03-19-2014, 09:52 PM | #1 |
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Poems
I hate to start a new thread with every poem. Some of them are worthwhile; others are dross. Maybe this can be a general thread for poems, good and/or not so good? This one rants about my frustrations with and love for my father. I idolized him throughout childhood, but of course no one can live up to that and neither did he. He was infinitely preferable to my savagely abusive mother, but that was a low bar.
Nevertheless, he came to my horse shows and cheered me on, standing in the rain. Later, he bailed on a marriage that was abusive to him, but took up with a woman who could have been a clone of the one he ran from. She always hated us, his children. I always/still have wanted to have a parent to love. eta: I'm sorry; this is me trying to deal with old wounds. Probably not applicable to many. But if any others want to post real poems, I'd love to read them. Only a Boy Could possibly have Met your expectations Only a boy Could have walked with you Talked with you Been your incarnation Only a boy Would have satisfied you Carried on the name Wouldn’t bear the blame Of your failure To do right by Those who really bore your name Only a boy Could have loved you Without restraint Only a boy Would have done as I did Traitor yet become a saint Only in your eyes Yet you never did protect me Let me feel the subtle taint Of having loved you But your love was for another I was easy to disdain I was your boy Always tried to love you Tried to earn your regard Not to mention your love But that was not forthcoming All men are assholes Said a wise man I met later Too late for my salvation In my childhood I played with dolls I gave them names Frankline, Josephine … They were boys, as was I Only wanted to admire you Wanted to inspire you Wanted your love But that was reserved For the boy you always wanted The boy you adopted Then rejected When he wasn’t good enough Why did I always Try to, want to, need to be Your boy The boy Who’d meet your expectations Only a boy Could meet your expectations
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi Last edited by orthodoc; 03-19-2014 at 10:21 PM. |
03-20-2014, 09:41 AM | #2 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
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Oh, hell Ortho, that's brilliant.
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03-20-2014, 09:54 AM | #3 |
I can hear my ears
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sometimes I wonder how I'm damaging my kids.
I came from a divorced family, saw dad every other weekend. I don't really feel any angst about it. I don't feel disappointed or resentful. I don't idolize Dad, but I do respect him. Mom did a very good job considering her challenges, and I appreciate her. but sometimes, when I read something like this, I wonder. What will Ripley think of me in 20 years? will she blame one or the other of us for breaking up? will she give it any thought at all? and Spencer... I don't really think he's going to have any issues, but then maybe he does, and just won't share them. I tell them I love them all the time. I am pretty sure they believe me. what else can you really do? Why was your Father's love not enough, ortho? Because you think he'd rather have had a boy? I have both, and there are aspects of each I prefer.
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03-20-2014, 10:12 AM | #4 |
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I'd agree with this, but I worry that my daughter will feel like I've shortchanged her by spending more time with my son. Because I do. My daughter and I have a hard time finding things in common, and she prefers to spend her free time in her room with the door closed. My son prefers to spend his free time being active and engaging.
The good thing is that eating dinner together is a priority, so we have conversations at meals. But that's about it. |
03-20-2014, 10:37 AM | #5 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
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Is that a general personality thing, or is it to do with age?
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03-20-2014, 10:44 AM | #6 |
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both.
She's at the surly teenager age. (Not really surly, but you know...) But she's also always loved to read instead of interact with someone. |
03-20-2014, 03:31 PM | #7 |
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Maybe she feels safe and secure in her position in the family so she doesn't feel she needs to compete with her brother for your attention.
Or... she's paying her brother to keep you busy so she can do what she wants without all that icky family stuff. Or... she has a wardrobe in her room connected to Narnia. I'd guess as long as you make yourself available when/if she decides she needs it, you should be cool.
