[monster]

what's the problem with loopholes? If he followed the rules to a T, can't you give credit for that?

yes, grandparents can be very frustrating. but that's your job to deal with, not his. seems like he upheld his part of the deal you made with him -he went to one class. Maybe he did not go in with an open mind. He's human. I really don't see the problem with this example, sorry. You tell gramps that you understand he wanted to do something fun for the boy, but you can't make a child enjoy something no matter how much it seems like something he should enjoy so perhaps he should check in with mom&you next time. Was this mom's dad?

I really do understand that you find it incredibly frustrating and I am trying to help but it's hard. I think you said he never really knew his biodad. But you entered the scene after he was old enough to have rationalized his existence as one child one parent, right? or wrong?

[begin blunt moment]
As a step-child, the amount of possessiveness you show here really grates for me. You always say "my son" not "our son", nevermind "my step-son". The more my mom's partners tried to parent me, the more I fought back. Didn't matter how much I was biting off my nose to spite my face. It's a hard situation for any child, I imagine much harder for one with the problems your son has. I think you are trying too hard and assuming too much "ownership" of this child. you cannot force your authority on any child. I'm sorry, it doesn't matter how much you want to be his dad. What matters is how much he wants you to be his dad. And if you insist on going in all guns blazing, I suspect that's not going to help your case. I understand you want and need to be there to support your partner, and this is one of the biggest challenges she has, but her son is an independent person, not part and parcel of the deal. You need to prove your worthiness as a dad before you expect to be respected/accepted as one.
[/bluntmoment]

I think I should probably leave this thread now. I'm not trying to be a bitch and piss you off, really -I think it's admirable what you are trying to do. But I think you're constantly leaving human nature out of the equation and want to relate all of the frustrations you face to the boy's diagnoses. I suspect many of the problem behaviors you see are all about age, gender, and step-parenting. in that order, and not necessarily one at a time. I'm not saying the ADD ODD and Asperger's don't feature -of course they do- but I think your ideal is way beyond what you should expect from a kid without these issues.