The Job Hunting Trenches

elSicomoro · 08-05-2002, 09:11 PM

This is along the lines of my "E-mail Idiots on Parade" thread. I go through several job sites almost every day, and sometimes, I come across job postings that are funny, stupid, or interesting. Feel free to post your own.

This company seems to be desperately trying to get people to move here:

"Major social service agency, serving the elderly, seeks an individual who will be responsible for the administrative and clinical supervision of assessment workers and clerical support staff.

We are located near the heart of Philadelphia 3/4 miles from City Hall. Philadelphia offers the best of urban and suburban living within city limits and our suburbs. With two rivers, several streams, and the largest inner-city park in the nation, Philadelphia offers activities ranging from mountain biking, inline skating, to watching cloud formations from our Belmont Plateau. Philadelphia also offers a wide array of cultural activities including fine dining, concerts, museums, and theaters. If you are a beach person, we have the Jersey Shore, and the Poconos for our skiing friends within driving distance."

MaggieL · 08-06-2002, 09:00 AM

My favorites are the feeble attempt to reduce the number of resumes to be reviewed by insisting on 18 pieces of software an applicant must have expereience with, including version numbers. Bonus points are awarded for mispelling the names of the software, or insisting on five years of expereince in a technology that has only existed for three years.

08-06-2002, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MaggieL
Bonus points are awarded for mispelling the names of the software, or insisting on five years of expereince in a technology that has only existed for three years.

I remember one of these from a job listing I saw a few years ago - perhaps in 1998 or so.

The requirement was for "8 years experience with Java programming".

Now, I'm "new" to this kind of stuff in the sense that I've only really been into modern computers since 1995. But even I remember when Java was announced - in 1995. In mid 1995, if I recall correctly. So how the hell was anyone supposed to have 8 years Java experience?

Hooray for morons.

elSicomoro · 08-06-2002, 09:29 AM

Right before I moved to DC in '99, there was a social services agency here in Philadelphia that was trying to recruit me. My response to them at the time: "Unfortunately, I have absolutely no desire to move to Philadelphia."

Whoops.

headsplice · 08-06-2002, 10:01 AM

the best part of an interview is finding out that you're smarter (or just know more) than the person who's interviewing you. At my student job (admittedly, not the most technically demanding) the guy who interviewed me, and is one (of FOUR!) of my bosses is an absolute bonehead. He's nice enough, but doesn't know doodely about 'puters (or networking, or social skills).

elSicomoro · 08-06-2002, 10:52 AM

Right after I graduated from college in January '99, I went for an interview at a local bank in St. Louis. The job market sucked at the time, so I was interviewing for a bank teller position. The interviewer was this 20-something woman...maybe slightly older than me at the time...a complete twit. Then I see her college diploma behind her--it's from the exact same school with the exact same degree in the exact same field as mine. The difference--mine said Magna Cum Laude, hers didn't.

Granted, I don't know her background or anything like that, so it's not really fair for me to say too much. But her interview skills sucked to high heaven...and that's a huge part of doing HR. In fact, the only HR folks I've met that seem to really know their stuff are older folks (30+). The younger folks (my age and younger) just don't seem to have it together (including that bitch at my last job). Hopefully, they will get better with time. At the same time, I hope I'm just stumbling across the stoopid ones, and that they're not all like that.

SteveDallas · 08-06-2002, 12:10 PM

During an early 90s job hunt, I saw an ad for a position to do phone & in-person support for email and WordPerfect. They expected a BS in Computer Science. This kind of entry-level helpdesk thing was what I was looking for, so I sent them my resume and tried to suggest that maybe a computer science degree wasn't the only background that might prepare somebody for a job like that. Didn't work.

Once when I was on the other end of the process, we got a resume with a cover letter that went something like this: "... I have enclosed my one-page resume... I have a great deal of experience with , as you can see from my one-page resume.... my one-page resume details my background in ..... if you have any questions about my one-page resume... " I wish I'd saved a copy of it!!

elSicomoro · 08-06-2002, 12:48 PM

The days of the one-page resume are dead, IMO. With the way people bounce from job-to-job so easily today (myself included), you may have a lot of different jobs to put down. Though your time with a company may be short, the experience you've earned may be no less significant than a job you held for 5 years. I've had 10 jobs total, and 8 of them are worthy enough to me to put on a resume...my resume now checks in at just under 2 pages. If I tried to put my resume on one page, it would only cover the past year of work I've done, which simply doesn't represent all that I can offer an employer.

