Wedding day coming up...

[hot_pastrami]

Well, I'm getting married three weeks from this Friday, less than a month from now. I'm so mellow about it that it's scary... I figured I'd be a wreck at this stage. Surprisingly, things are pretty much under control at present... I made a big to-do list and we're getting through everything at the rate that we need to, doing pretty much everything ourselves. We made our own inviations and everything.

I knew in advance from having many friends get married that seemingly without exception, somebody, a friend or family member, is going to be a problem. They'll get all upset about stupid things and burn a few ulcers in the stomach linings of the bride and groom. The surpise for me was when the pains-in-the-ass turned out to be my parents. They've always been great and supportive about things my whole life, but lately they've been difficult and unreasonable. Maybe they don't care for the woman I've chosen to marry (which is hard to beleive, she's wonderful), but frankly I don't care if they don't like her. I want support, not approval, damnit. It's very telling that they're being selfish and nasty at a time when I most need them to be supportive.

I think Britt and I are doing a lot of things right with this wedding, though. We have both learned much through the amazing power of counter-example. We're getting married Friday the 22nd at a small, close-family-and-friends-only ceremony in Vegas, then we have a dinner at a restaurant with the whole group. Then the next day we fly out to go honeymooning for a week, then we return and have the wedding reception a few days later at our (very roomy) house. Helps spread things out to reduce stress a little.

Unfortunately our parents don't have a lot of money, so I'm basically paying for everything. Oh well, that's what credit cards are for, right? Heheh. Hopefully my old house will sell soon, there's been a lot of interest in it llately.

Incidentally, anyone who wants to make the trek to Utah is welcome at our reception! (awkward silence). (cough).

Yeah.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Congratulations, man.....and woman.

They'll get all upset about stupid things and burn a few ulcers in the stomach linings of the bride and groom.

Only if you let them. Remember it's mind over matter, If you don't mind, it don't matter. Just regard them as entertainment, because you and Britt are doing what you want and the rest is bullshit.
BTW, You forgot to give us the time, date and location of the reception.

[Dagney]

I'm sure you're counting the days till your "Big Day". It's a lot of work, but in the long run it's very worth it.

I can understand completely the heartache that family causes, as we're dealing with a bit of it ourselves lately. The only thing that I can tell you is that as long as you and your intended are happy, then things are good.

That's what we're striving for anyway!

Mazel Tov!

**tossing of the cyber rice**

Dagney

[hot_pastrami]

Thanks!

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Remember it's mind over matter, If you don't mind, it don't matter. Just regard them as entertainment, because you and Britt are doing what you want and the rest is bullshit.

I wish it were so easy. The problem is that my parents don't want their parents (my grandparents) to come to the wedding. Brittany's grandparents are coming, but my parents don't want to have to babysit their folks for a weekend in Vegas. They are adamant about this, and don't want me to invite my grandaparents at all. So, I can piss off my parents and just invite the grandparents, or, I can fail to invite the grandparents, and have bad blood with them, especially if they find out Britt's grandparents were there. So whatever I do, somebody close to me is going to be very upset at us.

What I ended up doing was giving my grandparents' invitations to my parents. If I get a call from grandma asking where her invite is, I'll tell her "Oh, I gave that to my dad to give to you, didn't he? Better ask him about it." Then, he's the bad guy. I told my parents this is what I'd say, so we'll see what happens now that they will be the target of anger and hard feelings from grandparents instead of me.

Originally posted by Dagney
The only thing that I can tell you is that as long as you and your intended are happy, then things are good.

Yeah, in the end, all I really care about is that Britt and I are happy. If somebody is too nasty and self-absorbed to be happy for us, fuck 'em. We don't need them. But it would be nice to resolve things in such a way that no one is too upset. Blah.

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
BTW, You forgot to give us the time, date and location of the reception.

