06/14/02: random musings

juju · 06-14-2002, 08:18 PM

It's two in the morning, and i'm out on my apartment balcony, typing on my old laptop.

It's a nice cool night. I like nighttime. It's quiet, and people don't come up to me every 10 minutes and say, "What are you doing?", or "Did you see that new whatzit? Amazing!". I usually stay up late just so my brain will have time to itself.

I don't usually come out here. This rickety-assed wooden balcony scares the hell out of me. This is a shitty apartment complex, and it's basically in disrepair. It doesn't help that I sometimes feel compelled to just jump off the balcony, just to see what it might feel like on the way down. I'm nowhere near suicidal or depressed, so i'd never actually do this. The fact that I actually have this impulse, however, causes me to only come out here every couple of months or so.

I have this strong impulse to be alone. I don't understand it, but I love it. I used to take this alone time by force. Every few months I would just drop out of existence for a while. I'd stop talking to friends and family and just be alone. Generally my friends didn't understand this, but they seemed to accept it since it only lasted a few weeks. This was my favorite of all times, and if I didn't get it I felt cheated. I don't really do this so much anymore. Perhaps i've learned to break this time up into smaller pieces.

I have a friend, Jerry, whom I haven't heard from in 8 months. He's been on hard drugs for a long time. Last time I talked to him he was doing crank. I can't help wondering what's happened to him. Is he in a drug-induced stupor, or is he just dead? I keep thinking that i'm going to find out he's been dead for over a year, and I never knew it. He always said he wanted to die young.

If I had to guess, i'd say I have about 60 years to live. I heard somewhere you should spend your time as wisely as you spend your money. If years were a resource, how would I spend them? I have this weird feeling I might piss it all away if i'm not careful.

juju · 10-06-2002, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juju
I have a friend, Jerry, whom I haven't heard from in 8 months. He's been on hard drugs for a long time. Last time I talked to him he was doing crank. I can't help wondering what's happened to him. Is he in a drug-induced stupor, or is he just dead? I keep thinking that i'm going to find out he's been dead for over a year, and I never knew it. He always said he wanted to die young.

I finally found this fucker. He's -- get this -- in California in the Army doing Linguistics traning.

This guy is just about the last person I ever thought would join the military. His opinion on military service is exactly the same as mine. It means punishing your body every single day for the sole purpose of destroying your individuality. It's great for some people, just not for me. I guess his opinion changed! It's either that, or it's all just a bunch of crap he's telling his mom. Perhaps he's actually living it up in California, shooting heroin and snorting cocaine from the thighs of $1000 escorts. The latter is much more likely, but I really am more apt to believe the former, just because it's a much more appealing story.

I finally pestered someone long enough to get an address for him, and I wrote him a letter telling him he's an asshole for not telling me where he went. I have no idea if he'll respond or not, but I hope he will.

I think I know why he joined. One of his rationalizations for doing drugs was that he wanted to die young. Perhaps he found a way that he thought was more noble?

juju · 10-07-2002, 12:05 AM

Here's another thing some of you might not know. You can always tell a meth-head by their teeth. Usually, they're all rotted out. If you see someone with rotten teeth, think meth-head.

Jerry had full dentures by the time he was 20.

elSicomoro · 10-07-2002, 12:07 AM

So...are you saying that many Brits are on meth too? ;)

juju · 10-07-2002, 12:19 AM

I don't think i've ever met an Englishman, so I dunno if that myth is true or not. :)

06-14-2002, 08:18 PM	#1
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	06/14/02: random musings It's two in the morning, and i'm out on my apartment balcony, typing on my old laptop. It's a nice cool night. I like nighttime. It's quiet, and people don't come up to me every 10 minutes and say, "What are you doing?", or "Did you see that new whatzit? Amazing!". I usually stay up late just so my brain will have time to itself. I don't usually come out here. This rickety-assed wooden balcony scares the hell out of me. This is a shitty apartment complex, and it's basically in disrepair. It doesn't help that I sometimes feel compelled to just jump off the balcony, just to see what it might feel like on the way down. I'm nowhere near suicidal or depressed, so i'd never actually do this. The fact that I actually have this impulse, however, causes me to only come out here every couple of months or so. I have this strong impulse to be alone. I don't understand it, but I love it. I used to take this alone time by force. Every few months I would just drop out of existence for a while. I'd stop talking to friends and family and just be alone. Generally my friends didn't understand this, but they seemed to accept it since it only lasted a few weeks. This was my favorite of all times, and if I didn't get it I felt cheated. I don't really do this so much anymore. Perhaps i've learned to break this time up into smaller pieces. I have a friend, Jerry, whom I haven't heard from in 8 months. He's been on hard drugs for a long time. Last time I talked to him he was doing crank. I can't help wondering what's happened to him. Is he in a drug-induced stupor, or is he just dead? I keep thinking that i'm going to find out he's been dead for over a year, and I never knew it. He always said he wanted to die young. If I had to guess, i'd say I have about 60 years to live. I heard somewhere you should spend your time as wisely as you spend your money. If years were a resource, how would I spend them? I have this weird feeling I might piss it all away if i'm not careful. Last edited by juju; 06-14-2002 at 08:28 PM.

10-07-2002, 12:05 AM	#3
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Here's another thing some of you might not know. You can always tell a meth-head by their teeth. Usually, they're all rotted out. If you see someone with rotten teeth, think meth-head. Jerry had full dentures by the time he was 20. Last edited by juju; 10-07-2002 at 12:17 AM.

10-07-2002, 12:07 AM	#4
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	So...are you saying that many Brits are on meth too? ;)

10-07-2002, 12:19 AM	#5
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	I don't think i've ever met an Englishman, so I dunno if that myth is true or not. :)

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