Analyse this please.....

DucksNuts · 09-25-2006, 05:53 AM

I want to know if I am way off base with my thoughts on this scenario.

History...
*you* meet this guy through a mutual friend, but only via the phone. Seem to hit it off, so the friendship goes to text messaging, IM, email and phone calls. Hours every nite are spent on the phone, cute little emails are exchanged all day and the next step is meeting (this part has been going on for about 5 weeks). Theres always been this dirty/flirty type conversation happening.

Present...
*you* arrange to meet (the guys lives 2 hours away), so travel up to go out on the town for the nite. Said guy arrives at your hotel room and the pair of you are drinking and getting along well. Theres definite chemistry, he does the ole "tickle" move to get close (hey it works!!!) and theres the *accidental* brushing of body parts by both parties.

THEN - he complains about his contacts irritating his eyes, they look a bit sore...so thats a fair complaint. This goes on for 30 mins, and he says, "if I go home now and change them, I can be back in 30 mins". Cool.

Duhdoh!! He doesnt come back....txt messages, phone calls to follow....no response.

Fast forward 18hrs....you get a txt message.."I'm at the hospital, my friend has had a heart attack".

Fast forward 18hrs....email at work ..."spent most of the time at the hospital and helping my friends wife, I will be busy for awhile".

Fast forwrd 12hrs..you decide to call...."when I got home, there was a note under my door saying [name] had a heartattack, the phones had been out" (this is confirmed, the phones were out all over the city)..."I didnt get your txt messages because I ran out of credit on my phone".

Too many things dont add up.

If it was *me* in the reverse situation, I would of shifted hell n highwater to let the other person know I wasnt just leaving them there stood up.

I would of made an attempt in the last 2 days to contact the other person to let them know whats going on.

I would of been "sorry"ing my arse off.

Am I being to skeptical here???

Griff · 09-25-2006, 06:16 AM

If a close friend really had a heart attack, I could see it playing out this way. What was your affect on the phone? He may have been up in the air about smoothing things over before the call but didn't get a good vibe. Remember that if it was real he's balancing a crisis in an existing long term relationship with a speed bump in a potential relationship. Your mutual friend probably has a clue about what is happening. Griff is not a trained relationship counselor and has successfully maintained just one long term love relationship. YMMV

Hagar · 09-25-2006, 07:02 AM

I think what Griff says is spot on.
(But like him, I too am not a trained councillor!)
He really could be freaked out by the whole heart attack + friend thing. Give him at least another couple of days (depending on the friend's condition) before you write him off.

Clodfobble · 09-25-2006, 07:47 AM

If a friend actually had a heart attack, then yes, I'd be inclined to cut him some slack, especially if he's more apologetic once everything settles down for him again.

However, I'm personally skeptical that there was any friend with a heart attack to begin with. Seriously, who leaves a note under someone's door that their friend has had a heart attack? He obviously owns a cellphone, someone would have called about the heart attack, and left a voicemail if his phone was out of minutes (I don't know exactly how the cellphone plans work in Ozzie-land, but here you can get your missed messages once you've purchased more minutes.)

Personally, I'd assume the relationship is over, and if he contacts you later trying to make it up to you, then you can decide how sincere he seems and go from there. But to me it looks an awful lot like he's trying to break it off but he's too cowardly to just say he's not interested, so he's fabricating drama.

yesman065 · 09-25-2006, 07:59 AM

Strange days indeed.

Spexxvet · 09-25-2006, 08:46 AM

Don't initiate any contact, see what he does. Sounds like he got cold feet for some reason - married?

SteveDallas · 09-25-2006, 10:21 AM

I have no clue about relationships. (Just ask my wife.

) I do, however wear rigid gas permeable contacts. They have been known to become irritating when I got something in my eye, or even just dried out (more common as I'm getting older).

I am rarely without a small bottle of rewetting drops in my pocket or at least in the car because I know I am usually going to want to counteract the dryness at least once during a typical day. And the drops can be used in a pinch to take the contacts out and put them back in if I have something caught that I can't blink out (eyelashes are the worst).

