Serious advice needed

Riddil · 01-09-2004, 07:14 PM

Ok, normally I'm far too wordy with my posts... this one is easy.

The past couple days my posts have been hyper-logical concerning relationships. I'd reduce it down to numbers and equations, doing my best to look at it from as unemotional a viewpoint as I could.

I broke up with my girl exactly one week ago.

For months I had grown malcontent b/c she seemed materialistic. And she never seemed to want to DO anything for me, even though I did my best to draw blood from stone for her. And while I try to be the most open-minded person I can be, she always seemed so close-minded. We couldn't carry on a solid debate b/c she'd get so bogged down in the small details. And she liked Cartoon Network while I liked Fox News. She could talk for hours about the stupidest crap. And all my friends told me that I deserved "better".

But. After being together for EVERY waking moment... after just one week of isolation... I find myself in a strange place. I miss her. I mean, I was so sure a week ago. I delivered the breakup in a cool, unemotional manner.

But now...

I mean I know... I know with 100% certainty that this girl loved me. How often do you find that? While she was pretty, she was never the prettiest girl. But after we'd been together I saw a different person. And when I talked she actually listened to what I had to say. She'd gotten to the point where she was closer to my family than *I* was. She was willing to sacrifice any and every thing for me.

Did I make a mistake?

elSicomoro · 01-09-2004, 07:19 PM

Sounds like you're going through the post-breakup yearning/delusion. Now that you're apart, and probably miserable, she seems incredibly desirable.

Don't fall for it just yet...give yourself a little more time...try not to dwell on her too terribly much at this point. You could meet the woman of your dreams tomorrow, but if you're too wrapped up in the boo-hoo over the ex, you'll miss her.

Good luck!

Nothing But Net · 01-09-2004, 07:43 PM

Post a pic of her and then I'll decide.

Riddil · 01-09-2004, 08:27 PM

We're the couple on the left.

Kitsune · 01-09-2004, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil

Did I make a mistake?

She liked Cartoon Network over Fox News? You bet your ass you made a mistake.

Nah, just kidding -- things change and what happens afterwards is always difficult when there is one less person in the picture no matter what as you aren't used to it any other way. But if you felt the need to break up with her, it was probably for the best. Continuing on in such a relationship where you question it in that way isn't a good idea. Trust me on that one.

Give it more time, for both yourself and for her. And, when in doubt, check out the liquor discussion thread over in Food and Drink for more ideas on how to deal with these issues.

Beestie · 01-09-2004, 09:10 PM

Dude, I think she's possessed.

Just kidding, of course. And is that a Leprechaun on her belly?

BUT, I would ask yourself one question: "Did I know more about what I was doing a week ago or today?"

Go with the answer. Then, take Kitsune's advice.

Riddil · 01-09-2004, 09:48 PM

...

Right now all I know is that I've never felt more alone in my life than tonight. There's something very sobering about drinking beer all alone... knowing that she won't call, and all the friends I've ostracized because of her won't call... it makes a man feel like an island.

(And yes, I fully appreciate the juxtaposition of 'sobering' & 'drinking' in that comment)

Kitsune · 01-09-2004, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil
...

Right now all I know is that I've never felt more alone in my life than tonight. There's something very sobering about drinking beer all alone...

Okay, that is the warning signal to discontinue the drinking, as the safety switch has been flipped.

Go out, hang out with friends, or get creative with something. Remove your mind from it for awhile.

elSicomoro · 01-09-2004, 09:55 PM

Drinking while depressed=BAD!

xoxoxoBruce · 01-09-2004, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Riddil

Snip....For months I had grown malcontent b/c she seemed materialistic. And she never seemed to want to DO anything for me, even though I did my best to draw blood from stone for her.
...........SNIP...........
But after we'd been together I saw a different person. And when I talked she actually listened to what I had to say. She'd gotten to the point where she was closer to my family than *I* was. She was willing to sacrifice any and every thing for me................SNIP

Calm down. Your occillating faster than a short post. Did you tell her "It's not you it's me"? She's probably closer to your family because most people talk about crap. You tried to be logical and rational but my guess is you finally went with gut feeling. Trust your gut.
Besides there's no hurry, this is a football weekend.

Nothing But Net · 01-09-2004, 10:31 PM

<b>Riddil</b>,

Definitely a keeper in the looks department. And you're not bad yourself, big boy.

But you say you aren't connecting on an intellectual level. I don't know how long you two were dating, but as time goes by looks get less important and that mental connection becomes all the more so.

If you want, just shoot me her phone number and I'll try to put in a good word for you.

And what is that aerial view of the US Capitol doing on the wall? Are you a <i>terrorist</i>?

Undertoad · 01-09-2004, 10:45 PM

Weekend nights are always the worst.

Elspode · 01-10-2004, 01:12 AM

NBN is right...brains first, then looks, if you want the whole thing to have any meaning at all.

If all you want is some sex and something that you can, if you choose, call 'love', then I don't think you'll have any trouble. You seem very articulate, and you are an attractive, young male specimen. Go to a bar. Go to a Borders. Go where the women are, find one for whom there is some form of mutual attraction, and go with the flow.

