaranteed for life. But anway, she said she's almost been depressed, she gets no sleep, she is dropping grades in school and has major family issues-- on top of that she has to deal with the stress of a relationship. She said she wanted time off to get her life back together. Some of you may feel sympathy for her, but let me tell you how I feel. Tough shit. No one gives married couples a "break" or "time off" from being MARRIED! The real world doesn't allow for any less stress. This break goes against all of my beliefs in relationships. I feel you either commit entirely to the relationship or you get out of it. There's no room for half assing. That's why this is so hard for me. I am sorry she's having a rough time. But you know what, who doesn't experience strife in their life! People manage stress with relationships all the time and there's nothing they can do about it but DEAL with it. Well, I'm ready to deal with it. I was GOING to deal with it. Endure the pain because Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks and I'll be home and then Summer Break just over a month from then! And then hopefully we will never be apart, if she goes to U of I! I feel it is just a VERY selfish decision on her part. No I don't want her life to be hard, harder than it should be. But I don't want my family members getting cancer either, but I have no control. Relationships (especially long distance relationships) are freaking tough! Get kneepads, wristguards if you can't handle it. The only reason why I allowed this, is because I made her promise that she'll come back to me and she will continue loving me through this whole "break." But it's not like she hasn't broken promises or unintentionally lied to me before. Heck, her communication skills are in the negative numbers sometimes. Talk is cheap. This is just security reinforcement but as always, some security doesn't work regardless. I don't have good feelings about this, at all. So I'm going to finally do some weed, since she didn't let me before. Weird way to end this post? Hardly, horrible way to start what I see, the beginning of the end.

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