I would never wait 30 minutes before addressing the irritation. I would never drive 30 minutes to fix it. (If the irritation was bad enough I wouldn't be able to drive period.) If I had to I'd just buy another back of solutions at the closest drug store--I'd always use them eventually.

So I'm not saying he was full of it. All I'm saying is if it had been me I would never have behaved like that in respose to a true contact situation.

DucksNuts · 09-25-2006, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

What was your affect on the phone?

Eh, I'm pretty low key like that. My first txt message was just of the flirty type, and even my phone messages were really of the "just let me know you got home safely" type. There was no attitude or pissed-offedness on my behalf...still isnt really. I havent done anything but be my usual self and offered to be there if he needs to talk.

Spexx - he was married, been separated for about 8-9 months. We have spoken at alot of different hours, so if he IS still married...he's done well to keep it hidden.

Thanks guys, I am inclined to cut him a bit of slack and see what washes up, but being a control freak...I hate lose ends

plus I am getting pressure from my girlfriends to "fuck him off" and "dont let him treat me like shit".

lumberjim · 09-25-2006, 07:14 PM

he obviously was so excited that he came in his pants, and was mortified. he thinks you know, and he's humiliated. it's so simple, really. just tell him you understand premature ejaculation, and it'll work out fine.

bluecuracao · 09-25-2006, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

If it was *me* in the reverse situation, I would of shifted hell n highwater to let the other person know I wasnt just leaving them there stood up.

I would of made an attempt in the last 2 days to contact the other person to let them know whats going on.

I would of been "sorry"ing my arse off.

I don't think it was meant to be.

DucksNuts · 09-25-2006, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

he obviously was so excited that he came in his pants, and was mortified. he thinks you know, and he's humiliated. it's so simple, really. just tell him you understand premature ejaculation, and it'll work out fine.

The voice of reason.....of course thats it.

The other explanation is that I am waaaay too OTT for him therefor scared the bejesus outta him and he bolted.

footfootfoot · 09-25-2006, 09:48 PM

Ahhh. Errmm.

Uhhh.

Hmmm.

Uhhh. Hmmm.

Well, ummm.

No.

footfootfoot · 09-25-2006, 09:49 PM

That is to say, you're a hottie, he's a nottie.

lumberjim · 09-25-2006, 10:53 PM

OTT? over the top? if the guy got scared, then you didn't want him anyway. you could go queer if that's what you wanted. maybe the guy had a bout of impotence? has had trouble with it? could you tell?

DucksNuts · 09-25-2006, 11:04 PM

Umm - no, he was ...err..up for the occasion.

Weird.

09-25-2006, 05:53 AM	#1
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Analyse this please..... I want to know if I am way off base with my thoughts on this scenario. History... you meet this guy through a mutual friend, but only via the phone. Seem to hit it off, so the friendship goes to text messaging, IM, email and phone calls. Hours every nite are spent on the phone, cute little emails are exchanged all day and the next step is meeting (this part has been going on for about 5 weeks). Theres always been this dirty/flirty type conversation happening. Present... you arrange to meet (the guys lives 2 hours away), so travel up to go out on the town for the nite. Said guy arrives at your hotel room and the pair of you are drinking and getting along well. Theres definite chemistry, he does the ole "tickle" move to get close (hey it works!!!) and theres the accidental brushing of body parts by both parties. THEN - he complains about his contacts irritating his eyes, they look a bit sore...so thats a fair complaint. This goes on for 30 mins, and he says, "if I go home now and change them, I can be back in 30 mins". Cool. Duhdoh!! He doesnt come back....txt messages, phone calls to follow....no response. Fast forward 18hrs....you get a txt message.."I'm at the hospital, my friend has had a heart attack". Fast forward 18hrs....email at work ..."spent most of the time at the hospital and helping my friends wife, I will be busy for awhile". Fast forwrd 12hrs..you decide to call...."when I got home, there was a note under my door saying [name] had a heartattack, the phones had been out" (this is confirmed, the phones were out all over the city)..."I didnt get your txt messages because I ran out of credit on my phone". Too many things dont add up. If it was me in the reverse situation, I would of shifted hell n highwater to let the other person know I wasnt just leaving them there stood up. I would of made an attempt in the last 2 days to contact the other person to let them know whats going on. I would of been "sorry"ing my arse off. Am I being to skeptical here???

