Aversion to Bedtime?

[Juniper]

Another "How Weird is My Hubby" Thread™

OK. You know how kids never want to go to bed when you tell them to go? It's like, WAAAAAH, but mom, I'm not TIRED! But they really are, and you know it. They're practically falling asleep where they're sitting.

My husband never wants to go to bed or admit that he's tired.

He'll be laying on the couch, totally zonked. Every time I walk by, he does this stretch-and-groan thing, which is meant to indicate "I'm soooo tired, but I'm still awake. Oh no, I just drifted off for a moment, I'm really fine."

I say, "You're tired. Go to bed."

Response: "No, I'm fine. I'm watching this."

"This" could be some infomercial starring the ShamWow guy - but it's apparently fascinating.

And if he does go to bed before I do, he is wearing shoes and glasses and laying on top of the covers, as if he is planning to get up again in just a sec. Oh no, dear, I just laid down to close my eyes for a minute, I'll be right up again.

I don't get it, the apparent guilt about being tired and going to bed. He and I don't keep the same schedules. He gets up and goes to work at 7 in the morning. I get up with the kids starting at 6 and the 2nd one at 8, but then I can go back to sleep till noon if I'm not in school, if I want to. I'm a night owl, he's not. I'm OK with it. If he's tired at 10 p.m., I'd be perfectly happy if he'd just get up and go brush his teeth and get under the covers at 10.

But Noooo....he prefers to blame it on me if he's tired. As if I'm the one keeping him awake. Folks, I'm in the basement, in my office, right here at that time of night. I have nothing to do with his schedule. In fact, if I am tired and go lay down in bed...maybe to read, for example, instead of computer surfing...he's STILL out on the couch.

Sometimes I will stay up real late and come to bed...um...interested. And then he will look at the clock and say OMG, it's 4:30 a.m. when we're done...and say...when he calls me the next day...it's YOUR fault I got no sleep. Hey, he'd been snoozing on the sofa since 10 p.m. I suppose only the two hours in bed count?

Here's an example of how twisted this can be. 9:00 p.m. -- he is laying on our bed, sleeping, while I make our kids go to bed. I tell our son, by way of coercing him, that I wished I could go to bed like him. DH yells from back bedroom "Then go to bed." I say, "I've got stuff to do." Because we're having company the next day -- his elderly aunt, his cousin. I have new draperies to hang, a house to tidy, because they're coming early.

He gets angry. He gets up. "FINE," he growls, "I'm up." And proceeds to sleep on the couch instead.

I tell him, "just go to bed, for heaven's sake. You're tired."

"No, I'm OK," he says, as if sleeping on the sofa is helping me tidy up in a way that going to bed in our actual bed would not do.

Because sleeping on the living room couch is not really sleeping.

Sheesh.

If you're tired, go to bed. Why is that such a bad thing?

If I'm tired, that's what I do.

Although, I do admit, I do sometimes pretend to fall asleep with a book so I can avoid going out to the living room and waking him up for bed. Bad, aren't I?

[Yznhymr]

Originally Posted by Juniper

Another "How Weird is My Hubby" Thread™

OK. You know how kids never want to go to bed when you tell them to go? It's like, WAAAAAH, but mom, I'm not TIRED! But they really are, and you know it. They're practically falling asleep where they're sitting.

My husband never wants to go to bed or admit that he's tired.

He'll be laying on the couch, totally zonked. Every time I walk by, he does this stretch-and-groan thing, which is meant to indicate "I'm soooo tired, but I'm still awake. Oh no, I just drifted off for a moment, I'm really fine."

I say, "You're tired. Go to bed."

Response: "No, I'm fine. I'm watching this."

"This" could be some infomercial starring the ShamWow guy - but it's apparently fascinating.

And if he does go to bed before I do, he is wearing shoes and glasses and laying on top of the covers, as if he is planning to get up again in just a sec. Oh no, dear, I just laid down to close my eyes for a minute, I'll be right up again.

I don't get it, the apparent guilt about being tired and going to bed. He and I don't keep the same schedules. He gets up and goes to work at 7 in the morning. I get up with the kids starting at 6 and the 2nd one at 8, but then I can go back to sleep till noon if I'm not in school, if I want to. I'm a night owl, he's not. I'm OK with it. If he's tired at 10 p.m., I'd be perfectly happy if he'd just get up and go brush his teeth and get under the covers at 10.

But Noooo....he prefers to blame it on me if he's tired. As if I'm the one keeping him awake. Folks, I'm in the basement, in my office, right here at that time of night. I have nothing to do with his schedule. In fact, if I am tired and go lay down in bed...maybe to read, for example, instead of computer surfing...he's STILL out on the couch.

Sometimes I will stay up real late and come to bed...um...interested. And then he will look at the clock and say OMG, it's 4:30 a.m. when we're done...and say...when he calls me the next day...it's YOUR fault I got no sleep. Hey, he'd been snoozing on the sofa since 10 p.m. I suppose only the two hours in bed count?

Here's an example of how twisted this can be. 9:00 p.m. -- he is laying on our bed, sleeping, while I make our kids go to bed. I tell our son, by way of coercing him, that I wished I could go to bed like him. DH yells from back bedroom "Then go to bed." I say, "I've got stuff to do." Because we're having company the next day -- his elderly aunt, his cousin. I have new draperies to hang, a house to tidy, because they're coming early.

