Smug Alert!

[Kitsune]

Thaaaaaanks!

"I'm averaging thirty five miles per gallon right now."
"Uh, that's nice."
"This car really cuts down on pollution, lowest emissions in its class! I love it."
"Uh-huh. Wow, say, did you ever notice how much downtown has changed?"
"See? The 'needs gas' light just came on, but the computer says I still have 80 miles left on this tank! Isn't that awesome?"
"Yeah."
"I really wish more people would embrace solar power with all the recent innovations in the technology..."

Shit! I really didn't think it was possible that the South Park stereotype actually existed in the wild, but last night I found myself having to endure a one hour lecture on the wonders of hybrid cars and how the driver was doing more than anyone else on the road around him to save the planet. What would have normally have been a pleasant conversation had turned into an in-depth analysis of the car's fuel computer that was interrupted every five minutes by the in-dash GPS unit reminding us to continue driving forward and not make any turns, lest we be tempted to run the car into the guard rail.

"I thought you knew where you were going?"
"Oh, I do, but I have the address programmed in and the navigation turned on in case there is an accident. Hey, it says I'm getting better mileage now that the engine is only running on three cylinders instead of all six!"

Red lights were treated with great caution: Not too much gas, not a lot of acceleration. Take it slow and keep your eyes on the computer. Lane changes gave the feeling of riding in a semi passing with modest speed, creeping by and catching as much of a wind break as possible. Gotta get the most per gallon, gotta save the world! Why wasn't he driving normally, anymore? This wasn't like him.

On the interstate, the doors were locked, but I still considered throwing myself out of the car to escape as it whisked down the road at seventy miles per hour. Despite being fairly "green", myself, I was annoyed to such extremes that I developed a sudden desire to trade my car in for a steam powered automobile from 1896 just so I could shovel burning coal and throw a thick, black cloud into the atmosphere out of spite. This person, this is my good friend! Six months ago, there was little to no talk at all of CO2 emissions, but I now find myself cornered on a regular basis and branded as a detriment to mankind because I drive a four cylinder car that only gets 32mph on the highway. Working out the math of energy required to produce a new hybrid and sell my current car didn't sway him, either. It seems that saving energy and reducing pollution by continuing to drive my current, six year old car for another 100,000 miles wasn't enough -- I was assured I would be doing everyone a favor by switching right now.

I couldn't believe how different it was, interacting with him. Just like the South Park episode, it was as though he'd taken on a new religion in a mere six months and now has the goal of recruiting as many others as he possibly can. Maybe I really should drive the extra sixteen miles to the Wild Oats store instead of Publix so I can buy environmentally friendly food, fossil fuel emissions be damned! Perhaps I really do need to buy a three bedroom house instead of continuing to live in a one bedroom apartment so that I could affix solar panels to the roof and harness the power of the sun. Maybe I've been wrong all along and being environmentally friendly really is about spending more money and purchasing lots of products designed to help and not about keeping things simple.

Dammit, Honda. I'm not blaming you for this one, but I'm getting really creeped out by what you've helped do to my friend of ten years. Are all you hybrid owners really like this? Why don't you simply own a car to drive instead of making such a big deal out of it? You're making me not want that Prius, anymore!