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one more thing, since i have decided to stay, i am now worried that i am such an emotional basket case because of all of this, that i'm going to push him away. i have to find a way to heal and to forget about all of this, and it seems to be the hardest part of all. i know that if things are going to work out, i need to stop thinking about it, get the fuck over it, and love him, but i don't know how to go about doing that. i can't sleep at night, i wake up all the time from nightmares, i am tired, i feel sick, i rotate between sadness, numbness, and anger all day. i just want to get over it and forget about it all. i don't want to push him away and ruin our relationship if he is sincere about his love, and i think he is. i wish i could take lumberjim's advice, and go sit on his lap and love him, trust him, and forgive him 100% and get our life back, but i am just a wreck..wolf, you're right about me needing separate therapy..i wish the insurance would cover that.
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