[sexobon]

Today the President announced that he is exercising the power of his office to reduce violence in America. The President will introduce Plan A in which he will ask Congress to appropriate funding to send for the Three Amigos whom he says will purge the nation of its EL Guapos and do it in an economically frugal manner.

Plan A is to be formally unveiled in a televised address to the Union. The President will again highlight the loss of "little lambs" [a reference to the offspring of American sheep] and rationalize the need for shepherding politicians to protect them as it would be unreasonable to expect sheep to avail themselves of existing means to protect their own. The President, who has a taxpayer funded force of armed bodyguards to protect his young, believes that the Three Amigos method of putting on a show of bravado that typically includes the sheep, will calm the sheep.

In the event the Three Amigos are unavailable, the President is prepared to go to Plan B, said a White House spokesperson on the condition of anonymity. Additional funding would be requested to procure the services of the Magnificent Seven. The expense of their services would not be frugal; but, still economically reasonable in these hard times when jobs are scarce and wages are low. The M7 have previously dealt with those who said "If God didn't intend for them to be sheared, he wouldn't have made them sheep." The President believes the M7 will use similar methodology to the Three Amigos and may be even more results oriented, albeit a tad more expensive.

Should neither the Three Amigos nor the Magnificent Seven be available during the President's second term of office, at its conclusion, he will fall back on Plan C. This contingency plan entails endorsing a Republican candidate in the next Presidential election who will implement conscription to make military; or, police service mandatory for all qualified Americans. Citizens will receive firearms training that they can take back with them to civilian life so they themselves can protect their children at home and in schools thus being elevated to the status of successful parents. Those who do not pass the screening for mandatory service will not be permitted to own firearms; however, they will be placed under the protection of designated people who did. Laws will be enacted to make protecting children compulsory just as in some places it is compulsory to render first-aid if one stops at the scene of an automobile accident.

Pundits of the President's plan (primary, alternate and contingency) believe that the magic number is not three or seven; rather, that the magic number is five to provide the panacea the flock needs to be contented as sheep. They won't even entertain the thought that they need to accept individual responsibility for armed defense of their offspring's lives in today's world. The undecided are asking that if the parents won't do it, why should anyone else, do we really need another generation of the same old baa-a-a-a, baa-a-a-a, baa-a-a-a?