09-25-2006, 06:16 AM	#2
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	If a close friend really had a heart attack, I could see it playing out this way. What was your affect on the phone? He may have been up in the air about smoothing things over before the call but didn't get a good vibe. Remember that if it was real he's balancing a crisis in an existing long term relationship with a speed bump in a potential relationship. Your mutual friend probably has a clue about what is happening. Griff is not a trained relationship counselor and has successfully maintained just one long term love relationship. YMMV __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

09-25-2006, 08:46 AM	#6
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Don't initiate any contact, see what he does. Sounds like he got cold feet for some reason - married? __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

09-25-2006, 07:14 PM	#9
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	he obviously was so excited that he came in his pants, and was mortified. he thinks you know, and he's humiliated. it's so simple, really. just tell him you understand premature ejaculation, and it'll work out fine. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

09-25-2006, 09:48 PM	#12
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Ahhh. Errmm. Uhhh. Hmmm. Uhhh. Hmmm. Well, ummm. No. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-25-2006, 07:02 AM	#3
Hagar Master of the Domain Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 220	I think what Griff says is spot on. (But like him, I too am not a trained councillor!) He really could be freaked out by the whole heart attack + friend thing. Give him at least another couple of days (depending on the friend's condition) before you write him off.

09-25-2006, 07:47 AM	#4
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	If a friend actually had a heart attack, then yes, I'd be inclined to cut him some slack, especially if he's more apologetic once everything settles down for him again. However, I'm personally skeptical that there was any friend with a heart attack to begin with. Seriously, who leaves a note under someone's door that their friend has had a heart attack? He obviously owns a cellphone, someone would have called about the heart attack, and left a voicemail if his phone was out of minutes (I don't know exactly how the cellphone plans work in Ozzie-land, but here you can get your missed messages once you've purchased more minutes.) Personally, I'd assume the relationship is over, and if he contacts you later trying to make it up to you, then you can decide how sincere he seems and go from there. But to me it looks an awful lot like he's trying to break it off but he's too cowardly to just say he's not interested, so he's fabricating drama.

09-25-2006, 07:59 AM	#5
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Strange days indeed.

09-25-2006, 10:21 AM	#7
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	I have no clue about relationships. (Just ask my wife. ) I do, however wear rigid gas permeable contacts. They have been known to become irritating when I got something in my eye, or even just dried out (more common as I'm getting older). I am rarely without a small bottle of rewetting drops in my pocket or at least in the car because I know I am usually going to want to counteract the dryness at least once during a typical day. And the drops can be used in a pinch to take the contacts out and put them back in if I have something caught that I can't blink out (eyelashes are the worst). I would never wait 30 minutes before addressing the irritation. I would never drive 30 minutes to fix it. (If the irritation was bad enough I wouldn't be able to drive period.) If I had to I'd just buy another back of solutions at the closest drug store--I'd always use them eventually. So I'm not saying he was full of it. All I'm saying is if it had been me I would never have behaved like that in respose to a true contact situation.

09-25-2006, 09:49 PM	#13
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	That is to say, you're a hottie, he's a nottie. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-25-2006, 10:53 PM	#14
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	OTT? over the top? if the guy got scared, then you didn't want him anyway. you could go queer if that's what you wanted. maybe the guy had a bout of impotence? has had trouble with it? could you tell? __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

09-25-2006, 11:04 PM	#15
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Umm - no, he was ...err..up for the occasion. Weird.

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