[Sundae]

I said to Dani and Limey yesterday - it's like breaking up with someone.
Hurts like buggery. But this time you know it's going to go on forever.

We might only have spoken once a fortnight.
PM'd weekly.
Interacted on here every few days.
But now everything I see and everything I do I just want to share with her.
I think "Bri would love this!" or "That would make Bri laugh!"
I know I thought those thoughts before, but I also know I never thought them so continuously or consistently as I do now.

And one of the jarring things is that when things are wrong in my life I come here for advice, for comfort and the occasional slap upside the head (sometimes right, sometimes annoying.) But the situation is reversed here. Here everyone is mourning Trilby. It's not my own personal grief that I can just spill out and have everyone hug me. She wasn't mine to grieve about alone.

And at home, there's no-one I can share it with. I'm not at work, the 'rents are in Spain (although Mum has been lovely on the phone), my sister is not talking to me and my brother wouldn't understand.

Sorry. This isn't poor me, poor me (pour me another.)

As I said before, Limey and Mr Limey are letting me stay with them next week, so it will all be different. But even then I will want to document it. She really wanted to see Arran. We were going to tramp round every damned site of historical interest on that island. At least until we got tired of standing stones not revealing a gruagach to us and finding somewhere with a real open fire instead. But she won't be here to see it or read it or write one of my phrases down in her notebook for future use.

Will have to ask the Limeys of a suitable way to honour her traditionally. And if it involves a libation I'll buy a miniature and pour it empty.
If not, I'm going to buy a bloody Chinese Fire Lantern and write my love for her before it burns. She'd have laughed at me borrowing from other cultures to find some meaning.