My apologies

[Shawnee123]

I agree with SundaeGirl, that I owe an apology to Wolf and Zippy for my outburst. I was hurting inside so much, and feeling ganged up on I wanted someone to hurt as much as their complacency and lack of compassion hurt me. The things I said were wrong.

Having said that, I will not concede that they weren't having fun at my expense at first. I wondered if that is the role of a moderator, to get joy out of someone on the edge.

I may post from time to time. Those who have supported me and said they hoped I came back, well, your words meant so much to me. The others who still found it uproariously funny, I have put on ignore. The biggest hurt came from a couple of people who seem to argue and foster anger in so many here, yet I continued to talk to them and be nice and try to understand...they too were more than happy to plunge their little knives in my back.

I won't name any names, but you who are kind, you know who you are. You who are not, I don't need to let you push me any more.

Wolf, Zippy...sorry for my harsh words.

Even with the people here with a penchant for cruelty (does it make them feel better about themselves in some way?) I have met some of the most amazing people here. It's my loss if I let the bad apples ruin that for me.

[Sheldonrs]

Whatever is going on in your life right now, I hope things get better soon.

HUGS

Shel

[Undertoad]

It is a delight to see you back!

I tried to reply to the contact stuff you sent but you put in an invalid reply address.

Moderators are elected and it a tad unfair to call them out specifically because they are moderators. All it means is they have responsibilities in helping maintain the stuff. It doesn't mean they can't have personalities, some of which may be abrasive from time to time. Same applies to ownership.

[LabRat]

My question is this Shawnee, if you feel close enough to 'us' that you are actually hurt by what you felt were personal attacts by some, then why not share with us what exactly is going on personally, so that we may understand as well? There is a high likelyhood that, even if someone can't directly help you here, just by 'talking' about it, the perspective you'll get is worth the time it took to post ten-hundred-fold.

I have learned that when I'm in certain 'moods' there are things I just shouldn't do because they will always have bad consequences. (doesn't mean i always stay out of certain situations, i have a short memory sometimes... )

Whatever is going on, if you can't handle any more stress, why bring more onto yourself by doing something that will get you worked up?

Good luck with whatever is going on, I hope you can focus on getting that taken care of so that you can get back to yourself.

In the meantime, checkout Cuteoverload.com. Nothing bad will ever happen to you by visiting that

[wolf]

Sticks and stones, etc.

The apology is appreciated.

[BigV]

I am very happy to see you back, Shawnee123.

I wasn't insulted by your remarks so it's not my place to forgive. However, as one of the stunned "innocent bystanders", I found the whole outburst completely out of character. I'm willing to chalk it up to temporary insanity or "displacement" or whatever. Your actions and your posts will tell for sure. And last week was only one step back in a long line of steps forward.

The most important step forward is this thread. You don't drown if you fall face down in the mud, you only drown if you stay there. Glad to see you on your feet again.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by LabRat

--snip--
In the meantime, checkout Cuteoverload.com. Nothing bad will ever happen to you by visiting that

If you don't consider a diabetic coma from sweet overload a bad thing, I would agree.

[Dagney]

Originally Posted by BigV

If you don't consider a diabetic coma from sweet overload a bad thing, I would agree.

You can temper the sweetness with a little bit of Lolcat humor by visiting icanhascheeseburger too.

Welcome back Shawnee - I agree with LabRat - if you think of us as friends or family - we're willing and able to help you through whatever crap life is throwing at you at the moment. Just let us know what we can do.

[Spexxvet]

I'm glad you're not leaving, Shawnee. Welcome back. It wouldn't be the same around here, with you.

[glatt]

I'm glad you came back.

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by LabRat

My question is this Shawnee, if you feel close enough to 'us' that you are actually hurt by what you felt were personal attacts by some, then why not share with us what exactly is going on personally, so that we may understand as well? There is a high likelyhood that, even if someone can't directly help you here, just by 'talking' about it, the perspective you'll get is worth the time it took to post ten-hundred-fold.

My job has been getting increasingly worse, with me unable to handle the stress in my personal life let alone what is going on here. But, so many people have given me good advice about the job situation, so I don't want to be a broken record. I am the only one who can change the job, but I'm either too scared or too complacent to do so.
I have had some health issues, from a recent illness that really knocked me on my butt and I haven't fully recovered from. Attending the doctor for that, they found my BP to be through the roof, and instantly put me on meds for that. The combo illness/weird medication makes me very worn out, tired, and irritable. Personal life, I am trying to stop letting my ex b/f use me for everything I have, to quit feeling sorry for him. I am in dire financial straits, though not all his fault, he had much to do with it. So here I am, 42 years old, feeling like a child, feeling lonely and worthless, and trying to reach out yet pulling back out of fear of being hurt. Not a good combination. That's it in a nutshell, I guess. I also try to remember that there are those who are dealing with MUCH more than I could imagine, so then I feel guilty for wallowing. Yeah, I"m pathetic.

Originally Posted by wolf

The apology is appreciated.

Thank you wolf, you are showing class that I most definitely lacked. The horrible things I said didn't even really mean anything. I'm not sure what either of you look like; all those awful things just came out. I hope you realize that.

Originally Posted by BigV

The most important step forward is this thread. You don't drown if you fall face down in the mud, you only drown if you stay there. Glad to see you on your feet again.

Thanks BigV. As some predicted, I am quite embarrassed and ashamed. I'm not even sure who that girl was. Shawnee's evil twin?

Thank you all for your support. I apologize again to all of you for behaving like such a bratty child.

[piercehawkeye45]

Welcome back Shawnee.

[freshnesschronic]

*Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaack*

-Mase song "Welcome Back"

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

So here I am, 42 years old, feeling like a child, feeling lonely and worthless, and trying to reach out yet pulling back out of fear of being hurt. Not a good combination. That's it in a nutshell, I guess. I also try to remember that there are those who are dealing with MUCH more than I could imagine, so then I feel guilty for wallowing.

My soul sister!! Including dire financial straits, uncertainty about job situation and all!

Welcome back, Shawnee. *hugs*

The best advice I never follow is this: be very, very kind to yourself and forgive yourself, too.

[Hyoi]

Welcome back, Kotter.