He gets angry. He gets up. "FINE," he growls, "I'm up." And proceeds to sleep on the couch instead.

I tell him, "just go to bed, for heaven's sake. You're tired."

"No, I'm OK," he says, as if sleeping on the sofa is helping me tidy up in a way that going to bed in our actual bed would not do.

Because sleeping on the living room couch is not really sleeping.

Sheesh.

If you're tired, go to bed. Why is that such a bad thing?

If I'm tired, that's what I do.

Although, I do admit, I do sometimes pretend to fall asleep with a book so I can avoid going out to the living room and waking him up for bed. Bad, aren't I?

You are a wretched, soulless, individual. Shame on you. Of course seems like he is not clearly communicating his needs and what will make him more consistent. Same thing happened to me when I put up with her watching TV for 19 yeas in the bedroom, thereby keeping me wake. I had to resort to wearing internal earplugs and external ear muffs to cut out the sounds, plus a face mask for the TV light. How annoying and rude. I now use sleeping pills in addition to the rest. Since I am the only one that has to get up for work (she works at home and sleeps till 10-11), I feel it is unfair to me. Unfortunately I am a man and my wife rules the roost. Any suggestions? Seems your problem is not so bad,

[Aliantha]

After reading your post I think maybe your DH is a bit of a dh sometimes.

I don't really know what the solution is to your problem other than maybe trying to get your schedules together or something.

I usually go to bed before Dazza. He usually comes home from work and sits with his computer doing more work and watching telly till he's tired. He does come to bed before midnight most nights though which I'm glad about.

He's a pain in the arse when he's tired. lol

[glatt]

Seriously? Try looking at it from his point of view. Your husband obviously wants you to go to bed with him. That's why he stays up as late as he can when you aren't coming to bed. He doesn't want to be going to bed alone when you are still awake. But he needs to be awake in the morning, so it hurts him when he stays up so late. And then in the middle of the night, when you finally do go to bed, you sometimes wake him up so you can get some sex?

You have the luxury of taking a nap later when you don't get a full night's sleep, but he doesn't.

[Shawnee123]

Hmmm...the sleep game.

I'm bad about going to bed at a decent hour. However, as Homeless Guy and I trade back and forth on couch vs bed it doesn't really matter. Sometimes I like to stay up late just because it is just me, and whatever computer game and whatever is on TV...and no Yakkin' Man.

[Cloud]

pretty strange.

yet another reason I'm glad I'm single. I don't have to put up with another person's weirdness.

[Undertoad]

I'm wierd like that, I have always stayed up late and enjoy being the last one to bed for some unknown reason. It doesn't seem to hurt anyone.

[Pooka]

Perhaps entice him to come to bed with sex... ... you get up and leave him there after. I'm pretty sure he'll stay... I always do when Flint trys that on me.

[Juniper]

Originally Posted by glatt

Seriously? Try looking at it from his point of view. Your husband obviously wants you to go to bed with him. That's why he stays up as late as he can when you aren't coming to bed. He doesn't want to be going to bed alone when you are still awake. But he needs to be awake in the morning, so it hurts him when he stays up so late. And then in the middle of the night, when you finally do go to bed, you sometimes wake him up so you can get some sex?

You have the luxury of taking a nap later when you don't get a full night's sleep, but he doesn't.

I see. I am supposed to be a nice cooperative wifey and change my life so that he will behave properly. To manage his bedtime, essentially, by parenting him.

Hm.

I don't wake him up on purpose and force the man to do it with me. He could just as well roll over and continue snoring; I could live with it.

I just do not understand why someone who is obviously asleep would pretend not to be.

Ali: Nah, he's a good guy, just a little odd sometimes. Aren't we all.

And Yzn....sheesh, go sleep on the couch! Or grow a pair and move the TV out of the bedroom.

[TheMercenary]

My wife and kids finally gave up and let me fall asleep in the chair in front of the TV. They do mute the TV as they go off to bed. Just relax and accept that some of us go to sleep like this. I eventually tundle off to bed in the middle of the night. Don't sweat the little stuff.

[Treasenuak]

Hm. Ted and I go to bed at the same time. We keep generally the same schedule... unless I'm drugged out on painkillers, in which case he's up three hours before me. And even then we head to bed at the same time.

[Sundae]

Non-addictive sleeping tablets.

I've had different sleeping patterns to everyone I've lived with - parents, partners, friends, cats.

Get into a schedule and it will work. Use drugs to get into said schedule. They don't kick in for 30 minutes, so plenty of time for rumpy-pumpy.

Not being on the same schedule is nothing to do with love or affection, but it is easy to resolve. At the worst, the tablets will allow you to sleep when he does, but your body clock will wake you up in time to do LOADS of quiet stuff.

You can't stop your hubby being tired when he is. It's tricky to get him to accept The Man Of The House should be the last to bed. Get lovely snuggles and then glorious kipski and STILL get your homework dinwe (at 04.30!)

Just an idea x

[Cloud]

boys never grow up

[Shawnee123]

FAlling asleep in the chair is fine. Snorting and snoring and gasping for air a la sleep apnea will drive the other person crazy! [\iknowthis]