Resume length depends on the person, it seems. I've had a couple of HR reps tell me that more than one page is great. And I've heard others warn of going past one page. If folks don't like my resume, they can toss it out. As far as I'm concerned, it looks sharp, it's to the point, and it represents a great deal of experience. You don't like it? *shrugs* My feelings won't be hurt.

The thing that seems to be hurting me right now in the social work field is that many places stipulate that you must own a car and have a drivers license. I have both, but I'm not about to sacrifice my little car driving it all over town. Maybe if I had a nice new car, I might consider it. But until then...

08-06-2002, 01:04 PM

Right to the point, another problem these days is being "heavy". Employers look at you and, at least subconsciously, make a connection to slovenly and lazy. Thinner and more attractive people get jobs over more heavy-set and/or less attractive people every day. Sad but true.

elSicomoro · 08-06-2002, 06:08 PM

Of course, we still have employers that look down at minorities, women, foreigners, etc. as well.

File this one under "You poor sucker."

Your Key to the Future!!!
Can you key 7000 kph or more (alpha and numeric). Well if the answer is yes, then what are you waiting for pick up the phone and call us, send us an email or fax your resume immediately.

Well, that sounds right up my alley. I should send my resume right away, right?

No...here's why:

--It's from my old temp agency.

--They offered me this job about 3 weeks ago.

--It pays $9 per hour. Whoopeefuckingdoo. They wouldn't negotiate with me on it.

--There is no way in hell I am going out to Horsham (45 minutes away) for a piddly $9 an hour. Do I have "moron" written on my forehead? Let's see if that number can jump up, and we'll talk, mmmkay?

I guess it's fine and all for the right person, but...*thumbs his nose at it*

elSicomoro · 08-06-2002, 07:11 PM

The salary says it all.

Non-profit Behavioral Health Facility in NE Phila. has an excellent opportunity for someone.
has knowledge of program eval., CQI & managed care procedures related to the BH/MR field. Excellent writing, analytical & computeer skills required. BA in Human Services or related field.
Salary - $25,779 - $9,999,999 per year

elSicomoro · 08-06-2002, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sycamore on 8/6/2002
The thing that seems to be hurting me right now in the social work field is that many places stipulate that you must own a car and have a drivers license. I have both, but I'm not about to sacrifice my little car driving it all over town. Maybe if I had a nice new car, I might consider it. But until then...

See what I mean!

All positions require a BA in Human Services. Case Mgm't positions require a valid driver's license & personal auto.

No...FUCK YOU! You want me to drive to Kensington or Logan or West Philadelphia? Provide me with a car YOU own, you cheap bastards! Buy a Kia for crying out loud!

russotto · 08-07-2002, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sycamore
The salary says it all.

(so I snipped everything else -- MTR)

Salary - $25,779 - $9,999,999 per year[/i]

Yeah, and you know it's closer to $25,779 than to $9,999,999 -- or than to $27,000, for that matter.

They offer salaries commensurate with a high school diploma and expect college-educated skilled professionals to jump at it? No wonder they're looking for people.

(hmm.. $25,779 minus taxes minus rent and food... think you could moonlight at Wawa?)

MaggieL · 08-07-2002, 03:26 PM

See, now a ConpSci grad could tell you that

$25,779 - $9,999,999 = -$9,974,220

If you can afford to pay north of nine mil for the privilege of doing this job, you certainly should be able to provide your own car. :-)

Actually, I think I may know of the outfit that's posting this job; it sounds familar because a friend of mine used to work for these guys. They get federal money for sending people with minimal social science credentials to go evaluate and teach learning disabled kids in impoverished households at home.

Basically you drive a circuit and hang out a couple of hours each week with these kids, then write up a report on every visit explaining how much better the kid is doing with the federally-funded attention they're getting.

You need "computeer skills" (evidently not including spell check) because they have no IT support at all...at least they didn't a few years ago. I've seen them advertise for a help-desk level person but I doubt they ever got anybody.