It's in a city called Pleasant Grove, UT, about 30 minutes south of Salt Lake City. The day is September 6th, time is 7:00pm. We're going to have a grill going, and drinks on ice. I know that I'm probably the only Cellarite in this vicinity though, so I suspect none of you fine people will be able to join us. But if anyone really wants the actual address of the event, just PM me.

Thanks for the congrats, guys. I am very excited about this.

[warch]

Brilliant move with the invites! Give the burden of non-invite to your parents. Congratulations and remember to have a great time. I went to a terrific wedding a couple of weeks ago. The couple have been together for like 7 years, living together for the last 5. It was personal, low key, and you could see that they were relaxed and enjoying the moment. Their joy was infectious. I wish you a beautiful wedding full of love and humor for sailing over any bumps.

[99 44/100% pure]

Hmmm . . . I think I would have gone ahead and invited the grandparents -- it's hot_pastrami and his bride's wedding day, not his parents' vacation, even if they'd like it to be. Regardless of who's footing the bill (and it sounds like the bride and groom are), the couple get to decide who'll be there, or, at the very least, who is invited.

Hope the parents don't have this much say over other aspects of this marriage, like how many kids to have, and when.

Best wishes, h_p, to you and your intended, and good luck with the parents!

[hot_pastrami]

Originally posted by 99 44/100% pure
Hmmm . . . I think I would have gone ahead and invited the grandparents -- it's hot_pastrami and his bride's wedding day, not his parents' vacation, even if they'd like it to be. Regardless of who's footing the bill (and it sounds like the bride and groom are), the couple get to decide who'll be there, or, at the very least, who is invited.

Like I said, if somebody (in this case my parents) want to be too nasty and self-absorbed to be happy for us, fuck 'em with a capital Fuck. It's just a real eye-opener to see what they're like under the circumsances. They haven't been asked for a dime, and they haven't helped in the planning or anything. They're just peppering us with petty bullshit based on what they want. Frankly, my plan is that if they don't ease up on it, I'll just suggest that they don't come. That will either piss them off royally, or make them realize they're being assholes about unimportant stuff during what's supposed to be the happiest time in my life. Either way at least they'd be out of my hair.

Originally posted by 99 44/100% pure
Hope the parents don't have this much say over other aspects of this marriage, like how many kids to have, and when.

Absolutely not. I respect their feelings to a degree, but they have zero say-so in important matters, and only marginal consideration in everything else. I am sickened by people who allow themselves to be coerced or bullied by parents to that degree. They are still my parents, and I respect their opinions, but damned if I'll let them run my life. This is indicated by the fact that me and my wife-to-be have been living together despite my mother urging to the contrary when we first moved in to the new place. It's our life to live, despite what she thinks we ought to do.

We almost eloped a couple months ago, but Britt was too worried that her mother would feel hurt... which I understand, Britt is an only child and her mom was a single mother, so the two of them had only each other for like fifteen years of their lives. But the ugliness surfacing now makes me wish we'd just done it then, and not have to deal with family issues. Oh well, such is life.

I think the wedding will be cool though... we have a pretty nice little chapel reserved, and it'll be low-key and straightforward. I'm excited.

[Griff]

Good luck man. You've already done the main thing right. The marriage is about you and Britt nothing should interfere. Make it your job to make her happy and you two will be blessed.

[perth]

congratulations, pastrami.

hey, i obviously dont know anything about your relationship with your parents or grandparents, but ive been thinking about it, and i think that having your parents be responsible for the grandparents invitation might be something you grow to regret later. based only on what i know from this thread, it sounds like your parents are being remarkably childish and selfish. it is your time, and you have a right to invite whomever you like.

i guess all im saying is that if it were me, i would send the invitations to my grandparents myself. then, tell my parents i did so, and then let them decide whether they want to miss out on my marriage or grow up and be a part of it.

again, i dont really know. a lot of that is speculation based on my familys relationships.

