Stolen and Posted Without Comment

Elspode · 03-19-2004, 11:29 PM

If we really want to stop terrorism, we have to get Muslim men laid.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Bill Maher

March 20, 2004 | Five British Muslims who were recently sent home from our prison at Guantánamo charge that their American captors brought in prostitutes to taunt them, because most had never even seen a naked woman before. It made me wonder how many members of al-Qaida have ever even dated a girl. We should hire women to infiltrate al-Qaida cells, and fuck them.

Things would change quickly. Because young Muslim men don't really hate America, they're jealous of America. We have rap videos, the Hilton sisters and magazines with titles like "Barely Legal." You know what's barely legal in Afghanistan? Everything.

Young men need sex, and if they don't get it for month after month after month, they wind up cursing the day they ever decided to go to Cornell.

Have you ever wondered why the word from the Arab street is so angry? It's because it's a bunch of guys standing in the street! Which is what guys do when they don't have girlfriends, or aren't allowed to even talk to a girl -- of course they want to commit suicide. Unlike this country, where it's the married guys who wanna kill themselves.

But here, we always have hope. You can at least talk to a girl, and one might be crazy enough to go for you. Or you could get rich, and buy one, like folks do where I live in Beverly Hills.

The connection between no sex and anger is real: It's why prizefighters stay celibate when they're in training, so that on fight night they're pissed off and ready to kill. It's why football players don't have sex after Wednesday. And, conversely, it's why Bill Clinton never started a war.

So to paraphrase the sign in his old war room: It's the pussy, stupid. We need the Coalition of the Willing to be reallywilling. We need to mobilize two divisions of skanks, a regiment of ho's, and a brigade of girls who just can't say no. All under the command of Col. Ann Coulter, who'll be dressed in her "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." uniform.

Forget the Peace Corps, we need a piece-of-ass-corps. Girls, there's a cure to terrorism, and you're sitting on it.

blue · 03-19-2004, 11:38 PM

Interesting but...

...I'm pretty sure there is such a thing as evil in this world, and I'm pretty sure that young men who believe that any and all innocents that don't see their point of view have to be killed in the name of Allah......

Where in the hell am I going with this? Oh, Evil...yeah right...Nope, they don't need to get laid, they need to be exterminated.

Troubleshooter · 03-19-2004, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by blue58
Interesting but...

...I'm pretty sure there is such a thing as evil in this world, and I'm pretty sure that young men who believe that any and all innocents that don't see their point of view have to be killed in the name of Allah......

Where in the hell am I going with this? Oh, Evil...yeah right...Nope, they don't need to get laid, they need to be exterminated.

It's certainly more cost effective in the long run.

Elspode · 03-19-2004, 11:42 PM

But the whole point is that getting laid will cure evil, too, right?

Troubleshooter · 03-19-2004, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
But the whole point is that getting laid will cure evil, too, right?

Nope. Getting laid is evil. Damn, didn't you read the manual?

blue · 03-19-2004, 11:45 PM

I dunno...it worked for me. And Elspode you should be getting busy refuting my critique of your CD....boy I boned one track up but good!

Elspode · 03-19-2004, 11:47 PM

I have it on good authority that The Manual was mistranslated.

Troubleshooter · 03-19-2004, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
I have it on good authority that The Manual was mistranslated.

Ok smartass, this I gotta hear...

Elspode · 03-19-2004, 11:53 PM

Let's just say that somewhere along the line, a conglomeration of ancient history, mythology and religious ferver managed to somehow transmogrify into divine gospel.

Troubleshooter · 03-19-2004, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
Let's just say that somewhere along the line, a conglomeration of ancient history, mythology and religious ferver managed to somehow transmogrify into divine gospel.

Aw come on man...

I was expecting some truly splendiferous humor not some bit of FACT that we were already aware of.

Elspode · 03-19-2004, 11:58 PM

Naw...I'm too tired to be creative.

Troubleshooter · 03-20-2004, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
Naw...I'm too tired to be creative.

It's only midnight.

Torrere · 03-20-2004, 02:35 AM

Wierd. I had read, several months ago, that the '72 virgins' aspect of Heaven was supposed to be hardly relevant to young Palestinian men, because they didn't have much trouble getting laid.

Skunks · 03-20-2004, 03:00 AM

Does anybody have a proper source or quotation on that 70-odd virgins bit? I'd be interested to read up on it a bit more.