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03-21-2014, 07:11 AM | #8 | |
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Quote:
It was no secret in our family that my father wanted a son 'to carry on the family name'. It bothers him to this day (at 80) that there's no one to 'carry on the line'. He had 3 daughters and then he and my mother adopted a boy. They were upfront about the fact that our new little brother was to be the proud carrier of our surname, and teased my older sister that 'the crown prince outranks the crown princess'. Yes, that is f**ked up.
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03-26-2014, 12:45 AM | #9 |
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More dross ...
Superhero Please Let me go to sleep tonight I am happy At peace tonight Let me sleep At last tonight Experience release Before tomorrow’s fight Let me wake and do the least And most That I must; I swear I’ll keep My promises I am happy tonight At peace tonight I lie to myself But I still do what’s right I am the superhero Except at night Let me go to sleep ...
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi Last edited by orthodoc; 03-26-2014 at 01:00 AM. |
03-26-2014, 02:21 AM | #10 |
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i hate to post two drafts in one night. Still, this one came to mind as I thought about my training and the painful situations, the people I met, the frustration I felt as lives slipped away while I held hands with the dying and my staffmen played squash. And the crazy schedules, where staying up for 72 or more hours was the norm, and we all pretended we were bipolar (in terms of ability to go without sleep for days). And the inevitable burnout. Also my friend Arthur, who actually was bipolar and who didn't survive the crucible.
A Little Bipolar for Arthur, with love and regret A little bit A little tad Bipolar It’s the fad I am immense I am intense I am the sun I live all day all night Make my own daylight Yet still I fight I’m my own sun I write the best I’ve ever done When I’m half-drunk Not nearly done I just release All that turns to stone And move on I blaze all night The shadows fade I greet first light and pray no answer comes I am intense I am the sun I have done all of this So many years Worked the halls Of The Best Damned Hospital in the Land Stayed the weekend With the Baba, Yaya, Oma, and Listened to her whisper Her fear, her pain Held her hand as she died While the boss played squash Again Worked the halls Strode the halls Denizen of the wards Victim of the wards Took on the man Despised bereft Broken jaw No academic puzzle Just an addict, just a thief Knew what he needed; no, implied Grabbed my arm would not let go I know we all need Need to get through the night Fell asleep on the retractor It happens to the best of us Stabbed by the Ob/Gyn Along with his victim Happens to the rest of us We do what we must Leave the rest If we’re lucky Don’t distress Don’t leave too soon Arthur you are missed You were the best of us You left too soon Later no more sleep No more luck Stayed up with a better crew Still came unstuck The first thing that A principle does Is kill someone A wise man said Don’t test that one It’s true The innocent are dead And so we limp Into the dark We dread the call we have no more to give to those who need our blood, our life, our seed We cringe as we Encounter those We’ve bled and sewn We cannot fill The vast abyss Of need and pain We limp away Into the dark And seek oblivion But still The perverse spark Refuses any place of respite Yet A little bit A little tad Bipolar it’s the fad If not that, then what? Just mad We retreat into the shade Hide from the sun Afraid to speak to anyone I was immense I was intense I was the sun I could protect I could defeat Anyone
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi |
03-26-2014, 05:38 AM | #11 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
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Oh I love both of those. That last one especially.
Damn, but you are a talented poet, Ortho.
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03-30-2014, 08:37 PM | #12 |
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Just saw this. Thanks, Dana. I'd been listening to Leonard Cohen and the first one, Superhero, got its rhythm from Cohen. The last one is the first time I've written anything about/for Arthur. The experiences were mine, but the environment was what each of us had to cope with. Arthur was such a good man ... Toronto was the worst possible place for him. It'll take more time and effort to do him justice. I wish we could have learned what we needed without the toxic and traumatic culture of 1980s medicine at The Best Damned Hospital in the Land.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi |
04-18-2014, 09:54 PM | #13 |
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Parents - "I Love You",
But they don't', Life/Family - sucks. |
04-18-2014, 09:57 PM | #14 |
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No better feeling,
Than a child in your arms, Asleep. |
04-24-2014, 12:46 PM | #15 |
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.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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