To vacation or not to vacation?

John Adams · 08-20-2006, 10:04 PM

Here is the problem and I need some opinions.

I have not had a “real” vacation in over seven years. A real vacation to me is getting off into the middle of nowhere with my MTB, Backpack and canoe for a couple of weeks. I would usually do a short 80 to 100 mile hike with other days lounging around the campsite with little jaunts on the lake and short MTB rides. Schedule dictated by how I felt that day. Since my kids were born I have not gone on that type of trip. We go away each year to visit my wife’s family (she is from another country) but it isn’t what I would call a vacation. I just had major surgery a few months ago and was dealing with the possibility that I could be dead by now (without it I would be dead). It’s always nice when the doctor tells you to make sure your will is up to date and that you have a durable power of attorney and living will. I am really starting to feel burned out at this point and almost desperate to get away.

The real problem here is if I go away by myself the kids will miss me and I will miss them. I really enjoy being with my kids and playing with them. I know my wife would have no problem if I tell her I need to go away for a few days she would probably even encourage it since she knows how much I enjoy my trips. I just feel so guilty going away without the kids. Am I being self centered if I take off? What type of message am I sending to my kids if I take off for a few days. Then of course there is the whole financial part of the trip. Most of my gear needs to be replaced. I do make a good income but my wife is a stay at home mom and I always feel guilty when I spend money on myself. Oddly I have no problem spending money on the wife and kids and probably spoil them a bit.

So anyway, what do you think – To vacation or not to vacation?

breakingnews · 08-20-2006, 10:45 PM

I don't have kids (nor a wife), so I can't really give you much advice. But you sound much like my brother, who's been complaining recently how he feels so restricted by his new daughter and the whole domestic lifestyle.

I think that's just the reality of the situation. If your wife is cool with you taking a weekend or weeklong jaunt on your own, go for it. But personally I'd try and get your whole family involved. Yeah, visiting relatives can easily be not much of a vacation, or one at all. Would your kids/wife be willing to do a weekend camping trip? Or ease them into it by staying at a motel or lodge and doing day hikes? I think you may find it's possible (and even enjoyable!) to do the trip as a family. You get your outdoor exposure and spend time with your kids; it would also open up many options to do bigger/longer journeys in the future.

My bro and his wife are both cyclists - on vacation they take turns babysitting and go on solo rides. When feasible, I did my best to tag along for a few days and sometimes babysit so they could ride together. I dunno, just an idea.

John Adams · 08-20-2006, 10:56 PM

Thanks for the response breakingnews

Actually we have already done several camping trips together. My wife can deal with it even if she doesn't really enjoy it. My kids love it. My wife enjoys going for day hikes also and we have arranged a 3 day trip to explore some new trails in October. I have arranged my work schedule to maximize my time with them as well. My seven year old loves to go MTB'ing with me and he is really good. I pick the four year old up from school every Friday (he goes three days a week for 3.5 hours per day) and we go out for lunch and then wherever he would like afterwards. Every Saturday I take them out someplace (the wife too but not always). We do plenty of hiking, biking or some other activity. The kids love the canoe also. They are really great. That is probably part of the reason I feel so guilty for wanting to take off by myself.

It's hard to explain but I feel almost like I am at the end of my rope so to speak. The past year has been very stressful and I just have not been able to get rid of it. I feel if I could just do this trip it would remove the stress but then I feel stressed just planing the trip. What if I don't come back? what if something happens? I guess I have become too aware of my own mortaility.

footfootfoot · 08-20-2006, 11:37 PM

How old are the kids? I know it is hard to spend time away from them. You asked what kind of message you might be giving them if you were to take a few days off. You could think of it as modelling for them how an adult needs to take care of himself. How else will they learn that, if not from you?

I struggle with not wanting to live out that morose Harry Chapin song every time I have to tell my son I can't play trucks because I have to go to work. He is now playing "work" and telling people he is working at such and such a jobsite.

Anyway, depending on their ages, they can take it a lot of ways, but ultimately, you are doing it for your mental and physical health, it's not like you are leaving for a month, and I forgot the third thing.

Aliantha · 08-21-2006, 12:23 AM

I agree with foot. I

Aliantha · 08-21-2006, 12:25 AM

bugger...pressed the wrong button.

Anyway...

If you make yourself out to be a superman, you're teaching your kids that you don't need time out, and that's just not true. Everyone needs it now and then. Teach them that everyone has limits and that it's ok to take care of yourself now and then.

I believe ultimately you'll be doing them a favour.

breakingnews · 08-21-2006, 01:34 AM

Clearly it's impossible to say how this will affect your kids/wife down the line. Yourself as well.

But if you need the time to get your own self in line, I say go for it. (Knowing myself, I personally wouldn't go, but I understand why you'd need to do it, especially after the past year.)

limey · 08-21-2006, 08:04 AM

If you're feeling stressed out your kids will know, even if (especially if) you're making big efforts to be nice as pie to them.
Go away. Take a break. Come back refreshed. You're not being selfish by doing this, when your kids and your wife will definitely feel the benefit.

glatt · 08-21-2006, 10:53 AM

Take care of yourself. You kids deserve a Dad who is happy. Go on the vacation. You are way overdue.

They will miss you, but they will be fine.

Griff · 08-22-2006, 11:58 AM

We had a family plan to send the girls and mom to Disneyville with their Grandma, it being known that a chill would run through hell if I passed through the gates. It fell through since we decided to do Costa Rica as a family, but could you come up with something similar? Something Mom and kids would be extremely into as a trade off. Ya gotta be real with your kids, they know you love them but you sometimes need space.