My friend isn't doing the job anymore. She drank herself to death.

elSicomoro · 08-07-2002, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MaggieL
Actually, I think I may know of the outfit that's posting this job; it sounds familar because a friend of mine used to work for these guys. They get federal money for sending people with minimal social science credentials to go evaluate and teach learning disabled kids in impoverished households at home.

Hey now...I've got a ton of social science credits.

I think this one dealt with mentally ill adults. But I have seen ones similar to what you have described, Maggie. I couldn't do what was described above. Though I would like to work with refugees and immigrants, I primarily go by gut instinct when perusing the social work want ads: Is it something that could work for me? What are the possible limitations and bureaucratic hoops? Could I be as objective as possible in doing a job like this?

The pay sucks for most social work jobs...no doubt. But I have no problem with making $26K a year if I'm reasonably certain I am going to love the job. Private agencies (with the exception of the Catholics) tend to pay more, but I have not really seen that here in the Philadelphia area.

I took the County Caseworker 1 test for the state in January, and did very well. Montgomery County came calling in March...all I probably would have had to do is play nice in the interview and I would have had the job. I turned it down though...I couldn't justify driving or taking the hi-speedline to Norristown every morning for the salary. Montgomery County has to be one of the richest counties, if not the richest, in the Commonwealth. $26,700? Bullshit.

08-05-2002, 09:11 PM	#1
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	The Job Hunting Trenches This is along the lines of my "E-mail Idiots on Parade" thread. I go through several job sites almost every day, and sometimes, I come across job postings that are funny, stupid, or interesting. Feel free to post your own. This company seems to be desperately trying to get people to move here: "Major social service agency, serving the elderly, seeks an individual who will be responsible for the administrative and clinical supervision of assessment workers and clerical support staff. We are located near the heart of Philadelphia 3/4 miles from City Hall. Philadelphia offers the best of urban and suburban living within city limits and our suburbs. With two rivers, several streams, and the largest inner-city park in the nation, Philadelphia offers activities ranging from mountain biking, inline skating, to watching cloud formations from our Belmont Plateau. Philadelphia also offers a wide array of cultural activities including fine dining, concerts, museums, and theaters. If you are a beach person, we have the Jersey Shore, and the Poconos for our skiing friends within driving distance."

08-06-2002, 09:00 AM	#2
MaggieL in the Hour of Scampering Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Jeffersonville PA (15 mi NW of Philadelphia) Posts: 4,060	My favorites are the feeble attempt to reduce the number of resumes to be reviewed by insisting on 18 pieces of software an applicant must have expereience with, including version numbers. Bonus points are awarded for mispelling the names of the software, or insisting on five years of expereince in a technology that has only existed for three years. __________________ "Neither can his Mind be thought to be in Tune,whose words do jarre; nor his reason In frame, whose sentence is preposterous..." Last edited by MaggieL; 08-06-2002 at 10:42 AM.

08-06-2002, 10:01 AM	#5
headsplice Relaxed Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 676	the best part of an interview is finding out that you're smarter (or just know more) than the person who's interviewing you. At my student job (admittedly, not the most technically demanding) the guy who interviewed me, and is one (of FOUR!) of my bosses is an absolute bonehead. He's nice enough, but doesn't know doodely about 'puters (or networking, or social skills). __________________ Don't Panic

08-07-2002, 03:26 PM	#14
MaggieL in the Hour of Scampering Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Jeffersonville PA (15 mi NW of Philadelphia) Posts: 4,060	See, now a ConpSci grad could tell you that $25,779 - $9,999,999 = -$9,974,220 If you can afford to pay north of nine mil for the privilege of doing this job, you certainly should be able to provide your own car. :-) Actually, I think I may know of the outfit that's posting this job; it sounds familar because a friend of mine used to work for these guys. They get federal money for sending people with minimal social science credentials to go evaluate and teach learning disabled kids in impoverished households at home. Basically you drive a circuit and hang out a couple of hours each week with these kids, then write up a report on every visit explaining how much better the kid is doing with the federally-funded attention they're getting. You need "computeer skills" (evidently not including spell check) because they have no IT support at all...at least they didn't a few years ago. I've seen them advertise for a help-desk level person but I doubt they ever got anybody. My friend isn't doing the job anymore. She drank herself to death. __________________ "Neither can his Mind be thought to be in Tune,whose words do jarre; nor his reason In frame, whose sentence is preposterous..."