~james

[hot_pastrami]

Originally posted by perth
i guess all im saying is that if it were me, i would send the invitations to my grandparents myself. then, tell my parents i did so, and then let them decide whether they want to miss out on my marriage or grow up and be a part of it.

again, i dont really know. a lot of that is speculation based on my familys relationships.

Well, I am approaching the situation cautiously because this is atypical behavior from my parents. Usually they are laid back and understanding, so I suspect there may be something else precipitating the problem, therefore I'm being careful in case there's a landmine waiting to be stepped on.

My mother sent me an e-mail about it earlier today, and I offered a hypothetical situation... I asked her to imagine that in the future, when Britt and I have a kid who is getting married, that the kid wants to invite her to the wedding, but I take action to prevent them from inviting her. I asked her if she thought that would be selfish of me and/or out of line. We'll see what she says. Ideally, my parents will realize they're being asses and just make the small sacrifice of taking care of my grandparents for a day.

Details aside, the plain truth of it is that though I love and respect my parents, I'm marrying the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with... and if my parents have any problem with that, they can just deal with it, or they can stop being a part of my life. I think that's the way it should be, and if I felt otherwise, then I'd have to re-examine my choices.

I appreciate the advice and well-wishing though. Thanks guys!

[perth]

Originally posted by hot_pastrami
My mother sent me an e-mail about it earlier today, and I offered a hypothetical situation... I asked her to imagine that in the future, when Britt and I have a kid who is getting married, that the kid wants to invite her to the wedding, but I take action to prevent them from inviting her. I asked her if she thought that would be selfish of me and/or out of line. We'll see what she says.

excellent tactic. i applaud you.

I'm marrying the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with...

and that is the most important thing. there truly is nothing better than being with your best friend for the rest of your life. i wouldnt trade it for anything.

~james

[xoxoxoBruce]

You are going to have Elvis marry you two, aren't you?

[hot_pastrami]

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
You are going to have Elvis marry you two, aren't you?

We were going to have an all-Elvis wedding, but Britt looks pretty ridiculous in prosthetic sideburns. It's too bad too, because I have this ultra-spiffy white Elvis sequin jumpsuit that is just begging for a special occasion, such as a wedding, to class up a little bit. So instead we're going to Big Stan's Big Happy Drive-Thru Wedding Chapel and BBQ Pit. Big Stan steps away from the grill, leans out the window, and the wedding goes something like this:

Big Stan: "Do you?"
Groom: "Yes."
Big Stan: "Do you?"
Bride: "Yes."
Stan: "Good, you're married, kiss her. And here's some pre-filled divorce papers for your convenience, just sign them and date them when needed."

Then Stan tells us about the day's special (Baby back BBQ ribs dipped in rich creamery butter) and lobs a rice granade and some wet-naps into the car as we drive away. Bada bing.

Cough.

Haven't heard back from the folks yet on the latest, so who knows. One really cool thing though is that I think I have my old house sold... that'll be a financial relief. And it'll be perfect if it works out... my friend who has been living at my old house will be closing on his new place next week, and the new people want to move in ASAP. Plus, the money for the down payment will help greatly since I spent so much on honeymoon tickets and such. If it happens, the timing will be about as perfect as it gets.

[BrianR]

If you can wait until January 24th...I will fly myself and Dagney out and we can do a double wedding!

But don't tell HER, it'll be a surprise!

hehe

Brian

[hot_pastrami]

Originally posted by BrianR
If you can wait until January 24th...I will fly myself and Dagney out and we can do a double wedding!

Dude, um, I don't think four-ways are legal, even in Vegas. Oh damn, you just meant just two weddings at the same time and place... heheh... I knew that.. heh... (cough).

Well you know, I would do that, but the invitations are out and the reservations are made. I've even paid for the honeymoon... we're going on a Carribean cruise on a Royal Carribean line. It's what she wanted to do. We managed to get a nice balcony stateroom for a good deal, too. Knowing a travel agent is a good thing sometimes.

And all three weeks from tomorrow. Nutty.