08-20-2006, 10:04 PM	#1
John Adams Founder of Freedom Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 58	To vacation or not to vacation? Here is the problem and I need some opinions. I have not had a “real” vacation in over seven years. A real vacation to me is getting off into the middle of nowhere with my MTB, Backpack and canoe for a couple of weeks. I would usually do a short 80 to 100 mile hike with other days lounging around the campsite with little jaunts on the lake and short MTB rides. Schedule dictated by how I felt that day. Since my kids were born I have not gone on that type of trip. We go away each year to visit my wife’s family (she is from another country) but it isn’t what I would call a vacation. I just had major surgery a few months ago and was dealing with the possibility that I could be dead by now (without it I would be dead). It’s always nice when the doctor tells you to make sure your will is up to date and that you have a durable power of attorney and living will. I am really starting to feel burned out at this point and almost desperate to get away. The real problem here is if I go away by myself the kids will miss me and I will miss them. I really enjoy being with my kids and playing with them. I know my wife would have no problem if I tell her I need to go away for a few days she would probably even encourage it since she knows how much I enjoy my trips. I just feel so guilty going away without the kids. Am I being self centered if I take off? What type of message am I sending to my kids if I take off for a few days. Then of course there is the whole financial part of the trip. Most of my gear needs to be replaced. I do make a good income but my wife is a stay at home mom and I always feel guilty when I spend money on myself. Oddly I have no problem spending money on the wife and kids and probably spoil them a bit. So anyway, what do you think – To vacation or not to vacation?

08-20-2006, 10:45 PM	#2
breakingnews Q_Q Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere in between Posts: 995	I don't have kids (nor a wife), so I can't really give you much advice. But you sound much like my brother, who's been complaining recently how he feels so restricted by his new daughter and the whole domestic lifestyle. I think that's just the reality of the situation. If your wife is cool with you taking a weekend or weeklong jaunt on your own, go for it. But personally I'd try and get your whole family involved. Yeah, visiting relatives can easily be not much of a vacation, or one at all. Would your kids/wife be willing to do a weekend camping trip? Or ease them into it by staying at a motel or lodge and doing day hikes? I think you may find it's possible (and even enjoyable!) to do the trip as a family. You get your outdoor exposure and spend time with your kids; it would also open up many options to do bigger/longer journeys in the future. My bro and his wife are both cyclists - on vacation they take turns babysitting and go on solo rides. When feasible, I did my best to tag along for a few days and sometimes babysit so they could ride together. I dunno, just an idea. __________________ Gone crazy, be back never.

08-20-2006, 10:56 PM	#3
John Adams Founder of Freedom Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 58	Thanks for the response breakingnews Actually we have already done several camping trips together. My wife can deal with it even if she doesn't really enjoy it. My kids love it. My wife enjoys going for day hikes also and we have arranged a 3 day trip to explore some new trails in October. I have arranged my work schedule to maximize my time with them as well. My seven year old loves to go MTB'ing with me and he is really good. I pick the four year old up from school every Friday (he goes three days a week for 3.5 hours per day) and we go out for lunch and then wherever he would like afterwards. Every Saturday I take them out someplace (the wife too but not always). We do plenty of hiking, biking or some other activity. The kids love the canoe also. They are really great. That is probably part of the reason I feel so guilty for wanting to take off by myself. It's hard to explain but I feel almost like I am at the end of my rope so to speak. The past year has been very stressful and I just have not been able to get rid of it. I feel if I could just do this trip it would remove the stress but then I feel stressed just planing the trip. What if I don't come back? what if something happens? I guess I have become too aware of my own mortaility. Last edited by John Adams; 08-20-2006 at 10:59 PM.

08-20-2006, 11:37 PM	#4
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	How old are the kids? I know it is hard to spend time away from them. You asked what kind of message you might be giving them if you were to take a few days off. You could think of it as modelling for them how an adult needs to take care of himself. How else will they learn that, if not from you? I struggle with not wanting to live out that morose Harry Chapin song every time I have to tell my son I can't play trucks because I have to go to work. He is now playing "work" and telling people he is working at such and such a jobsite. Anyway, depending on their ages, they can take it a lot of ways, but ultimately, you are doing it for your mental and physical health, it's not like you are leaving for a month, and I forgot the third thing. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

08-21-2006, 12:23 AM	#5
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I agree with foot. I __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-21-2006, 12:25 AM	#6
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	bugger...pressed the wrong button. Anyway... If you make yourself out to be a superman, you're teaching your kids that you don't need time out, and that's just not true. Everyone needs it now and then. Teach them that everyone has limits and that it's ok to take care of yourself now and then. I believe ultimately you'll be doing them a favour. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-21-2006, 01:34 AM	#7
breakingnews Q_Q Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere in between Posts: 995	Clearly it's impossible to say how this will affect your kids/wife down the line. Yourself as well. But if you need the time to get your own self in line, I say go for it. (Knowing myself, I personally wouldn't go, but I understand why you'd need to do it, especially after the past year.) __________________ Gone crazy, be back never.

08-21-2006, 08:04 AM	#8
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	If you're feeling stressed out your kids will know, even if (especially if) you're making big efforts to be nice as pie to them. Go away. Take a break. Come back refreshed. You're not being selfish by doing this, when your kids and your wife will definitely feel the benefit. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

08-21-2006, 10:53 AM	#9
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Take care of yourself. You kids deserve a Dad who is happy. Go on the vacation. You are way overdue. They will miss you, but they will be fine.

08-22-2006, 11:58 AM	#10
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	We had a family plan to send the girls and mom to Disneyville with their Grandma, it being known that a chill would run through hell if I passed through the gates. It fell through since we decided to do Costa Rica as a family, but could you come up with something similar? Something Mom and kids would be extremely into as a trade off. Ya gotta be real with your kids, they know you love them but you sometimes need space. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

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