My first wife was (and I hope you don't think me arrogant, it is simply true) my vast intellectual inferior...but she was a *babe* in her young days. Now, 11 years post-divorce, neither of us is much in the looks department, and she's still dumb as a post, but I'm blessedly married to an intelligent, articulate, devoted, spiritual woman to whom the first one could never hold a candle. That is because I've learned to think with the big head, my friend.

It isn't that the little head isn't pleased with the present Mrs., it is just that we have a lot going on upstairs together, and it is just as fulfilling as what goes on downstairs.

Kitsune · 01-10-2004, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
Go to a bar. Go to a Borders. Go where the women are, find one for whom there is some form of mutual attraction, and go with the flow.

A bar? Borders? Are you serious? I didn't think people met new friends after they graduated, as only in school does striking up a conversation with a random person work. Try it off campus and you're suddenly viewed as a possible threat no matter what your intentions are.

Or maybe it is just my criminal face.

elSicomoro · 01-10-2004, 09:43 AM

It's just your criminal face, Kitsune.

Though I do have to say that it was so easy to meet and talk to people in college...easier than it is to do in the real world now.

01-09-2004, 07:14 PM	#1
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	Serious advice needed Ok, normally I'm far too wordy with my posts... this one is easy. The past couple days my posts have been hyper-logical concerning relationships. I'd reduce it down to numbers and equations, doing my best to look at it from as unemotional a viewpoint as I could. I broke up with my girl exactly one week ago. For months I had grown malcontent b/c she seemed materialistic. And she never seemed to want to DO anything for me, even though I did my best to draw blood from stone for her. And while I try to be the most open-minded person I can be, she always seemed so close-minded. We couldn't carry on a solid debate b/c she'd get so bogged down in the small details. And she liked Cartoon Network while I liked Fox News. She could talk for hours about the stupidest crap. And all my friends told me that I deserved "better". But. After being together for EVERY waking moment... after just one week of isolation... I find myself in a strange place. I miss her. I mean, I was so sure a week ago. I delivered the breakup in a cool, unemotional manner. But now... I mean I know... I know with 100% certainty that this girl loved me. How often do you find that? While she was pretty, she was never the prettiest girl. But after we'd been together I saw a different person. And when I talked she actually listened to what I had to say. She'd gotten to the point where she was closer to my family than I was. She was willing to sacrifice any and every thing for me. Did I make a mistake?

01-09-2004, 09:10 PM	#6
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Dude, I think she's possessed. Just kidding, of course. And is that a Leprechaun on her belly? BUT, I would ask yourself one question: "Did I know more about what I was doing a week ago or today?" Go with the answer. Then, take Kitsune's advice. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

01-10-2004, 01:12 AM	#13
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	NBN is right...brains first, then looks, if you want the whole thing to have any meaning at all. If all you want is some sex and something that you can, if you choose, call 'love', then I don't think you'll have any trouble. You seem very articulate, and you are an attractive, young male specimen. Go to a bar. Go to a Borders. Go where the women are, find one for whom there is some form of mutual attraction, and go with the flow. My first wife was (and I hope you don't think me arrogant, it is simply true) my vast intellectual inferior...but she was a babe in her young days. Now, 11 years post-divorce, neither of us is much in the looks department, and she's still dumb as a post, but I'm blessedly married to an intelligent, articulate, devoted, spiritual woman to whom the first one could never hold a candle. That is because I've learned to think with the big head, my friend. It isn't that the little head isn't pleased with the present Mrs., it is just that we have a lot going on upstairs together, and it is just as fulfilling as what goes on downstairs. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

01-09-2004, 07:19 PM	#2
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Sounds like you're going through the post-breakup yearning/delusion. Now that you're apart, and probably miserable, she seems incredibly desirable. Don't fall for it just yet...give yourself a little more time...try not to dwell on her too terribly much at this point. You could meet the woman of your dreams tomorrow, but if you're too wrapped up in the boo-hoo over the ex, you'll miss her. Good luck!

01-09-2004, 07:43 PM	#3
Nothing But Net Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Spring, Texas Posts: 1,481	Post a pic of her and then I'll decide.

01-09-2004, 08:27 PM	#4
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	We're the couple on the left.

01-09-2004, 09:48 PM	#7
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	... Right now all I know is that I've never felt more alone in my life than tonight. There's something very sobering about drinking beer all alone... knowing that she won't call, and all the friends I've ostracized because of her won't call... it makes a man feel like an island. (And yes, I fully appreciate the juxtaposition of 'sobering' & 'drinking' in that comment)

01-09-2004, 09:55 PM	#9
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Drinking while depressed=BAD!

01-09-2004, 10:31 PM	#11
Nothing But Net Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Spring, Texas Posts: 1,481	<b>Riddil</b>, Definitely a keeper in the looks department. And you're not bad yourself, big boy. But you say you aren't connecting on an intellectual level. I don't know how long you two were dating, but as time goes by looks get less important and that mental connection becomes all the more so. If you want, just shoot me her phone number and I'll try to put in a good word for you. And what is that aerial view of the US Capitol doing on the wall? Are you a <i>terrorist</i>?

01-09-2004, 10:45 PM	#12
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Weekend nights are always the worst.

01-10-2004, 09:43 AM	#15
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	It's just your criminal face, Kitsune. Though I do have to say that it was so easy to meet and talk to people in college...easier than it is to do in the real world now.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)