08-06-2002, 09:29 AM	#4
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Right before I moved to DC in '99, there was a social services agency here in Philadelphia that was trying to recruit me. My response to them at the time: "Unfortunately, I have absolutely no desire to move to Philadelphia." Whoops.

08-06-2002, 10:52 AM	#6
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Right after I graduated from college in January '99, I went for an interview at a local bank in St. Louis. The job market sucked at the time, so I was interviewing for a bank teller position. The interviewer was this 20-something woman...maybe slightly older than me at the time...a complete twit. Then I see her college diploma behind her--it's from the exact same school with the exact same degree in the exact same field as mine. The difference--mine said Magna Cum Laude, hers didn't. Granted, I don't know her background or anything like that, so it's not really fair for me to say too much. But her interview skills sucked to high heaven...and that's a huge part of doing HR. In fact, the only HR folks I've met that seem to really know their stuff are older folks (30+). The younger folks (my age and younger) just don't seem to have it together (including that bitch at my last job). Hopefully, they will get better with time. At the same time, I hope I'm just stumbling across the stoopid ones, and that they're not all like that.

08-06-2002, 12:10 PM	#7
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	During an early 90s job hunt, I saw an ad for a position to do phone & in-person support for email and WordPerfect. They expected a BS in Computer Science. This kind of entry-level helpdesk thing was what I was looking for, so I sent them my resume and tried to suggest that maybe a computer science degree wasn't the only background that might prepare somebody for a job like that. Didn't work. Once when I was on the other end of the process, we got a resume with a cover letter that went something like this: "... I have enclosed my one-page resume... I have a great deal of experience with , as you can see from my one-page resume.... my one-page resume details my background in ..... if you have any questions about my one-page resume... " I wish I'd saved a copy of it!!

08-06-2002, 12:48 PM	#8
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	The days of the one-page resume are dead, IMO. With the way people bounce from job-to-job so easily today (myself included), you may have a lot of different jobs to put down. Though your time with a company may be short, the experience you've earned may be no less significant than a job you held for 5 years. I've had 10 jobs total, and 8 of them are worthy enough to me to put on a resume...my resume now checks in at just under 2 pages. If I tried to put my resume on one page, it would only cover the past year of work I've done, which simply doesn't represent all that I can offer an employer. Resume length depends on the person, it seems. I've had a couple of HR reps tell me that more than one page is great. And I've heard others warn of going past one page. If folks don't like my resume, they can toss it out. As far as I'm concerned, it looks sharp, it's to the point, and it represents a great deal of experience. You don't like it? shrugs My feelings won't be hurt. The thing that seems to be hurting me right now in the social work field is that many places stipulate that you must own a car and have a drivers license. I have both, but I'm not about to sacrifice my little car driving it all over town. Maybe if I had a nice new car, I might consider it. But until then...

08-06-2002, 01:04 PM	#9
dave Guest Posts: n/a	Right to the point, another problem these days is being "heavy". Employers look at you and, at least subconsciously, make a connection to slovenly and lazy. Thinner and more attractive people get jobs over more heavy-set and/or less attractive people every day. Sad but true.

08-06-2002, 06:08 PM	#10
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Of course, we still have employers that look down at minorities, women, foreigners, etc. as well. File this one under "You poor sucker." Your Key to the Future!!! Can you key 7000 kph or more (alpha and numeric). Well if the answer is yes, then what are you waiting for pick up the phone and call us, send us an email or fax your resume immediately. Well, that sounds right up my alley. I should send my resume right away, right? No...here's why: --It's from my old temp agency. --They offered me this job about 3 weeks ago. --It pays $9 per hour. Whoopeefuckingdoo. They wouldn't negotiate with me on it. --There is no way in hell I am going out to Horsham (45 minutes away) for a piddly $9 an hour. Do I have "moron" written on my forehead? Let's see if that number can jump up, and we'll talk, mmmkay? I guess it's fine and all for the right person, but...thumbs his nose at it

08-06-2002, 07:11 PM	#11
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	The salary says it all. Non-profit Behavioral Health Facility in NE Phila. has an excellent opportunity for someone. has knowledge of program eval., CQI & managed care procedures related to the BH/MR field. Excellent writing, analytical & computeer skills required. BA in Human Services or related field. Salary - $25,779 - $9,999,999 per year

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