Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous
Momma can't stop crying but she tries to hide it from the kids. She hides it from the kids because people who care about the kids have told her that it's bad for them to see their strong momma down. So momma cries in private. She worries that's as bad as drinking in private (which momma doesn't do).
Momma cries in the car and while doing the laundry and in the shower and while tidying the yard. Momma cries while she does the paperwork and types on the cellar. Momma tried to get help but it's too hard. They wanted her to talk to a stranger on the phone to evaluate her needs before they would let her talk to a real person.
Momma can't sleep. She went to bed early last night because she was so tired, only to wake up early to allow more time for crying. One of the kids caught momma crying this morning now momma feels terrible. She tried to explain but....
Momma just needed to tell someone. thanks.
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(hang on a minute while I jam this ill-fitting, stolen psychologist's hat on my head... ok, let's go)
anonymous, I'd like to address momma.
hey momma. you sound like you're hurting. not the kind where you smash your thumb with a hammer. crying in that case is a reasonable reaction and you probably wouldn't worry about your kids seeing your tears. people who care about the kids probably wouldn't think that it's bad for them to see the your reaction to being hurt. (sorry, I have to adjust this doggone hat. let me just put a couple wraps of tinfoil over it and under my chin... there. all better, I'm totally on top of it now)
I don't know why you're crying. but it sounds like the crying is a problem... I understand your desire to protect your children, that's right on target. I don't know anything about the the person who cares about your children, but I do think that the advice you got from them is bad advice if it adds to your burden, or if it creates an obstacle between you and help. let me give you some good advice: If I were you, I would not take bad advice.
(I'm gonna get rid of this tinfoil and this hat! Ah. Better. I can think more clearly now.)
Hey, look, being strong is good, it's important, it's helpful as an adult, as a parent. I wish you great strength. But... you knew there was a but, yeah? But I don't think letting your kids see you cry reduces your strength. And I don't think it harms your children. I've been a child who saw my mom cry. I've been a dad that cried in front of all my kids, on plenty of occasions. I'm ok; my kids are ok. The kids read my parental vibe, not just the tears. If I had reason and explained, my kids understood (even very young ones). The tears were unimportant compared to my reassurances.
I don't know. I hope you can overcome whatever's keeping you from finding the help you need. You will probably have to trust someone, your kiddos, the intake screener on the phone, random internet people like us, ... have the "person who cares for your kids" (and apparently already knows about your crying) arrange some help. I hope you get some relief soon. I don't like seeing people suffer. Good luck.