And, taking this thread seriously as I possibly shouldn't, I'd say the #1 solution would be simple education of the West as to what the East (and Islam) is all about. At the very least, it'd make for more reasonable suggestions.

I mean, you may as well say that fundie Christians would do with a good hooker or two, just so they're not molesting young boys all the time.

Come to think of it, maybe it is a good idea.

03-19-2004, 11:38 PM	#2
blue Operations Operative Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Northern WI Posts: 739	Interesting but... ...I'm pretty sure there is such a thing as evil in this world, and I'm pretty sure that young men who believe that any and all innocents that don't see their point of view have to be killed in the name of Allah...... Where in the hell am I going with this? Oh, Evil...yeah right...Nope, they don't need to get laid, they need to be exterminated. __________________ If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado!", and run like hell.

03-19-2004, 11:42 PM	#4
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	But the whole point is that getting laid will cure evil, too, right? __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-19-2004, 11:45 PM	#6
blue Operations Operative Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Northern WI Posts: 739	I dunno...it worked for me. And Elspode you should be getting busy refuting my critique of your CD....boy I boned one track up but good! __________________ If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado!", and run like hell. Last edited by blue; 03-19-2004 at 11:48 PM.

03-19-2004, 11:47 PM	#7
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I have it on good authority that The Manual was mistranslated. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-19-2004, 11:53 PM	#9
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Let's just say that somewhere along the line, a conglomeration of ancient history, mythology and religious ferver managed to somehow transmogrify into divine gospel. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-19-2004, 11:29 PM	#1
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Stolen and Posted Without Comment If we really want to stop terrorism, we have to get Muslim men laid. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Bill Maher March 20, 2004 \| Five British Muslims who were recently sent home from our prison at Guantánamo charge that their American captors brought in prostitutes to taunt them, because most had never even seen a naked woman before. It made me wonder how many members of al-Qaida have ever even dated a girl. We should hire women to infiltrate al-Qaida cells, and fuck them. Things would change quickly. Because young Muslim men don't really hate America, they're jealous of America. We have rap videos, the Hilton sisters and magazines with titles like "Barely Legal." You know what's barely legal in Afghanistan? Everything. Young men need sex, and if they don't get it for month after month after month, they wind up cursing the day they ever decided to go to Cornell. Have you ever wondered why the word from the Arab street is so angry? It's because it's a bunch of guys standing in the street! Which is what guys do when they don't have girlfriends, or aren't allowed to even talk to a girl -- of course they want to commit suicide. Unlike this country, where it's the married guys who wanna kill themselves. But here, we always have hope. You can at least talk to a girl, and one might be crazy enough to go for you. Or you could get rich, and buy one, like folks do where I live in Beverly Hills. The connection between no sex and anger is real: It's why prizefighters stay celibate when they're in training, so that on fight night they're pissed off and ready to kill. It's why football players don't have sex after Wednesday. And, conversely, it's why Bill Clinton never started a war. So to paraphrase the sign in his old war room: It's the pussy, stupid. We need the Coalition of the Willing to be reallywilling. We need to mobilize two divisions of skanks, a regiment of ho's, and a brigade of girls who just can't say no. All under the command of Col. Ann Coulter, who'll be dressed in her "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." uniform. Forget the Peace Corps, we need a piece-of-ass-corps. Girls, there's a cure to terrorism, and you're sitting on it. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-19-2004, 11:58 PM	#11
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Naw...I'm too tired to be creative. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-20-2004, 02:35 AM	#13
Torrere a real smartass Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Kirkland, WA Posts: 1,121	Wierd. I had read, several months ago, that the '72 virgins' aspect of Heaven was supposed to be hardly relevant to young Palestinian men, because they didn't have much trouble getting laid.

03-20-2004, 03:00 AM	#14
Skunks I thought I changed this. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: western nowhere, ny Posts: 412	Does anybody have a proper source or quotation on that 70-odd virgins bit? I'd be interested to read up on it a bit more. And, taking this thread seriously as I possibly shouldn't, I'd say the #1 solution would be simple education of the West as to what the East (and Islam) is all about. At the very least, it'd make for more reasonable suggestions. I mean, you may as well say that fundie Christians would do with a good hooker or two, just so they're not molesting young boys all the time. Come to think of it, maybe it is a good idea.

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